As women, we wear many hats. We are nurturers, teachers, advisers, disciplinarians, comforters, taxi drivers, nurses, laundry mats, cooks, maids, shoppers, hair fixers, and the list goes on. One of the many benefits of being married, for me, is that I am not also the major decision maker, spiritual adviser, financial adviser, money maker, future securer, trash-taker-outer, fixer, builder, plumber, auto mechanic, oil changer, flat tire changer, circuit breaker tech, furnace tech, landscape architect, animal pancake maker, BBQer, critter catcher, and so on. Except when I am…
One of the many challenges of being an Army wife, in addition to my extra hats (professional mover, quick decorator, saying good-bye pro, quick friend maker, extreme tear wiper, constant declutterer and so on…) is that I have to pick up and take off hats all the time!
This is really difficult especially when my hubby is only gone for a few weeks. I know it might sound crazy…but a year long deployment is actually easier in a lot of ways than when he only leaves for a month or two. When Dustin is going to be gone for a year, I know that I need to wear ALL the hats for a long period of time. It’s easier for me to pick them up and rock ‘em. When he’s gone for a few weeks, I don’t want to throw all the hats on and break them in because I know they won’t be on my head for very long and they aren’t really mine to wear. Also, there is an adjustment period. You can’t just pick up a hat and wear it well, until you make it your own. It takes 4-6 weeks for his hats to start fitting me and for the kiddos to be okay with me wearing daddy's hats. Then he’s home and he has to refit the hats on his head. It’s challenging for us and for the kiddos!
One might wonder why I don’t just keep them on, instead of taking them on and off all the time. Simply put, I like to let my man be THE man. When he is home, he needs to wear his hats. If I keep all the hats on and the only hat he ever wears is his patrol cap, he is definitely a soldier, but he’s not much of a man, is he? It’s for this reason that I put them on when I have to and take them off again when he comes home. Plus let’s face it, not every hat looks good on every person! I don’t pull off many of his hats very well. Wearing all of Dustin’s hats, no matter how long, isn’t fun, but I am happy to do it. My hubby is very good at what he does. He loves being a soldier and it makes him happy. So, even though my hair is a mess, I am honored to be his Mad Hatter.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
An Impatient Son
A friend and I were talking about all of the crazy weather we’ve been having here and all the dolphins that have been beaching on shores all over the place. This of course turned into a joke about it being 2012. She said, “yeah, but nobody knows when.”
I came home and as it started to pour…again, I thought about all the crazy weather we’ve been having all over the world. Earthquakes. Tornadoes. Extreme high and low temperatures. Flooding and drought at the same time. I know many people say this is all normal and part of life. Others say this is all due to global warming. Still others say, this is God and he is angry!
I then started to think about all the people on this earth that are hurting, hungry and lost. I started to think about all of the sin that we’ve allowed into our lives and country…the big stuff and all of little stuff that just slowly creeps in over time. It just broke my heart. I thought, I bet Jesus can’t wait to come back and bring his children home. Then my mind flashed back to my conversation with my friend. “Yeah, but nobody knows when.”
I have known this all my life, but it kind of hit me in that moment. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Matthew 24:36 So think about this…he is sitting there watching all of this; the pain, the hunger, the sin. He knows he is coming back but he doesn’t know when!! He knows he will put an end to all of it but he doesn’t know when!! I can only imagine that he is waiting like an impatient child. Is it time yet? Is it time yet? May I please go get them and bring them home? It’s kind of exciting to think about isn’t it? Jesus cares so much for us that he is anxiously awaiting his own return, just like we are!!
I came home and as it started to pour…again, I thought about all the crazy weather we’ve been having all over the world. Earthquakes. Tornadoes. Extreme high and low temperatures. Flooding and drought at the same time. I know many people say this is all normal and part of life. Others say this is all due to global warming. Still others say, this is God and he is angry!
I then started to think about all the people on this earth that are hurting, hungry and lost. I started to think about all of the sin that we’ve allowed into our lives and country…the big stuff and all of little stuff that just slowly creeps in over time. It just broke my heart. I thought, I bet Jesus can’t wait to come back and bring his children home. Then my mind flashed back to my conversation with my friend. “Yeah, but nobody knows when.”
I have known this all my life, but it kind of hit me in that moment. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Matthew 24:36 So think about this…he is sitting there watching all of this; the pain, the hunger, the sin. He knows he is coming back but he doesn’t know when!! He knows he will put an end to all of it but he doesn’t know when!! I can only imagine that he is waiting like an impatient child. Is it time yet? Is it time yet? May I please go get them and bring them home? It’s kind of exciting to think about isn’t it? Jesus cares so much for us that he is anxiously awaiting his own return, just like we are!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The end of a generation
Today, my grandpa passed away. He was an amazing man. He had 5 children (2 of whom already passed), 16 grandchildren (2 of whom tragically passed), and 15 great-grands. He was such a sweet, gentle, loving man. He loved Jesus. When I couldn’t look to my parents’ marriage as an example of true love, his and grandma’s was a shining example. I longed to marry a man like him and have my fairy tale marriage like they did. (I think I’ve been quite successful too!) I am so happy that he and grandma (who passed away 10 years ago) are together again.
I had written my grandpa a note, telling him how much I loved him and how much I was thankful that he was my grandpa. I put it in the mail Monday morning. Something kept telling me I needed to call him. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what to say. However, Tuesday morning, I did pick up the phone and call him. It was so hard. Hearing him struggle to breathe as he told me he loved me and was glad to hear my voice literally broke my heart.
Through tears last night, I asked God to be merciful and bring him home quickly. God answered my prayer and tonight, that’s where he is and this hopeless romantic is smiling through the tears.
With the passing of my grandmother last Tuesday and the passing of my grandpa today, that generation in my family has come to an end. They all left a legacy of love and Christ to be deeply treasured.
I had written my grandpa a note, telling him how much I loved him and how much I was thankful that he was my grandpa. I put it in the mail Monday morning. Something kept telling me I needed to call him. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what to say. However, Tuesday morning, I did pick up the phone and call him. It was so hard. Hearing him struggle to breathe as he told me he loved me and was glad to hear my voice literally broke my heart.
Through tears last night, I asked God to be merciful and bring him home quickly. God answered my prayer and tonight, that’s where he is and this hopeless romantic is smiling through the tears.
With the passing of my grandmother last Tuesday and the passing of my grandpa today, that generation in my family has come to an end. They all left a legacy of love and Christ to be deeply treasured.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wings
Today my grandmother passed away. She was an amazing woman. She would have been 89 this May. She had 15 children. She had 29 grandchildren (I think!) I am not even going to try and count her great grandchildren!! She was a beautiful, kind, gentle, and graceful woman. She loved Jesus. I am so happy that she is with him now.
I found out on Facebook that she passed. This is one of the drawbacks of being a child of divorce, I guess. However, it’s not really. All five of my other siblings got an email (one even got a phone call) from my dad letting them know she had passed. Ouch. Today, I fought back tears…because my grandmother passed away? No…because there just seems to be no end to the ways my dad hurts me.
I rarely talk about my dad. So much has happened there but none of it really matters. It’s in my past. I’ve forgiven him so many times. Every time I did, I have accepted him back into my life. Twice he’s written me out of his life…literally written to me to tell me he was done with me. What horrible things have I done to deserve this you might ask?
If anyone can answer that, I would appreciate it!! Ironically, both times I was disowned, were right after Dustin had deployed. I just don’t know how you could possibly kick someone more when they are down. Do you? The last time, I had enough. I forgave him, but I refused to play his games any longer. I love him for giving me life. I am grateful for the Biblical lessons he taught me. However, that’s where it ends. I have learned that I can love someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to let them in my life. I can love them from a distance.
I send him pictures of the kids. I write to him for holidays and his birthday. However, I don’t pick up the phone and call him and I won’t invite him into my house ever again (that’s a really long story.) Is our relationship strained? Yes. Does he know that? Yes. Does that mean I don’t deserve to know that my grandmother passed away? No.
Did he intentionally email all 5 of my siblings and accidentally forget me? Knowing my dad, I have a pretty good guess. However, I don’t know definitively. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What I do know is that after today, I refuse to react emotionally to his actions; intentional or not. I am going to react to what I know to be the truth. He is human too. He is hurt too. God is working on him too. He hasn’t arrived either. My grandmother however, has! :0)
I found out on Facebook that she passed. This is one of the drawbacks of being a child of divorce, I guess. However, it’s not really. All five of my other siblings got an email (one even got a phone call) from my dad letting them know she had passed. Ouch. Today, I fought back tears…because my grandmother passed away? No…because there just seems to be no end to the ways my dad hurts me.
I rarely talk about my dad. So much has happened there but none of it really matters. It’s in my past. I’ve forgiven him so many times. Every time I did, I have accepted him back into my life. Twice he’s written me out of his life…literally written to me to tell me he was done with me. What horrible things have I done to deserve this you might ask?
If anyone can answer that, I would appreciate it!! Ironically, both times I was disowned, were right after Dustin had deployed. I just don’t know how you could possibly kick someone more when they are down. Do you? The last time, I had enough. I forgave him, but I refused to play his games any longer. I love him for giving me life. I am grateful for the Biblical lessons he taught me. However, that’s where it ends. I have learned that I can love someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to let them in my life. I can love them from a distance.
I send him pictures of the kids. I write to him for holidays and his birthday. However, I don’t pick up the phone and call him and I won’t invite him into my house ever again (that’s a really long story.) Is our relationship strained? Yes. Does he know that? Yes. Does that mean I don’t deserve to know that my grandmother passed away? No.
Did he intentionally email all 5 of my siblings and accidentally forget me? Knowing my dad, I have a pretty good guess. However, I don’t know definitively. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What I do know is that after today, I refuse to react emotionally to his actions; intentional or not. I am going to react to what I know to be the truth. He is human too. He is hurt too. God is working on him too. He hasn’t arrived either. My grandmother however, has! :0)
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Hi
Hi.
My name is Sarah and I am a sinner.
It’s been less than a day since my last sin.
For years I tried to kick this on my own. I thought that if I just worked harder, one day I would be perfect. One day, I would never sin again. I was taught that if I sinned and immediately died, I would go to Hell. Working towards that kind of perfection is exhausting. I held others in my life to that same standard. That’s what I knew. Christians are perfect. Every time one of them fell off that pedestal, my faith broke a little, until finally, I was done trying. If these strong Christians in my life weren’t perfect, how could I ever be? I still considered myself a Christian although I didn’t go to church, I didn’t read my Bible and I very rarely prayed. I was okay with being that Christian.
Years later, sitting in a large room surrounded by women in my deployment support group, I overheard one of them talking about Chapel and God spoke to my heart. “Go,” was all he said. And so I went, but I still had this false belief in me. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t that perfect Christian. It took me going to the darkest and most lonely place in my life to realize I had it all wrong.
Isolated in a foreign country, with 2 small children, Army newbies in the midst of a 15 month deployment; my cousin was killed in action. There was no way I could get through this on my own. Yes I had amazing friends. Yes I had family to talk to. However, I still felt alone! It was in this broken moment, weeping, that I reached out to Christ. It was here that he took my hand and began to heal me.
I realize now that on this Earth, I will never be perfect. I cannot be perfect because I am human. I am powerless to my sin. It is only through the grace and mercy of my Savior, Jesus Christ that I have hope of being sinless one day. But that day has not arrived. I have not arrived.
I am a sinner.
My name is Sarah and I am a sinner.
It’s been less than a day since my last sin.
For years I tried to kick this on my own. I thought that if I just worked harder, one day I would be perfect. One day, I would never sin again. I was taught that if I sinned and immediately died, I would go to Hell. Working towards that kind of perfection is exhausting. I held others in my life to that same standard. That’s what I knew. Christians are perfect. Every time one of them fell off that pedestal, my faith broke a little, until finally, I was done trying. If these strong Christians in my life weren’t perfect, how could I ever be? I still considered myself a Christian although I didn’t go to church, I didn’t read my Bible and I very rarely prayed. I was okay with being that Christian.
Years later, sitting in a large room surrounded by women in my deployment support group, I overheard one of them talking about Chapel and God spoke to my heart. “Go,” was all he said. And so I went, but I still had this false belief in me. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t that perfect Christian. It took me going to the darkest and most lonely place in my life to realize I had it all wrong.
Isolated in a foreign country, with 2 small children, Army newbies in the midst of a 15 month deployment; my cousin was killed in action. There was no way I could get through this on my own. Yes I had amazing friends. Yes I had family to talk to. However, I still felt alone! It was in this broken moment, weeping, that I reached out to Christ. It was here that he took my hand and began to heal me.
I realize now that on this Earth, I will never be perfect. I cannot be perfect because I am human. I am powerless to my sin. It is only through the grace and mercy of my Savior, Jesus Christ that I have hope of being sinless one day. But that day has not arrived. I have not arrived.
I am a sinner.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Christmas on Demand
When I was a little kid, I remember being able to turn on the TV weeks before Christmas, and there was always a Christmas movie on. It was fun! As a child, it really helped to put me in the “Christmas Spirit.” This year, I was excited that for the first time in years, we had cable and we could watch all the oldies but goodies like I did as a child. It’s a Wonderful Life. A Christmas Story. Charlie Brown’s Christmas. Imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find any on the 800ish channels we have! When I searched for Christmas movies I found they were all…On Demand. Is that what Christmas has really turned into? Sadly, yes. It’s all about the money and instant gratification.
Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to give their children a bad gift, tape it and then post it on Youtube for the world to see. It was sad to see these children break down, cry and throw fits because their parents got them “bad gifts.” Apparently if you were on Twitter, you would have seen a whole bunch of people complaining about their gifts too. Sadly, that’s what this Christmas season has been reduced to. Why should I be surprised? We live in a nation where we want and want and want and have confused NEED with WANT. We demand to be given everything we want and don’t care what it costs others to give it to us. We demand it.
Well I refuse to have a Christmas On Demand and I am refusing to raise my children to have On Demand Christmases too! This year I was feeling convicted about letting my children believe in Santa instead of the REAL reason for Christmas. It’s not like I wasn’t teaching them that. In fact, thanks to my sweet friend, Marcie, we were memorizing the Christmas story. However, my kiddos would talk nonstop about what they wanted from Santa and not the excitement of Jesus’s birthday. I almost threw Santa under the bus a few weeks before Christmas because I had enough. However, seeing how devastated Gwynn was when she discovered that her claps weren’t magically turning on the Christmas lights, but rather a remote was, I couldn’t do it to her. This point was really driven home Christmas morning in service when Connor was too excited to come home and open presents that he couldn’t sit still.
This year we told the kiddos the real story of St. Nicholas; who he was and what he is believed to have done. How he was just a kind and generous man who helped those in need. I am going to continue to drive that point home. This next year I am going to make Christmas all about Jesus. Our advent calendar is going to be Crimsons. We are going to give Jesus a gift. He is going to be the center of our Christmas. I am going to try to emphasize giving rather than receiving…which I know may be a stretch for my kiddos, but you can’t grow without stretching. I should say that my kiddos really aren't extremely selfish. They were excited to give gifts to children in Nigeria who don't have any and were very thankful for what they received. I guess it was more me...realizing that I really need to make an effort to keep the Reason for the Season alive and refuse to have a Christmas on Demand.
Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to give their children a bad gift, tape it and then post it on Youtube for the world to see. It was sad to see these children break down, cry and throw fits because their parents got them “bad gifts.” Apparently if you were on Twitter, you would have seen a whole bunch of people complaining about their gifts too. Sadly, that’s what this Christmas season has been reduced to. Why should I be surprised? We live in a nation where we want and want and want and have confused NEED with WANT. We demand to be given everything we want and don’t care what it costs others to give it to us. We demand it.
Well I refuse to have a Christmas On Demand and I am refusing to raise my children to have On Demand Christmases too! This year I was feeling convicted about letting my children believe in Santa instead of the REAL reason for Christmas. It’s not like I wasn’t teaching them that. In fact, thanks to my sweet friend, Marcie, we were memorizing the Christmas story. However, my kiddos would talk nonstop about what they wanted from Santa and not the excitement of Jesus’s birthday. I almost threw Santa under the bus a few weeks before Christmas because I had enough. However, seeing how devastated Gwynn was when she discovered that her claps weren’t magically turning on the Christmas lights, but rather a remote was, I couldn’t do it to her. This point was really driven home Christmas morning in service when Connor was too excited to come home and open presents that he couldn’t sit still.
This year we told the kiddos the real story of St. Nicholas; who he was and what he is believed to have done. How he was just a kind and generous man who helped those in need. I am going to continue to drive that point home. This next year I am going to make Christmas all about Jesus. Our advent calendar is going to be Crimsons. We are going to give Jesus a gift. He is going to be the center of our Christmas. I am going to try to emphasize giving rather than receiving…which I know may be a stretch for my kiddos, but you can’t grow without stretching. I should say that my kiddos really aren't extremely selfish. They were excited to give gifts to children in Nigeria who don't have any and were very thankful for what they received. I guess it was more me...realizing that I really need to make an effort to keep the Reason for the Season alive and refuse to have a Christmas on Demand.
Friday, December 9, 2011
2x2
Some pretty great things come in pairs.
Aces, fuzzy dice, hands, coffee and creamer, lips, flip-flops, love birds…or in my case…
**A pair of mommy blessings. Upon opening Connor’s school folder, I received my first blessing when I found out that he will once again be named Student of the Quarter :0) I really have tried to instill good work ethics in him. I try to encourage him to do the best he can do. Things like this make all the chats, lessons, erasing, rewriting, and frustration over homework so worth it! It brought a tear of joy to my eye. The second blessing was Gwynn. I love listening to her pray. She is so sweet. Tonight at dinner she insisted she needed to pray and she prayed, “Dear Jesus, thank you for all this great food and for all our grateful stuff.” This is her prayer every dinner, actually :0) Then she insisted she needed to pray for forgiveness. She prayed, “Dear Jesus, I am so sorry that I yelled at Daddy and that I got out of time out that Connor put me in (they must have been playing???), and that I didn’t clean when Mommy told me to. Please forgive me. Amen.” HOW STINKING SWEET IS THAT?? What a fabulous pair of blessings!
**A pair of 2s. 2 warm, wet and sunny months in Hawaii and 2 wonderful, busy weeks in our new home!! We were so thankful to move in 6 days early and not have to spend Thanksgiving in the hotel :0) We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to be here and to finally have our own roof.
**A pair of rugs!! I am SO excited about this. It took me forever to find rugs that Dustin and I both liked and then forever to find a place that would even ship it to us! Finally I found Barnes and Nobel that shipped them to us for $30!! Very exciting!
**A pair of amazing discoveries! The power of communication and Pinterest!! While happily hanging my calendar, I was greeted by pounding on my wall. I had to put in another nail and the response was the same. My heart was pounding. I had no idea what to do. I thought well maybe this is just a bad time for me to be pounding nails into the wall. So, I put on my big girl panties and went next door to ask. As it turned out, her hubby is deployed, she is really stressed out and had just opened up a huge bill as I began my hammering. After a chat, she had a smile on her face and told me I could hammer all day. Just to think, I could have sat here, been angry at her, she would have stayed angry at me and we could have been bitter towards each other for 3 years…instead, we both may have made a new friend :0) Now, Pinterest…AMAZING! The Crafters/DIYs dream!! Oh my. That’s just all I can say. I have a list of things I want to make and fantastic ideas for organizing my new home! YAY!
**A pair of Contracts! One fell through, but we’re under contract again!! We are trusting that this one will go all the way to the end! They are asking for some really silly stuff, but we’re just so ready to be done with this house, that we’ll probably give it to them. That’s the bummer of a buyer’s market. Oh well, we’re just happy to be blessing someone else with it.
Sadly, yucky things come in pairs too.
Sweaty socks, liver and onions, long nights and early mornings…or in my case…
**A pair of croupy kiddos. They both had it last year so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised they got it again this year. Connor missed 3 days of school because of fever and Gwynn’s fever went on for over a week. Thankfully they are both much better now!
**A pair of pests. We love our new house, but it has TONS of ants! Every room on the first floor had a colony as did our bathroom and Gwynn’s room. I think we got them under control for now, but from what I hear, it is just a matter of time before they are back! The other pest is a cat…or a former cat that left its stink everywhere! We can’t close a closet door without opening to a waft of kitty pheromone! Thankfully I found Pinterest to give me tips on how to get rid of the ants and the kitty stink ;0)
Aces, fuzzy dice, hands, coffee and creamer, lips, flip-flops, love birds…or in my case…
**A pair of mommy blessings. Upon opening Connor’s school folder, I received my first blessing when I found out that he will once again be named Student of the Quarter :0) I really have tried to instill good work ethics in him. I try to encourage him to do the best he can do. Things like this make all the chats, lessons, erasing, rewriting, and frustration over homework so worth it! It brought a tear of joy to my eye. The second blessing was Gwynn. I love listening to her pray. She is so sweet. Tonight at dinner she insisted she needed to pray and she prayed, “Dear Jesus, thank you for all this great food and for all our grateful stuff.” This is her prayer every dinner, actually :0) Then she insisted she needed to pray for forgiveness. She prayed, “Dear Jesus, I am so sorry that I yelled at Daddy and that I got out of time out that Connor put me in (they must have been playing???), and that I didn’t clean when Mommy told me to. Please forgive me. Amen.” HOW STINKING SWEET IS THAT?? What a fabulous pair of blessings!
**A pair of 2s. 2 warm, wet and sunny months in Hawaii and 2 wonderful, busy weeks in our new home!! We were so thankful to move in 6 days early and not have to spend Thanksgiving in the hotel :0) We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to be here and to finally have our own roof.
**A pair of rugs!! I am SO excited about this. It took me forever to find rugs that Dustin and I both liked and then forever to find a place that would even ship it to us! Finally I found Barnes and Nobel that shipped them to us for $30!! Very exciting!
**A pair of amazing discoveries! The power of communication and Pinterest!! While happily hanging my calendar, I was greeted by pounding on my wall. I had to put in another nail and the response was the same. My heart was pounding. I had no idea what to do. I thought well maybe this is just a bad time for me to be pounding nails into the wall. So, I put on my big girl panties and went next door to ask. As it turned out, her hubby is deployed, she is really stressed out and had just opened up a huge bill as I began my hammering. After a chat, she had a smile on her face and told me I could hammer all day. Just to think, I could have sat here, been angry at her, she would have stayed angry at me and we could have been bitter towards each other for 3 years…instead, we both may have made a new friend :0) Now, Pinterest…AMAZING! The Crafters/DIYs dream!! Oh my. That’s just all I can say. I have a list of things I want to make and fantastic ideas for organizing my new home! YAY!
**A pair of Contracts! One fell through, but we’re under contract again!! We are trusting that this one will go all the way to the end! They are asking for some really silly stuff, but we’re just so ready to be done with this house, that we’ll probably give it to them. That’s the bummer of a buyer’s market. Oh well, we’re just happy to be blessing someone else with it.
Sadly, yucky things come in pairs too.
Sweaty socks, liver and onions, long nights and early mornings…or in my case…
**A pair of croupy kiddos. They both had it last year so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised they got it again this year. Connor missed 3 days of school because of fever and Gwynn’s fever went on for over a week. Thankfully they are both much better now!
**A pair of pests. We love our new house, but it has TONS of ants! Every room on the first floor had a colony as did our bathroom and Gwynn’s room. I think we got them under control for now, but from what I hear, it is just a matter of time before they are back! The other pest is a cat…or a former cat that left its stink everywhere! We can’t close a closet door without opening to a waft of kitty pheromone! Thankfully I found Pinterest to give me tips on how to get rid of the ants and the kitty stink ;0)
Friday, November 18, 2011
Week 6
I am so ready to be out of this hotel :0) It's pretty sad when the only faces you recognize are your neighbors (who have been here a few days longer than you) and the cleaning ladies! Connor now struggles to fall asleep with his eyes open, watching TV...I just can't figure out why he can't fall asleep (end sarcastic font ;0) Gwynn has decided that I have too much privacy, and now joins me for every shower I take. This only days after she told me that she wished she didn't have a mother and she could be on her own and do whatever she wanted. Someone in the building is getting lazy and smoking into their bathroom vent, which blows the smoke right into ours. I've always gotten a headache from that nasty stuff! So Aleve has been my best friend between smokie headaches and an achy arthritic body! The good...no the GREAT news is that our house is vacant now and we're supposed to get a call on Monday to let us know when exactly we can move in :0) I spent a good portion of yesterday morning driving around my new neighborhood figuring out all the roads and best ways to get from here to there. I'm starting to get excited!!
The real fun has happened the last few days. My car, (we call her Rosie) has decided she is going on strike. She is old and just doesn't want to go any more...so she put herself in park and refuses to get out of it. However, I have figured out just where to touch her to get what I want. So, every time I want to go somewhere, I shove a pencil in this little hole, push down a tiny lever while using my other hand to shift...yes, then she reluctantly shifts! I think she is sick of my poking her because she got back at me yesterday. She was running low on gas so I went to fill her up. Every time I squeezed the pump she clicked it off. I took the nozzle out and tried again and she spit the gas out all over me! She is stubborn, but so am I!! I managed to get enough gas in her that I could drive around :0)
So today, I am doing laundry and Gwynn begged me to stay in the room. The laundry room is 5 doors away so I didn't really care. I was putting our soaking wet clothes into the dryer when I see a little blondie come running to me, "I was scared!" Well normally I wouldn't care, but I didn't bring the room key with me because she was in the room. Mistake one. Mistake two...I was barefoot. Here, you have to go all the way to the office, which is across 2 parking lots from my room, have them call housekeeping to let me in...never mind the fact that the maid is right here, but I digress. So, I drop off the laundry basket of clean clothes at our door, pick up Gwynn (because she is of course barefooted too) and carry her to the office. Then I lost my debit card, which was found after asking the grocery store if they had it, behind another card. So, I went to two of my best friends (Ben and Jerry's) to let it all out :0)
It's hard when your life seems so chaotic to find peace and love. This year it has been really hard for me to find things to be Thankful for. Part of that, I think, is that God is working on me. Being in this hotel has really opened my eyes. When I start to think of the things I miss and what I am thankful for, I realize that they are all so materialistic and I feel so selfish. I think of the people living in tents here and have to be thankful for the hotel room because at least it's a roof. I think of missing my stuff and wish my kids had their stuff to keep them busy and think of the children in our country and most other countries that have a sliver of what mine have here right now. Then just as I am getting close to a house after 43 days in a hotel (but who is counting) Dustin comes home and tells me the Warrant Officers are recruiting him! Chaos.
However, the message of love has been surrounding me everywhere I go. "We are ALL one of God's favorite people." "But I love her." "Living at peace with everyone." "How to love the unlovable." From church, to Bible study, to random blogs and overhearing other people's conversations...that message has been everywhere. So I have really been trying to focus on that. Remembering that no matter how frustrated I am every time I see someone else move out of here, they are just as entitled to a house as I am...because they are loved by God too. Remembering every time I get annoyed with someone, that I need to be nice because they are loved by God too. Remembering that everyone, no matter where they live, who they are, or how they act, they are loved by God, and they should be loved by me too. Challenging...especially when I feel so unsettled and chaotic and all I want to do is scream...but a challenge worth accepting!
The real fun has happened the last few days. My car, (we call her Rosie) has decided she is going on strike. She is old and just doesn't want to go any more...so she put herself in park and refuses to get out of it. However, I have figured out just where to touch her to get what I want. So, every time I want to go somewhere, I shove a pencil in this little hole, push down a tiny lever while using my other hand to shift...yes, then she reluctantly shifts! I think she is sick of my poking her because she got back at me yesterday. She was running low on gas so I went to fill her up. Every time I squeezed the pump she clicked it off. I took the nozzle out and tried again and she spit the gas out all over me! She is stubborn, but so am I!! I managed to get enough gas in her that I could drive around :0)
So today, I am doing laundry and Gwynn begged me to stay in the room. The laundry room is 5 doors away so I didn't really care. I was putting our soaking wet clothes into the dryer when I see a little blondie come running to me, "I was scared!" Well normally I wouldn't care, but I didn't bring the room key with me because she was in the room. Mistake one. Mistake two...I was barefoot. Here, you have to go all the way to the office, which is across 2 parking lots from my room, have them call housekeeping to let me in...never mind the fact that the maid is right here, but I digress. So, I drop off the laundry basket of clean clothes at our door, pick up Gwynn (because she is of course barefooted too) and carry her to the office. Then I lost my debit card, which was found after asking the grocery store if they had it, behind another card. So, I went to two of my best friends (Ben and Jerry's) to let it all out :0)
It's hard when your life seems so chaotic to find peace and love. This year it has been really hard for me to find things to be Thankful for. Part of that, I think, is that God is working on me. Being in this hotel has really opened my eyes. When I start to think of the things I miss and what I am thankful for, I realize that they are all so materialistic and I feel so selfish. I think of the people living in tents here and have to be thankful for the hotel room because at least it's a roof. I think of missing my stuff and wish my kids had their stuff to keep them busy and think of the children in our country and most other countries that have a sliver of what mine have here right now. Then just as I am getting close to a house after 43 days in a hotel (but who is counting) Dustin comes home and tells me the Warrant Officers are recruiting him! Chaos.
However, the message of love has been surrounding me everywhere I go. "We are ALL one of God's favorite people." "But I love her." "Living at peace with everyone." "How to love the unlovable." From church, to Bible study, to random blogs and overhearing other people's conversations...that message has been everywhere. So I have really been trying to focus on that. Remembering that no matter how frustrated I am every time I see someone else move out of here, they are just as entitled to a house as I am...because they are loved by God too. Remembering every time I get annoyed with someone, that I need to be nice because they are loved by God too. Remembering that everyone, no matter where they live, who they are, or how they act, they are loved by God, and they should be loved by me too. Challenging...especially when I feel so unsettled and chaotic and all I want to do is scream...but a challenge worth accepting!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Weeks 3, 4, 5: We’re all still alive!
We’ve gotten into a pretty good routine the past few weeks. This hotel is starting to feel like “home.” What has been amazing to me is that after adjusting to it, I realized how little we can actually live with. Would it be nice if we had a bigger fridge and a freezer so we didn’t have to go to the store every day and eat everything we make or throw it away? Yes, but it’s not necessary. Would it be nice to have more space so that we’re not constantly on top of each other? Yes, but we’re learning to live with it. Would it be nice to not have someone knock on my door every day to clean my room? Yes, but at least I am not spending more money on washing towels! So yes, it is still challenging, but doable! It didn’t come without a breaking point though.
All of our stuff has arrived! It feels so great to know that all of our stuff is here, but it’s so frustrating that it’s sitting in storage until our house opens up. It’s frustrating that we have a house in CO that hasn’t sold and we’re about to start paying rent and mortgage. It’s frustrating to watch people move out of the hotel that we KNOW moved in after us. I did have the chance to go to my friend’s house and see what ours will look like…and I got excited. I started planning where to put everything and the things I want to get so we have a “grown up” house now. The one thing that I really want is a rug. All the floors downstairs are hard wood. I have never been able to find a rug that I really liked and that Dustin liked as well. Well, after hours of searching on painfully slow internet (thankfully free though), I finally found one we both agreed on…only to find out they won’t ship to me!! Grrr. The internet is another huge challenge. Connor has a lot of homework he actually has to do online, and the pages won’t load here…unless we get on at 6 in the morning! I am not exaggerating either…but we’re up that early anyway, so we might as well be productive!
One thing that a parent doesn’t want to admit, because of pride, is that her child still wets the bed. Well, mine does, and it’s hard. It’s hard to have both of your children in one bed not knowing if it’s going to happen tonight or not. It’s expensive washing bedding every time it happens. It’s heart wrenching to watch your child cry because they feel so bad and helpless every time it happens. Well it’s really picked up since we moved here, so we decided to see a doctor. I have to say I was AMAZED at the service here. Our appointment was at 11:40, we were seen at 11:20 and by 1:20 we had blood work, urine test, xray and results back to us!!! What we found out is that we have a very healthy 7 year old boy, except for the fact that he was a little constipated…which could cause the increase because of pressing on the bladder in his sleep. So, he was put on a laxative. Boy is he a pooping machine! When I talked to him about the medicine, he complained saying, “But mom, I don’t like to poop!!” So I told him it was healthy and necessary to go every day. Then he admitted that he holds it in because it takes too long and it stinks! Oh my, did we have a good laugh about that. So, anyway, the doc told us there is nothing wrong with him (thank goodness because he was looking at diabetes and kidney failure!) we just need to wait it out until his body is ready.
I’ll tell you another thing that is out of this world challenging in a hotel room…PMS! Oh my!!! There is NO WHERE to go to let off steam! Man, those were a rough few days!
It’s winter here too, so instead of cold and snow, it rains a lot…so much for the park outings or walks…but we’ve discovered the Library for new books, movies and even Wii games! We finally set it up today. We survived the hotel for 5 weeks without setting it up, but on this long rainy weekend, we decided to bust it out :0)
One day, I did yoga in the morning and then unexpectedly had to walk to get Connor from school. I couldn’t find my knee brace but had to go. We had to stop at the Commissary to get dinner on the way home. The kiddos were in no mood to be there and were insanely wild. We walked back, got all the way up to our room only for me to realize I had locked myself out of our room. Our maid was right outside our room but because of policy, couldn’t let me in. So, I had to walk back down the stairs (which are really hard on a bad knee!) to the office, stand in line for about 10 minutes, again with crazy kids, only to be told to go back to our room and someone would meet us there to let us in. So we walked back, up the stairs and waited by the door. Tired, sore, and frustrated, I barely made it in the room and to the bathroom before I lost it. This was my breaking point. I cried like a baby, told God how hard this was and then gathered myself back together. Ever since, I’ve been good to go. I think sometimes we as women feel that we have to be strong and do it all to hold everyone else together. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to fall apart and cry so that we can pull ourselves together again…and that’s just what I did.
Since then, Dustin got me a car :0) With my knee, Dustin having to go to random places on post that are too far for him to walk, and getting wet suits, sand, and red mud all over our brand new car…it was evident that a second car was on the horizon. We had been looking but hadn’t found anything we were too excited about. On the way home from the beach, we stopped at the “lemon lot” and found a 2002 Accent with 130K miles on it, but in great condition! Perfect!! All we wanted was something to take us from home to school and back and to the beach! So, now we have that car! It’s been nice to have that freedom and to know that when my knees are sucking, I don’t have to walk! It’s been really humid and my arthritis has really flared up, adding yet another challenge to getting around on my feet. So, I am very grateful for this car.
When we got the orders to come here, I was pretty upset. I wasn’t ready to go yet. However, I knew that it was God’s plan for us. I knew he had to have something in the works for us. In the short 5 weeks we’ve been here, I can already feel the blessings that we are going to have here. I am so excited for the next 3 years!
All of our stuff has arrived! It feels so great to know that all of our stuff is here, but it’s so frustrating that it’s sitting in storage until our house opens up. It’s frustrating that we have a house in CO that hasn’t sold and we’re about to start paying rent and mortgage. It’s frustrating to watch people move out of the hotel that we KNOW moved in after us. I did have the chance to go to my friend’s house and see what ours will look like…and I got excited. I started planning where to put everything and the things I want to get so we have a “grown up” house now. The one thing that I really want is a rug. All the floors downstairs are hard wood. I have never been able to find a rug that I really liked and that Dustin liked as well. Well, after hours of searching on painfully slow internet (thankfully free though), I finally found one we both agreed on…only to find out they won’t ship to me!! Grrr. The internet is another huge challenge. Connor has a lot of homework he actually has to do online, and the pages won’t load here…unless we get on at 6 in the morning! I am not exaggerating either…but we’re up that early anyway, so we might as well be productive!
One thing that a parent doesn’t want to admit, because of pride, is that her child still wets the bed. Well, mine does, and it’s hard. It’s hard to have both of your children in one bed not knowing if it’s going to happen tonight or not. It’s expensive washing bedding every time it happens. It’s heart wrenching to watch your child cry because they feel so bad and helpless every time it happens. Well it’s really picked up since we moved here, so we decided to see a doctor. I have to say I was AMAZED at the service here. Our appointment was at 11:40, we were seen at 11:20 and by 1:20 we had blood work, urine test, xray and results back to us!!! What we found out is that we have a very healthy 7 year old boy, except for the fact that he was a little constipated…which could cause the increase because of pressing on the bladder in his sleep. So, he was put on a laxative. Boy is he a pooping machine! When I talked to him about the medicine, he complained saying, “But mom, I don’t like to poop!!” So I told him it was healthy and necessary to go every day. Then he admitted that he holds it in because it takes too long and it stinks! Oh my, did we have a good laugh about that. So, anyway, the doc told us there is nothing wrong with him (thank goodness because he was looking at diabetes and kidney failure!) we just need to wait it out until his body is ready.
I’ll tell you another thing that is out of this world challenging in a hotel room…PMS! Oh my!!! There is NO WHERE to go to let off steam! Man, those were a rough few days!
It’s winter here too, so instead of cold and snow, it rains a lot…so much for the park outings or walks…but we’ve discovered the Library for new books, movies and even Wii games! We finally set it up today. We survived the hotel for 5 weeks without setting it up, but on this long rainy weekend, we decided to bust it out :0)
One day, I did yoga in the morning and then unexpectedly had to walk to get Connor from school. I couldn’t find my knee brace but had to go. We had to stop at the Commissary to get dinner on the way home. The kiddos were in no mood to be there and were insanely wild. We walked back, got all the way up to our room only for me to realize I had locked myself out of our room. Our maid was right outside our room but because of policy, couldn’t let me in. So, I had to walk back down the stairs (which are really hard on a bad knee!) to the office, stand in line for about 10 minutes, again with crazy kids, only to be told to go back to our room and someone would meet us there to let us in. So we walked back, up the stairs and waited by the door. Tired, sore, and frustrated, I barely made it in the room and to the bathroom before I lost it. This was my breaking point. I cried like a baby, told God how hard this was and then gathered myself back together. Ever since, I’ve been good to go. I think sometimes we as women feel that we have to be strong and do it all to hold everyone else together. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to fall apart and cry so that we can pull ourselves together again…and that’s just what I did.
Since then, Dustin got me a car :0) With my knee, Dustin having to go to random places on post that are too far for him to walk, and getting wet suits, sand, and red mud all over our brand new car…it was evident that a second car was on the horizon. We had been looking but hadn’t found anything we were too excited about. On the way home from the beach, we stopped at the “lemon lot” and found a 2002 Accent with 130K miles on it, but in great condition! Perfect!! All we wanted was something to take us from home to school and back and to the beach! So, now we have that car! It’s been nice to have that freedom and to know that when my knees are sucking, I don’t have to walk! It’s been really humid and my arthritis has really flared up, adding yet another challenge to getting around on my feet. So, I am very grateful for this car.
When we got the orders to come here, I was pretty upset. I wasn’t ready to go yet. However, I knew that it was God’s plan for us. I knew he had to have something in the works for us. In the short 5 weeks we’ve been here, I can already feel the blessings that we are going to have here. I am so excited for the next 3 years!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Week 2: Putting on my Big Girl Panties
This week has been a challenge and I have been pretty darn grumpy. It did start out really well. We got in the car on Saturday and drove. We drove up the Leeward (West) coast as far North as we could go on the road we were on. We ended up on a pretty rough beach. The waves were really busy and the wind was quite fierce. I am sure when my kiddos thought of the beach, they didn’t think of the sand stinging their legs as it whipped past. It was beautiful though. There was a painting class capturing the waves on their canvases. There were a few men fishing. There were even a few brave souls out in the water. We got our feet wet until a huge wave came and Dustin had to lift the kids up…then we just dug around in the sand and I captured a few waves on my digital.
We headed back down the coast line. What I wasn’t prepared for was a little village, if you will, of make-shift houses out of tents, tarps, cars, tires…you name it, it was probably there. It looked like it had been there for quite a while. The island is speckled with the homeless. I guess if I had to be homeless, this wouldn’t be a bad place to be…but it’s still really sad. I was also surprised by the signs calling other Hawaiians sell outs for becoming a state. I know I am in “the states,” but sometimes it really doesn’t feel like it.
We drove around until we found a Military Recreation beach. We knew we weren’t in a very good area of the island so we decided it would be safer, at least until we get our island bearings, to be on a gated beach. It was really beautiful. It’s amazing to me how the terrain changed so much in the few miles that we drove. The waves were much calmer, the sun was out and the wind barely made an appearance. While the kiddos splashed in the waves with Dustin and tried to catch the little fish, I sat on the shore line and just took it all in, letting the waves gently wash over me and then fade back into the ocean. I looked out at the endlessness of the huge ocean and was reminded that God’s love for me is as deep as the ocean. It’s never ending. I lost myself in silent prayer and worship, feeling the waves come and go with the sun basking down on me. It was a beautiful moment, reminding me of God’s love pouring over me and the Son shining down on me. I was quickly brought back to this earth as a big wave rolled in and splashed my face…salty! The salt that clung to my lips reminded me that even though His love is never ending and constantly washing over me, there will be tears and struggles. If only I would have remembered that for the rest of the week!The first week here was an adventure, but now, it’s just frustrating. I am a very strong type A, and I am feeling so unsettled. I want to get into my routine, but I know as soon as we get a house, all of that will change. The kids are already really getting on each other’s (and to be honest my) nerves. We are all up in each other’s space and business. I am tired of having to leave the room for 30 minutes every time the maid wants to clean because she refuses to do it with us in here. I am frustrated with cooking in the microwave because there aren’t a lot of options and going to the store every day because we don’t have a freezer. I am frustrated that it costs $2.50 a day for the bus because it takes me 20-30 min to drive a mile to Connor’s school. It only takes 20 minutes to walk, but walking 4 miles a day with a toddler in tow and a bum achy knee just isn’t going to happen. I swear if I hear, “but I don’t like to walk” or “I don’t like to sleep” one more time… I am frustrated that it costs me $2.50-$3 for a load of laundry when my washer and dryer are on their way. It’s frustrating to see people that are getting placed in homes and only spending a week in the hotel (I am SO happy for them…just frustrating for me.) It’s frustrating that other “things” aren’t happening because the kids are right next to us and it’s just weird. So, there’s my little gripe session. I just had to get it out. I feel so bad that I have been grumpy this week. I have been snapping at Dustin and the kids and I know it only adds to everything else. They are feeling everything I am, and they don’t need my attitude on top of that! It’s like a crappy Sunday with rotten whipped cream and a moldy cherry on top. Who would that make happy??
We did get offered a place though. I am excited about it. It is in a newer section. It’s a duplex with a garage and a/c. The best part is that it is in the same school district as the hotel so Connor won’t have to change schools! The unfortunate thing is that we can’t move in until after Thanksgiving. I think finding out we got a house, but that we are going to be in this hotel for FIFTY-THREE days was a huge part of my frustration. Today, I put on my big girl panties. I accepted the fact that we are going to be here for a while and went ahead and settled us in a little bit more. I went through everything and reorganized it all. Now that I know we are going to be here for a while (to say the least), I decided we needed to make it more comfortable. I think a lot of my grumpiness was coming from the uncertainty of it all. Now that I have an end date in site, I can prepare myself. Our house still hasn’t sold in Colorado and while that is frustrating, it does give us that many more days to get it sold before we have to pay rent and mortgage. Also, our car is at port! We should have it sometime this next week!! We decided today that even though we really wanted to make this work with one car, we probably need to get a second car…so a car shopping we will go!
Connor is really excited that he gets to stay in his class. He isn’t the new student any more either. They got a new girl and he is trying to make her feel comfortable because he knows what she is going through. It’s really sweet. We got to turn in a paper saying he will officially be going to that school and Dustin got the paperwork from the Doc so Connor can take his Epi Pen to school…so we get to settle in at the school too. Today he came home calling me the Hawaiian name for mother :0)
I got to go to PWOC here this week and it was great!! The ladies were so nice and so welcoming. That’s what I love about PWOC…it’s like a family away from family. You know you will walk in and be welcomed by women who love the Lord. As I was walking in, my flip flop broke! Having been dropped off and not wanting to hop back to the hotel on one foot, with Gwynn, I just took it off. Can I just say…I am not making a very good first impression at this chapel! First appearance, I lost my son and cried. Second appearance, I walk around with one shoe. Oh well, they accepted me tear streaked, dirty footed and all!
Tonight when Dustin got home we got in the car and took off again! We ended up in Pearl City at the southern end of the island. It was really busy and congested, but they have Wal Mart and McD’s!
This week I started up my 40 days of Thankfulness. As I sat and thought of things to be thankful for, I realized how selfish and spoiled I am…refer to the 4th paragraph if you must. Even though it kind of hurt to realize that, I am glad I did. God and I had a good talk in the shower and it helped to get my heart back in the right place. I am really blessed. I have a lot of great things in my life to be thankful for and that’s what I need to focus on…not the crap in the 4th paragraph :0)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Inn at Schofield: Week 1
We have survived a week in the hotel! You might not think that is an accomplishment, but let me tell you what…it IS! The kids did really well on the trip here. Gwynn had a meltdown in the Salt Lake airport over apples vs fries for lunch. In truth, that issue was only a mask for her sheer exhaustion and stubborn refusal to take a nap. However, once we got on the plane, it took a millisecond for her to curl up in her seat and pass out. Connor still refused.
Although tired, we were excited to get the rental car (for our 8 bags!), head to the hotel and start our 30 days of “vacation” and settling in. However, our dreams were quickly dashed when Dustin went to the USO and found out if we did that, we were paying for everything out of pocket. He had to sign in and go right to work. It wasn’t much of a choice... Then we found out we had to take a shuttle to the rental car and I wasn’t up for putting our luggage on a bus, then off, then into a car so Gwynn and I stayed at the airport while the boys went to get the car. Gwynn took it upon herself to dance the hula to keep me entertained :0)
We quickly realized that we didn’t know where we were going once we got on the road…but we figured it out! We weren’t expecting the view that we got either. When you think of Hawai’i, you see the beautiful coast line and beaches.
You see the tall hotels overlooking them. You don’t see rundown buildings, roads, and crazy drivers. You don’t see poverty everywhere you look. We were shocked. We did make it to post though only having to narrowly escape once crazy driver hitting us. We found the hotel quite easily and were super excited to find out that instead of the smallest room, we got the largest!!! Thankful that Dustin signed in, because it’s $184 a night (x30 ouch!) We are as settled in as we can be. Things are in drawers and baskets. We have cupboards so our groceries are put away and I don’t have any need for my hanging shelves I brought! We even put up static cling Halloween directions to help it feel a little more homey.
We had planned on registering Connor for school on Friday, but we got here too late, so we crashed! However, we were all wide awake at 3:30! By 5 I couldn’t make any of us stay in bed any longer so we got up realizing we had forgotten to get something for breakfast! So Dustin went and got doughnuts from the convenient store and I unpacked. We were all too tired and cranky to do much on Saturday. Dustin had to take our rental car back, so we just took Saturday to try and recover from 18 hours of traveling. We did go to the store to get some essentials. Gwynn wanted to know why we were still in Hawai’i and Connor asked if we could go to China next :0)
Sunday we went to the chapel. Wow, I wasn’t expecting it to be that big! The kiddos went up for children’s story and then back to their classes and we got to enjoy the rest of the service…and it was nice. Nice to finally hear the Word of God preached in church again! Every church we have been at with our kiddos have had one children’s class. Well there are so many little ones here, they have several! We didn’t know where we were going to get them, but we did eventually find Gwynn. We couldn’t find Connor!! We both walked around several times. We split up and went different ways even. I finally decided that he was lost or we were lost so I asked someone where they would take children that were left in class. That got about 6 people involved in looking for him. I was so tired, I had been awake since 3, I couldn’t help it, and I cried. I knew he was going to be found. I honestly wasn’t worried about that, but I was so tired and after the emotional roller coaster of our house selling and contract falling through and then our trip here, I was just done. Dustin finally found him. He had crossed the street to the PX and was waiting at our rental car. Smart boy!! It’s nice though that we were only here a few days and I already met so many nice and helpful people. Really makes you feel welcomed. I can’t wait to start PWOC next week and get to know those women better!
Monday we got Connor registered for school and he started Tuesday! It was so sweet. He got a lei on his first day so everyone would know he was new, but he was too shy to wear it. The kids were so helpful, telling him where to put his stuff and what to do. We have never lived on post with kids in school. That’s been an adjustment too. Driving Connor to school every morning (because it’s $1.25 each way for the bus) and having it take 20 min to go a mile because you have to stop for soldiers doing PT. Lunch is $2.25. They have really short days too. Connor loves his teacher and the school though. I hope we get housing in this district so that he can stay in this school. Don’t even get me started on the Epi Pen procedure! I am praying Connor doesn’t accidentally eat an egg (which would be almost impossible) and needs it because he can’t have it at school without jumping through a million hoops. I am not sure if Gwynn will be able to go to preK anywhere here, so we might have to do it at home :0)
Our challenges have been getting the kiddos to sleep without bothering each other, sleeping in past 5, having to leave the room every time the maid comes (she takes at least 30 min every time and refuses to clean with us in here,) trying to stay out of each other’s space and cooking dinner in the microwave on a limited selection at the store. It’s funny how quickly you get use to huge selection! This post actually reminds me a lot of Vilseck, just a bit bigger. Also, I have found the difference between this hotel and the hotel in CO interesting. The Inn in Colorado had free laundry, breakfast and we got two rooms! We haven’t had any of those luxuries here. However, this Inn has something very special that the other didn’t…Shakeychia!! Shakeychia and I lived across the street from each other in Germany and were PWOC sisters! I am SO excited to be at the same duty station with her again. She got here 2 weeks before we did so we’ll get to spend the next 3 years together!!
Dustin went to his unit yesterday (which oddly enough is the same unit he was in 6 years ago in WA at Fort Lewis) to find out that he will be in HSB and not in an actual battery. He’s pretty bummed about that and found out that they are about 400% overstaffed there in his rank…so pretty much, we’re still trying to figure out why they moved us here if there isn’t a place for him here. We were hoping this PCS would be good for his career, but as of now, it looks like he’ll be sitting at a desk doing nothing…and that’s never good for gaining rank. Oh well, we have to remember that God has us here for a reason and his plan is so much bigger than ours!
So, a week in and we’re still adjusting to life in a new time zone in a very small space. No we haven’t been to the beach yet. We are actually on the very middle of the island and there isn’t a beach very close. We plan to find one tomorrow though! We were told it might only be a month to get into a house instead of two. That’s good because I don’t do very well when my world is unsettled and it’s feeling very unsettled right now!! However, I don’t really want to rush into a house yet because our stuff isn’t here yet and it wouldn’t really make sense. However, once our stuff gets here, I will be calling housing every day to see if they have a house for us :0)
Although tired, we were excited to get the rental car (for our 8 bags!), head to the hotel and start our 30 days of “vacation” and settling in. However, our dreams were quickly dashed when Dustin went to the USO and found out if we did that, we were paying for everything out of pocket. He had to sign in and go right to work. It wasn’t much of a choice... Then we found out we had to take a shuttle to the rental car and I wasn’t up for putting our luggage on a bus, then off, then into a car so Gwynn and I stayed at the airport while the boys went to get the car. Gwynn took it upon herself to dance the hula to keep me entertained :0)
We quickly realized that we didn’t know where we were going once we got on the road…but we figured it out! We weren’t expecting the view that we got either. When you think of Hawai’i, you see the beautiful coast line and beaches.
You see the tall hotels overlooking them. You don’t see rundown buildings, roads, and crazy drivers. You don’t see poverty everywhere you look. We were shocked. We did make it to post though only having to narrowly escape once crazy driver hitting us. We found the hotel quite easily and were super excited to find out that instead of the smallest room, we got the largest!!! Thankful that Dustin signed in, because it’s $184 a night (x30 ouch!) We are as settled in as we can be. Things are in drawers and baskets. We have cupboards so our groceries are put away and I don’t have any need for my hanging shelves I brought! We even put up static cling Halloween directions to help it feel a little more homey. We had planned on registering Connor for school on Friday, but we got here too late, so we crashed! However, we were all wide awake at 3:30! By 5 I couldn’t make any of us stay in bed any longer so we got up realizing we had forgotten to get something for breakfast! So Dustin went and got doughnuts from the convenient store and I unpacked. We were all too tired and cranky to do much on Saturday. Dustin had to take our rental car back, so we just took Saturday to try and recover from 18 hours of traveling. We did go to the store to get some essentials. Gwynn wanted to know why we were still in Hawai’i and Connor asked if we could go to China next :0)
Sunday we went to the chapel. Wow, I wasn’t expecting it to be that big! The kiddos went up for children’s story and then back to their classes and we got to enjoy the rest of the service…and it was nice. Nice to finally hear the Word of God preached in church again! Every church we have been at with our kiddos have had one children’s class. Well there are so many little ones here, they have several! We didn’t know where we were going to get them, but we did eventually find Gwynn. We couldn’t find Connor!! We both walked around several times. We split up and went different ways even. I finally decided that he was lost or we were lost so I asked someone where they would take children that were left in class. That got about 6 people involved in looking for him. I was so tired, I had been awake since 3, I couldn’t help it, and I cried. I knew he was going to be found. I honestly wasn’t worried about that, but I was so tired and after the emotional roller coaster of our house selling and contract falling through and then our trip here, I was just done. Dustin finally found him. He had crossed the street to the PX and was waiting at our rental car. Smart boy!! It’s nice though that we were only here a few days and I already met so many nice and helpful people. Really makes you feel welcomed. I can’t wait to start PWOC next week and get to know those women better! 
Monday we got Connor registered for school and he started Tuesday! It was so sweet. He got a lei on his first day so everyone would know he was new, but he was too shy to wear it. The kids were so helpful, telling him where to put his stuff and what to do. We have never lived on post with kids in school. That’s been an adjustment too. Driving Connor to school every morning (because it’s $1.25 each way for the bus) and having it take 20 min to go a mile because you have to stop for soldiers doing PT. Lunch is $2.25. They have really short days too. Connor loves his teacher and the school though. I hope we get housing in this district so that he can stay in this school. Don’t even get me started on the Epi Pen procedure! I am praying Connor doesn’t accidentally eat an egg (which would be almost impossible) and needs it because he can’t have it at school without jumping through a million hoops. I am not sure if Gwynn will be able to go to preK anywhere here, so we might have to do it at home :0)
Our challenges have been getting the kiddos to sleep without bothering each other, sleeping in past 5, having to leave the room every time the maid comes (she takes at least 30 min every time and refuses to clean with us in here,) trying to stay out of each other’s space and cooking dinner in the microwave on a limited selection at the store. It’s funny how quickly you get use to huge selection! This post actually reminds me a lot of Vilseck, just a bit bigger. Also, I have found the difference between this hotel and the hotel in CO interesting. The Inn in Colorado had free laundry, breakfast and we got two rooms! We haven’t had any of those luxuries here. However, this Inn has something very special that the other didn’t…Shakeychia!! Shakeychia and I lived across the street from each other in Germany and were PWOC sisters! I am SO excited to be at the same duty station with her again. She got here 2 weeks before we did so we’ll get to spend the next 3 years together!!
Dustin went to his unit yesterday (which oddly enough is the same unit he was in 6 years ago in WA at Fort Lewis) to find out that he will be in HSB and not in an actual battery. He’s pretty bummed about that and found out that they are about 400% overstaffed there in his rank…so pretty much, we’re still trying to figure out why they moved us here if there isn’t a place for him here. We were hoping this PCS would be good for his career, but as of now, it looks like he’ll be sitting at a desk doing nothing…and that’s never good for gaining rank. Oh well, we have to remember that God has us here for a reason and his plan is so much bigger than ours!
So, a week in and we’re still adjusting to life in a new time zone in a very small space. No we haven’t been to the beach yet. We are actually on the very middle of the island and there isn’t a beach very close. We plan to find one tomorrow though! We were told it might only be a month to get into a house instead of two. That’s good because I don’t do very well when my world is unsettled and it’s feeling very unsettled right now!! However, I don’t really want to rush into a house yet because our stuff isn’t here yet and it wouldn’t really make sense. However, once our stuff gets here, I will be calling housing every day to see if they have a house for us :0)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Reintegration
It’s wonderful to have your soldier home! Everyone thinks that’s the end of the deployment, but it’s really not. Reintegration can be the hardest part of the deployment. For months your soldier has been living a high stress lifestyle. He has been running on few hours of sleep. He’s possibly been kicking in doors and tracking the men who are trying to blow him up. Maybe he’s even been attacked, injured physically or mentally. You don’t even want to know what his eyes have seen. You’ve been running the house by yourself for months. You have had to step up and make all the decisions. You’ve had to pay all the bills, mow the lawn, fix the car, cook dinner, clean up and put the kids to bed. So coming together again can be challenging.
Your soldier may come home a completely different person. He might come home to a completely different wife. He might have PTSD or TBI or a laundry list of other acronyms. He might not be able to sleep. Seeing a car parked on the side of the road may send him into fight or flight mode. He might not even be able to be in a crowded room. There are many things that a soldier has to readjust to when coming home. It’s hard for a wife to readjust too. She’s been doing everything by herself. Asking for help can be hard and unknowingly make your soldier feel useless. It’s hard to share the responsibilities again.
However, we’ve always been pretty blessed in this area. Reintegration has always gone well for us. This time, about a month after Dustin came home he was really cheery. I asked what had him in such a great mood, and he said he finally felt like he was home! WHAT?? I thought it was all good. I didn’t realize that he was still readjusting. If I am honest about it, I am still too. A lot of things I have managed to reshare with Dustin, but sometimes I notice that I am still running the show. I do it without even realizing it!
So, in all the excitement of soldiers coming home, just remember that it doesn’t mean the hard part is over :0)
Your soldier may come home a completely different person. He might come home to a completely different wife. He might have PTSD or TBI or a laundry list of other acronyms. He might not be able to sleep. Seeing a car parked on the side of the road may send him into fight or flight mode. He might not even be able to be in a crowded room. There are many things that a soldier has to readjust to when coming home. It’s hard for a wife to readjust too. She’s been doing everything by herself. Asking for help can be hard and unknowingly make your soldier feel useless. It’s hard to share the responsibilities again.
However, we’ve always been pretty blessed in this area. Reintegration has always gone well for us. This time, about a month after Dustin came home he was really cheery. I asked what had him in such a great mood, and he said he finally felt like he was home! WHAT?? I thought it was all good. I didn’t realize that he was still readjusting. If I am honest about it, I am still too. A lot of things I have managed to reshare with Dustin, but sometimes I notice that I am still running the show. I do it without even realizing it!
So, in all the excitement of soldiers coming home, just remember that it doesn’t mean the hard part is over :0)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Days 349-354
Well, this is it…the last night I will blog before Dustin comes home!! He is in the air, on his way home!!!!!!! Only 10 soldiers got to come down early, but at this point, I don’t really care :0) I just want him home.
I find myself in an odd place. Maybe it’s because I still have so much that I wanted to get accomplished before tomorrow. Maybe it’s because I know how much we have to do in the next few months. Maybe it’s because it’s hot, humid and we’re all cranky. But, I find that I am missing butterflies! They flutter in and then flutter out. I remember at this time last deployment I could barely stay in my skin. Perhaps that’s because I had lost a ton of weight and looked great. I had energy. I wasn’t exhausted. This time, I find myself in the exact opposite position. Maybe this year has been such a whirl-wind that Dustin coming home just doesn’t feel real. How does a year fly by and yet drag on?
I saw his name on the manifest today…he is coming home and I got my butterflies. I read an email from our FRG leader saying we only had hours left…I felt so relieved that I cried. So many emotions going through this tired body of mine, I just can’t seem to get overly excited. I am sure once I wake up in the morning it will be all I can do to keep the excitement down. I KNOW once those brave men march into the gym, standing at parade rest, anxiously waiting to be dismissed; I will start crying. Tomorrow will be an amazing day and even if I don’t have those overzealous butterflies tonight, nothing will keep me from welcoming my soldier home with a hug, a kiss, a few tears and a huge smile :0)
I find myself in an odd place. Maybe it’s because I still have so much that I wanted to get accomplished before tomorrow. Maybe it’s because I know how much we have to do in the next few months. Maybe it’s because it’s hot, humid and we’re all cranky. But, I find that I am missing butterflies! They flutter in and then flutter out. I remember at this time last deployment I could barely stay in my skin. Perhaps that’s because I had lost a ton of weight and looked great. I had energy. I wasn’t exhausted. This time, I find myself in the exact opposite position. Maybe this year has been such a whirl-wind that Dustin coming home just doesn’t feel real. How does a year fly by and yet drag on?
I saw his name on the manifest today…he is coming home and I got my butterflies. I read an email from our FRG leader saying we only had hours left…I felt so relieved that I cried. So many emotions going through this tired body of mine, I just can’t seem to get overly excited. I am sure once I wake up in the morning it will be all I can do to keep the excitement down. I KNOW once those brave men march into the gym, standing at parade rest, anxiously waiting to be dismissed; I will start crying. Tomorrow will be an amazing day and even if I don’t have those overzealous butterflies tonight, nothing will keep me from welcoming my soldier home with a hug, a kiss, a few tears and a huge smile :0)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Days 340-348
Well, we are in the single digits! I'm not sure how far into them, but we are! I just have to tell you this story, so if you're not familiar with the Army, you'll get a sense of how they run things. Okay so, Dustin was supposed to come home on day X. Then we are told it will be day X+2. Okay, bummer, but it's only 2 more days. Then I get a call from Rear D (the soldiers that stay back during a deployment to run things on this side) telling me it will be Day X+1...even gave me a time!! So I was excited that we're one day closer. This morning, Dustin tells me that there is a rumor they are going to be home on Day X!! WHY? Because Jay Leno is going to be doing a show the evening of Day X and they want to have our Uncasing Ceremony (they take the flags that they fly at their "office" with them and then bring them home and once all the soldiers are home...they "uncase" them to be used again here) at his show. So, they are rushing, not because they want to get everyone home, but because they want to have a ceremony at Jay Leno's show that night and can't unless my husbands flight (last flight in) is back home...crazy huh? I am not complaining if it will get him back on Day X...just saying...
I have SO much to get done in the next week it is crazy! After being sick for so long (feeling MUCH better now) my house is a disaster zone...surprised the Reserves aren't here to help me out! So, I have an entire house to clean...market ready...we want to list shortly after Dustin gets back. I also have a Birthday party to plan and throw!! My little Gwynnie is turning 4!! She wants a Tangled party and boy have I been having fun with that! I'll post a sneak preview :0) The problem...I have ZERO motivation!! I have major Senioritis!! So much to do, but at the end of a long journey, when you can see the end in sight...I'm just done. On top of that, we don't have AC, which normally isn't a big deal. This year however (thinking due to all the fires around us) we have had a HOT summer!! We've been in the 90s frequently, getting up to 98, 2 days and I just don't do heat well!! Hopefully it will cool off soon and I can get off of my bed (where the ceiling fan is) and get some of this stuff done!!!!!
The invitation and party blower :0) So much fun stuff to do with this theme!!
I have SO much to get done in the next week it is crazy! After being sick for so long (feeling MUCH better now) my house is a disaster zone...surprised the Reserves aren't here to help me out! So, I have an entire house to clean...market ready...we want to list shortly after Dustin gets back. I also have a Birthday party to plan and throw!! My little Gwynnie is turning 4!! She wants a Tangled party and boy have I been having fun with that! I'll post a sneak preview :0) The problem...I have ZERO motivation!! I have major Senioritis!! So much to do, but at the end of a long journey, when you can see the end in sight...I'm just done. On top of that, we don't have AC, which normally isn't a big deal. This year however (thinking due to all the fires around us) we have had a HOT summer!! We've been in the 90s frequently, getting up to 98, 2 days and I just don't do heat well!! Hopefully it will cool off soon and I can get off of my bed (where the ceiling fan is) and get some of this stuff done!!!!!
The invitation and party blower :0) So much fun stuff to do with this theme!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Days 338-339
This evening I sat out on my back porch. It was a beautiful night (after the 93 degrees we had today...anything would be better!) There was a perfect breeze. The crickets were chirping. The sprinkler was lulling me to a calm relaxation. The sun was peaking out from behind some dark clouds (one of my favorite things in the world!) It was wonderful. The only thing that would have made it better would have been Dustin sitting by my side (and if the bird poop on my arm rest would have just magically disappeared :0)
I feel like a NEW woman tonight!! I am not sure if it's the medication I am on now or finally having some answers...or what...but it's great!! I had a contrast MRI done (on Wed, day 337) and today I went to see an Gynecologist. He was old school, very chatty and touchy (not in a creepy way but a reassuring way), but very sweet. He told me that my MRI came back normal. All of my tests have been coming back normal and yet I am still swollen. He said there is no obvious cause for it and put me on anti-inflammatory medication. He also did another ultrasound and we found 6 cysts on my left ovary! I'm not sure why the other 2 didn't find any...maybe they were just more concerned with the inflammation. Anyway, he feels both of these situations will get better by themselves over time. (I am just so grateful that there isn't anything seriously wrong!!) He also said he thinks having my husband come home will do me a world of good. You know what? I think he's right!
I feel like a NEW woman tonight!! I am not sure if it's the medication I am on now or finally having some answers...or what...but it's great!! I had a contrast MRI done (on Wed, day 337) and today I went to see an Gynecologist. He was old school, very chatty and touchy (not in a creepy way but a reassuring way), but very sweet. He told me that my MRI came back normal. All of my tests have been coming back normal and yet I am still swollen. He said there is no obvious cause for it and put me on anti-inflammatory medication. He also did another ultrasound and we found 6 cysts on my left ovary! I'm not sure why the other 2 didn't find any...maybe they were just more concerned with the inflammation. Anyway, he feels both of these situations will get better by themselves over time. (I am just so grateful that there isn't anything seriously wrong!!) He also said he thinks having my husband come home will do me a world of good. You know what? I think he's right!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Days 331-337
We’ve hit the 11 month mark but, soldiers are leaping off the wall again!! I found 3 on the floor. These poor last few guys have been real troopers…they’ve been hanging on for a long time! I don’t blame them at all for trying to end their mission! Sometimes I feel that way. If I weren’t glued to the wall, held up with faith, I’d have given up a long time ago and tried to end my mission early too!!
Feeling down lately, I had been desperately looking for a quote that I found last deployment; about the strength of an Army Wife. While digging through all of my old files, quotes, and blogs I stumbled upon a blog I had written with a quote from “Wedding Date.” Paraphrased it said, I believe everyone has the exact life they want. My blog went on to talk about how we choose to be happy or we choose to be sad. It really took me aback. I was right. I have been choosing to be sad. I have had a really rough past few months for two main reasons (people and health) and I let myself slip into a world of self pity and I wasn’t really living my life.
Having issues with some in my life…as you probably noted from previous blogs…I was trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me. Was he trying to teach me to set firm boundaries and distance myself from those who are worldly and set out to hurt others? Perhaps he was trying to teach me to be more forgiving, my accepting, and to have more patience. I had decided that the former was true. After all it was the easier option. It’s much easier to cut people off instead of loving them through a difficult situation. Surely God doesn’t want me to subject myself to those who would purposely and heartlessly hurt me. I really started to wrestle with it. After all, WWJD…right?? And what did he do…he died on the cross so that all may know his love. All those who hated him, all those who spread rumors and lies about him, all of those who wanted to kill him…he DIED for them.
Am I willing to die for those who mistreat me…no…but then again, I am not Jesus. I am working on being Christ-like…but I am nowhere near that selfless. When I am struggling with something, I like to Google the subject matter. In doing so, I was drawn to a few passages…
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Colossians 3:12-15
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Romans 12:19-21
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, "says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
So, I have spent a lot of time praying this week that I would be able to forgive those who hurt me so badly. That I would be able to show them compassion and treat them as Jesus would have. And I am praying that I will have the peace that only Jesus can give me.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I also found some nonBiblical quotes that I thought were fitting…
♥"If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it." Anon.
♥“Anybody who criticizes you is a wimp. So be you. And be you loud, and be you strong, and be you to the maximum.” John Mayer
My health has been a downer too…literally. As I have shared before, I don’t have a lot of energy and I just don’t feel well. It has been all too easy lately to lay around all day. I really had to take a look at myself though and realize that I could be up and out. I don’t feel well and in the back of my head, not knowing what is going on is really getting me down (working on it though…had a contrast MRI last night.) However, that doesn’t mean that I get to sit here and waste my days.
♥Lamentations 3:19-23
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Every morning I get up, I have the wonderful promise that God’s compassion never fails me. He knows what I am going through. He knows this is a rough time in my life…but if I open my eyes and look around, I will see his compassions for me (like the gift of a sweet friend who sends me uplifting mail.) I will feel his love. The worst thing I can possibly do is sit here and waste that gift. He loves me. He has given me SO many blessings. I need to remember to focus on the blessings and not the pain in my life. I truly believe that if I allow him to, God will use all of my struggles to make me a better person. I can sit here and be hurt and angry, sad and self-pitting…or I can get up and trust that he will give me the strength to get through everything that I have to face. I can grow and become a better person. Isn’t that what being a Christian is all about…trying to become like him? I can’t possibly imagine Jesus sitting around being blue. So, I am choosing not to either. I am going to get up every morning and try to make the best of every day.
♥The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown
♥When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. ~Author Unknown
♥Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey
♥I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. ~Jewish Proverb
♥When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
♥The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheney
♥God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. ~John Aughey
♥Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections…unknown
I know that I will have to remind myself of this many more times. It’s too easy to become self centered instead of being Christ centered. So, having reached this decision to live my life to look at the growth instead of the pain, I put my first foot forward on that path. As my friend wrote to me, “If we look up to the Sonshine, we will not see the shadows.” So hang in their little soldiers, we can do this!! We are almost there!!!!!
Feeling down lately, I had been desperately looking for a quote that I found last deployment; about the strength of an Army Wife. While digging through all of my old files, quotes, and blogs I stumbled upon a blog I had written with a quote from “Wedding Date.” Paraphrased it said, I believe everyone has the exact life they want. My blog went on to talk about how we choose to be happy or we choose to be sad. It really took me aback. I was right. I have been choosing to be sad. I have had a really rough past few months for two main reasons (people and health) and I let myself slip into a world of self pity and I wasn’t really living my life.
Having issues with some in my life…as you probably noted from previous blogs…I was trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me. Was he trying to teach me to set firm boundaries and distance myself from those who are worldly and set out to hurt others? Perhaps he was trying to teach me to be more forgiving, my accepting, and to have more patience. I had decided that the former was true. After all it was the easier option. It’s much easier to cut people off instead of loving them through a difficult situation. Surely God doesn’t want me to subject myself to those who would purposely and heartlessly hurt me. I really started to wrestle with it. After all, WWJD…right?? And what did he do…he died on the cross so that all may know his love. All those who hated him, all those who spread rumors and lies about him, all of those who wanted to kill him…he DIED for them.
Am I willing to die for those who mistreat me…no…but then again, I am not Jesus. I am working on being Christ-like…but I am nowhere near that selfless. When I am struggling with something, I like to Google the subject matter. In doing so, I was drawn to a few passages…
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Colossians 3:12-15
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Romans 12:19-21
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, "says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
So, I have spent a lot of time praying this week that I would be able to forgive those who hurt me so badly. That I would be able to show them compassion and treat them as Jesus would have. And I am praying that I will have the peace that only Jesus can give me.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I also found some nonBiblical quotes that I thought were fitting…
♥"If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it." Anon.
♥“Anybody who criticizes you is a wimp. So be you. And be you loud, and be you strong, and be you to the maximum.” John Mayer
My health has been a downer too…literally. As I have shared before, I don’t have a lot of energy and I just don’t feel well. It has been all too easy lately to lay around all day. I really had to take a look at myself though and realize that I could be up and out. I don’t feel well and in the back of my head, not knowing what is going on is really getting me down (working on it though…had a contrast MRI last night.) However, that doesn’t mean that I get to sit here and waste my days.
♥Lamentations 3:19-23
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Every morning I get up, I have the wonderful promise that God’s compassion never fails me. He knows what I am going through. He knows this is a rough time in my life…but if I open my eyes and look around, I will see his compassions for me (like the gift of a sweet friend who sends me uplifting mail.) I will feel his love. The worst thing I can possibly do is sit here and waste that gift. He loves me. He has given me SO many blessings. I need to remember to focus on the blessings and not the pain in my life. I truly believe that if I allow him to, God will use all of my struggles to make me a better person. I can sit here and be hurt and angry, sad and self-pitting…or I can get up and trust that he will give me the strength to get through everything that I have to face. I can grow and become a better person. Isn’t that what being a Christian is all about…trying to become like him? I can’t possibly imagine Jesus sitting around being blue. So, I am choosing not to either. I am going to get up every morning and try to make the best of every day.
♥The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown
♥When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. ~Author Unknown
♥Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey
♥I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. ~Jewish Proverb
♥When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
♥The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheney
♥God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. ~John Aughey
♥Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections…unknown
I know that I will have to remind myself of this many more times. It’s too easy to become self centered instead of being Christ centered. So, having reached this decision to live my life to look at the growth instead of the pain, I put my first foot forward on that path. As my friend wrote to me, “If we look up to the Sonshine, we will not see the shadows.” So hang in their little soldiers, we can do this!! We are almost there!!!!!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Days 322-330
This past week has been rough. I was so sick I threw up and then had to turn around and take my kiddos to the dentist and then to t-ball practice. I did finish up my antibiotics though and with that, seemed to be a marked improvement on my nausea…which is great…NO one likes to barf. On Wednesday night, after I came home from t-ball practice, I learned that my friend’s husband had been in a terrible motorcycle accident. He was in extremely critical condition. I began to pray and then learned moments later that he has passed away. I don’t really know why this hit me so hard. I had actually never him. His wife, Sandi however is very dear to me. She’s been my teacher here at PWOC for a few semesters and I’ve just really looked up to her as what a Christian woman should be. She spoke endlessly of her husband and family. You could just tell he was an amazing man. I wept and prayed all night. Not because he was gone, but because I can only imagine the pain that my friend was going through. With Dustin deployed, it’s always in the back of my mind that he might not come home. For this to come out of the blue, he was on his way home for an early dinner… So tragic.
With the house to ourselves now, we had to do our adjusting to our “normal” lives. The kids were staying up late, waking up normally and CRABBY! :0) My sister and I got to talk for a while which was nice. With everything going on lately, we really haven’t had a chance to just talk. Gwynn had her first game and we prepared dinner to take to my friend and her family. She asked me if I would set up a table with pictures and some of her husband’s stuff. I gladly accepted. I was happy to be able to help her. That was really hard though. Holding his things. Cleaning off dust from the pictures and plaques that are dear to their family. It was all I could to do choke back tears the next day as I set up the table. I will say, I never expected a funeral to be as difficult as it was. It was a beautiful service though.
That night, I took my kiddos to the circus. I am not sure if it was because of my state of mind, or if it really did just suck…but I was disappointed in the circus!! SOoooo many clowns so few other cool things. My kiddos had fun though. It’s really odd, Gwynn won’t leave my side lately. I had to have my hand on her the whole time we were there. If I leave a room and she doesn’t know where I am, she freaks out. Poor girl.
I got to go have my second ultrasound. The tech is so funny. On the way back to the room she said, “You know Sarah, there is no toaster here.” It took me a minute, but I finally got she was saying there was no prize to win, I could stop coming back. My dr. apt the next morning revealed that everything looks normal but my cervix is still swollen. The antibiotics didn't clear it up, there is nothing to fight off, I am still in pain and the ultrasounds aren't showing anything wrong... so now I have a contrast MRI scheduled and then a referral to OBGYN. Hopefully someone can fix me before my hubby comes home…it won’t be a very good welcome home if we can’t do anything!! :0)
I was having a really hard time yesterday. There was a commo black out and I couldn’t talk to Dustin. With the sudden passing of my friends husband, news of a soldier losing both of his legs on his last mission before he came home, I’ve been on edge. We’re so close, but so far and anything can happen. None of us are promised tomorrow. Knowing what a commo black out means, it made it even more difficult. I kind of shut down yesterday and spent the morning and afternoon sleeping.
This morning I was making breakfast, turned wrong and twisted my knee. My poor knee. I really need to go get injections again, but with all of my other appointments lately, I am going to put it off as long as possible. Between my kiddos and my appointments, I might as well live up there at the hospital!
It was so nice to get to talk to my hubby today (even if I had to get up before 6 am to do it.) I can’t wait to have him home and in my arms, well or not. At this point, it just doesn’t matter. I want him home! The good news is we’re under a month now!
With the house to ourselves now, we had to do our adjusting to our “normal” lives. The kids were staying up late, waking up normally and CRABBY! :0) My sister and I got to talk for a while which was nice. With everything going on lately, we really haven’t had a chance to just talk. Gwynn had her first game and we prepared dinner to take to my friend and her family. She asked me if I would set up a table with pictures and some of her husband’s stuff. I gladly accepted. I was happy to be able to help her. That was really hard though. Holding his things. Cleaning off dust from the pictures and plaques that are dear to their family. It was all I could to do choke back tears the next day as I set up the table. I will say, I never expected a funeral to be as difficult as it was. It was a beautiful service though.
That night, I took my kiddos to the circus. I am not sure if it was because of my state of mind, or if it really did just suck…but I was disappointed in the circus!! SOoooo many clowns so few other cool things. My kiddos had fun though. It’s really odd, Gwynn won’t leave my side lately. I had to have my hand on her the whole time we were there. If I leave a room and she doesn’t know where I am, she freaks out. Poor girl.
I got to go have my second ultrasound. The tech is so funny. On the way back to the room she said, “You know Sarah, there is no toaster here.” It took me a minute, but I finally got she was saying there was no prize to win, I could stop coming back. My dr. apt the next morning revealed that everything looks normal but my cervix is still swollen. The antibiotics didn't clear it up, there is nothing to fight off, I am still in pain and the ultrasounds aren't showing anything wrong... so now I have a contrast MRI scheduled and then a referral to OBGYN. Hopefully someone can fix me before my hubby comes home…it won’t be a very good welcome home if we can’t do anything!! :0)
I was having a really hard time yesterday. There was a commo black out and I couldn’t talk to Dustin. With the sudden passing of my friends husband, news of a soldier losing both of his legs on his last mission before he came home, I’ve been on edge. We’re so close, but so far and anything can happen. None of us are promised tomorrow. Knowing what a commo black out means, it made it even more difficult. I kind of shut down yesterday and spent the morning and afternoon sleeping.
This morning I was making breakfast, turned wrong and twisted my knee. My poor knee. I really need to go get injections again, but with all of my other appointments lately, I am going to put it off as long as possible. Between my kiddos and my appointments, I might as well live up there at the hospital!
It was so nice to get to talk to my hubby today (even if I had to get up before 6 am to do it.) I can’t wait to have him home and in my arms, well or not. At this point, it just doesn’t matter. I want him home! The good news is we’re under a month now!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Days 318-321
Well now that my pity party is over… We are all human. We all have those days, right?? Boy do I feel like a big baby though. Thursday, I was stressed out, in pain and tired. You should all be thankful I didn’t blog on Saturday!! I was so hurt that I was ready to dig in, guns a blazin’ and leave no man left to tell about it. But that brings up a great question. Something I have been struggling with for a long time. We’ve all been told, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” What if something not nice, NEEDS to be said? Then what? My human side wants to scream it out. My trying-to-be-Christ-like side bites my tongue…and sometimes it draws blood!! But is that right? Is that what Jesus would do? Walk away, without saying anything or speak the truth in love?
I was done and I was going to speak my peace. I was going to explain just how I was hurt and not hold anything back. However, my pastor spoke about showing others Christ, in us, through our actions. Man did I feel convicted about even thinking of letting Mamma Bear growl. Then my sister-in-love sent out an email with our questions for our next study… “Do our lives reflect Christ?” (after going back and reading that…It actually said “reflect trust in Christ”…but I think God was still speaking to me through her words and my inability to read correctly!) Then I watched a video my sister shared that spoke about Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Okay God, I get it. Your thoughts are so much higher than my sinful thoughts. I need to show you and your love and grace to others through my actions. I need to try, as feebly as it might be, to reflect you and your ways. You have given me so much grace and mercy…and I know I have not always been as grateful of the amazing gift you gave me as I should be. But you don’t yell at me, cutting me to my quick because I don’t act as grateful as I should. I need to extend the same grace and mercy you gave me and show you through my actions.
I was reminded of the song, “You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.” Also, “Refiner’s fire, my hearts one desire, is to be holy, set apart for you my master, ready to do your will.” I realized how selfish and un-Christ-like I was being. If that really, truly is my desire, it’s not an easy path…it’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt sometimes. I remember the saying that goes something like…It’s not about what life hands you, its how you handle it. I really think that’s true. We are all given lumps and bumps on the road…but how do we handle it? Do we throw a pity party like I did the other day, or do we put on our big girl panties and try to grow from it?
Well it turns out I did both. After I threw a fit, I put on my big girl panties and learned from this. I need to put my family and our needs first. I really need to learn to set firm boundaries. I need to learn to help those that are truly in need and let others learn to deal with their own choices and the consequences of them. I need to learn to say no…when I know that is what needs to be said. Instead of getting mad at people for their ignorance, I need to educate them. I need to make clear what I need from the people in my life.
I can’t be mad at people for doing things they don’t know bother me…so with a fresh start for everyone (myself included), here is a little education on my and what I need from the people that come into our home and into our lives. When you, as a “civilian” come into our lives, you need to realize that you are not walking into a “normal” family life. We are different. We are special. I don’t care who you have talked to, who you know or if you watch Army Wives or Coming Home; unless you are presently an Army family, you cannot understand the stress and things that we go through daily and the special needs and considerations this requires. We go through enough in our daily lives that we do not need judgment of any kind. I need you to respect my schedule and rules. I do not need you to tell my children what to do. I do not need your advice on parenting. I am a fantastic mother. It may not look like it to you, things might look very chaotic (trust me they are) but I have it under control. You may have parenting under your belt, but you’ve never parented an “Army Brat.” I realize you don’t really know what it’s like to be an Army wife. I know you don’t really know what it’s like to be an “Arm Brat” or what challenges we have raising them. I don’t honestly expect you to. There is no way that you possibly could.
However, if you walk into our lives, I do expect you to not be judgmental of something you don’t understand, but instead be supportive and have fun with my kids!! Take their minds off of the fact that their daddy is gone, has been gone for a long time and might not come back (yes they understand that at 3 and 6.) I do expect you to respect what we go through and understand we are going to have bad days…frequently, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad kids or that I am not parenting them correctly; it simply means we’re going through a lot. If you can’t even try to understand or respect our lives, you don’t deserve to be a part of them. I might let you walk into our lives, disrespect our house and lives while you are in it, say nothing about it in trying to be a good Christian, but don’t expect us to roll over and take it again. Don’t expect to be welcomed back into our lives with open arms. I will still love you, but probably from afar. I am not being mean or cold; I am being a good mother. My job is to protect my children. I can’t spare them a lot of pain or sadness that they will surely endeavor as “Army Brats,” but you better bet your bottom dollar that I will do whatever it takes to spare them whatever pain I can. My children are strong. My children are AMAZING. I thank God every day for giving them to me. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
Today is a new day. I am putting my family first. I don’t think that is un-Christ-like at all…and if it is, I am sure that He will lay it on my heart. After all, I am the clay and he is the potter. I am excited to have my house to myself today. I got to lay in bed and chat with my hubby while both of my kiddos slept in until 7. That’s a great way to start off my new day!
Having the day to myself was nice...this evening however...in the quiet...it hit me. Reality. Everything that I have been keeping at the back of my mind all month struck and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Part of it is really realizing that my husband is gone again and this shoots up flares for tomorrow. My kiddos will probably be moody now that the house is quiet and they are fully realizing and dealing with it too. Most of it though is my health. When I found out that it wasn’t ovarian cysts but rather Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and possibly Cervical Cancer, I was on my way to pick up my in-loves. Then they left, my brother came over, my parents showed up and just this evening I was left alone with my thoughts. I think if I had my husband to cry with and to hold me, I’d be okay. The thing is though, I am so miserable, I’m not sure I’d even want to be held. I have a day and a half left of my meds and I am no better than I was when this all started. I am still in a lot of pain…the pain is encompassing more of my pelvis…and I am still really nauseous. You would think that all of my tests coming back normal would be a relief…and it was…but if 3 antibiotics haven’t done the trick, and there is nothing to treat because I don’t have any infections or STIs (duh) causing the inflammation…I just don’t know what they are going to be able to do from me.
This is hard to do alone. Dustin is having a really hard time with it too because he’s so far away, and there really isn’t anything he can do for me. So, if you’re reading this and you pray, please keep us in your prayers. Please pray that when I go for my ultrasound next week that the cause will be obvious. I know that in Christ we are not alone. I can do all things through him. It’s just nice to know you have others in your corner too :0)
I was done and I was going to speak my peace. I was going to explain just how I was hurt and not hold anything back. However, my pastor spoke about showing others Christ, in us, through our actions. Man did I feel convicted about even thinking of letting Mamma Bear growl. Then my sister-in-love sent out an email with our questions for our next study… “Do our lives reflect Christ?” (after going back and reading that…It actually said “reflect trust in Christ”…but I think God was still speaking to me through her words and my inability to read correctly!) Then I watched a video my sister shared that spoke about Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Okay God, I get it. Your thoughts are so much higher than my sinful thoughts. I need to show you and your love and grace to others through my actions. I need to try, as feebly as it might be, to reflect you and your ways. You have given me so much grace and mercy…and I know I have not always been as grateful of the amazing gift you gave me as I should be. But you don’t yell at me, cutting me to my quick because I don’t act as grateful as I should. I need to extend the same grace and mercy you gave me and show you through my actions.
I was reminded of the song, “You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.” Also, “Refiner’s fire, my hearts one desire, is to be holy, set apart for you my master, ready to do your will.” I realized how selfish and un-Christ-like I was being. If that really, truly is my desire, it’s not an easy path…it’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt sometimes. I remember the saying that goes something like…It’s not about what life hands you, its how you handle it. I really think that’s true. We are all given lumps and bumps on the road…but how do we handle it? Do we throw a pity party like I did the other day, or do we put on our big girl panties and try to grow from it?
Well it turns out I did both. After I threw a fit, I put on my big girl panties and learned from this. I need to put my family and our needs first. I really need to learn to set firm boundaries. I need to learn to help those that are truly in need and let others learn to deal with their own choices and the consequences of them. I need to learn to say no…when I know that is what needs to be said. Instead of getting mad at people for their ignorance, I need to educate them. I need to make clear what I need from the people in my life.
I can’t be mad at people for doing things they don’t know bother me…so with a fresh start for everyone (myself included), here is a little education on my and what I need from the people that come into our home and into our lives. When you, as a “civilian” come into our lives, you need to realize that you are not walking into a “normal” family life. We are different. We are special. I don’t care who you have talked to, who you know or if you watch Army Wives or Coming Home; unless you are presently an Army family, you cannot understand the stress and things that we go through daily and the special needs and considerations this requires. We go through enough in our daily lives that we do not need judgment of any kind. I need you to respect my schedule and rules. I do not need you to tell my children what to do. I do not need your advice on parenting. I am a fantastic mother. It may not look like it to you, things might look very chaotic (trust me they are) but I have it under control. You may have parenting under your belt, but you’ve never parented an “Army Brat.” I realize you don’t really know what it’s like to be an Army wife. I know you don’t really know what it’s like to be an “Arm Brat” or what challenges we have raising them. I don’t honestly expect you to. There is no way that you possibly could.
However, if you walk into our lives, I do expect you to not be judgmental of something you don’t understand, but instead be supportive and have fun with my kids!! Take their minds off of the fact that their daddy is gone, has been gone for a long time and might not come back (yes they understand that at 3 and 6.) I do expect you to respect what we go through and understand we are going to have bad days…frequently, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad kids or that I am not parenting them correctly; it simply means we’re going through a lot. If you can’t even try to understand or respect our lives, you don’t deserve to be a part of them. I might let you walk into our lives, disrespect our house and lives while you are in it, say nothing about it in trying to be a good Christian, but don’t expect us to roll over and take it again. Don’t expect to be welcomed back into our lives with open arms. I will still love you, but probably from afar. I am not being mean or cold; I am being a good mother. My job is to protect my children. I can’t spare them a lot of pain or sadness that they will surely endeavor as “Army Brats,” but you better bet your bottom dollar that I will do whatever it takes to spare them whatever pain I can. My children are strong. My children are AMAZING. I thank God every day for giving them to me. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
Today is a new day. I am putting my family first. I don’t think that is un-Christ-like at all…and if it is, I am sure that He will lay it on my heart. After all, I am the clay and he is the potter. I am excited to have my house to myself today. I got to lay in bed and chat with my hubby while both of my kiddos slept in until 7. That’s a great way to start off my new day!
Having the day to myself was nice...this evening however...in the quiet...it hit me. Reality. Everything that I have been keeping at the back of my mind all month struck and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Part of it is really realizing that my husband is gone again and this shoots up flares for tomorrow. My kiddos will probably be moody now that the house is quiet and they are fully realizing and dealing with it too. Most of it though is my health. When I found out that it wasn’t ovarian cysts but rather Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and possibly Cervical Cancer, I was on my way to pick up my in-loves. Then they left, my brother came over, my parents showed up and just this evening I was left alone with my thoughts. I think if I had my husband to cry with and to hold me, I’d be okay. The thing is though, I am so miserable, I’m not sure I’d even want to be held. I have a day and a half left of my meds and I am no better than I was when this all started. I am still in a lot of pain…the pain is encompassing more of my pelvis…and I am still really nauseous. You would think that all of my tests coming back normal would be a relief…and it was…but if 3 antibiotics haven’t done the trick, and there is nothing to treat because I don’t have any infections or STIs (duh) causing the inflammation…I just don’t know what they are going to be able to do from me.
This is hard to do alone. Dustin is having a really hard time with it too because he’s so far away, and there really isn’t anything he can do for me. So, if you’re reading this and you pray, please keep us in your prayers. Please pray that when I go for my ultrasound next week that the cause will be obvious. I know that in Christ we are not alone. I can do all things through him. It’s just nice to know you have others in your corner too :0)
Friday, June 3, 2011
Day 317
Man, I am on a Blogging roll!! I’ve been in a bad place lately. This deployment is getting really long. All year I have done everything anyone asked me to do. I haven’t said no to anything. I’ve been really giving. If you’ve read my blogs, you know that already. The thing is, I really don't mind it. I love helping people, but I need some time to myself too!! This whole year, there was ONE week that was going to be mine. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t have anything I had to do. I wasn’t going to have anyone in my house. The rest of the year, any time we had off of school, I either went somewhere or someone was here, OR I had other obligations. This week, was the week that I was looking forward to. The one week we had nothing!! Then, I took in my brother, his wife and son…this week.
I have been really grouchy. I’ve been angry. My car hasn’t started 3 times this week. I have to keep my kids quiet so they don’t wake anyone up. My son is so excited to have a man in the house, but that man doesn’t like to be constantly engaged with an excited 6 year old boy (not that I can blame him.) I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks before Dustin gets home. I have to have my house ready to sell. Well the inside. We have stuff to do to the outside as soon as Dustin comes home. I am sick. I've been sick for 32 days and still have 11 more until I go see the dr. again. I am still in pain. I still get so nauseous that I have to stop everything and take a nap (which is challenging when you have to keep your kids in check because there is a baby in the house and you don't want your company to feel like they have to take care of your kids.) It’s getting hot; we don’t have AC and hot makes me grumpy. I am tired. I am ready to be well. I am ready to have my husband home.
This last month has been crazy!! Dustin left, my brother came, my in-laws came and left, my parents came and left, my brother moved in… Every time my kids have to say good-bye to someone it’s hard. They have a crazy emotional day, they are cranky and it’s just no fun! Even when my brother left for the day, the kids were cranky and grumpy…it was a long miserable day. Although I have loved having every one of those visitors here, I am ready to have my house back! Although most people might not realize it, I am an introvert. Constantly being out and about or around people really drains me. I am tired. The two places I use to get recharged (PWOC and church) have been draining me more than most places! I was so busy this year with PWOC that I didn’t really get a chance to enjoy it. Church has been a major disappointment because I don’t like our pastor as a pastor, I don’t like the music they have started singing and our church does so much and they keep asking me to pitch in.
I have decided that the rest of the deployment has to be about my family and what is best for us. I am not going to say yes to anyone. I have been doing that for 46 weeks…I think I can be selfish for 5!! It’s going to be hard though. Sometimes, doing what is best for yourself, putting yourself and not others first is hard. But, I am falling apart. I need to do it. I HAVE to do it.
Verse of the Day: "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2
Silver Lining
♥ When I pull up my calendar on my computer screen, I can see the day that Dustin will be home!
I have been really grouchy. I’ve been angry. My car hasn’t started 3 times this week. I have to keep my kids quiet so they don’t wake anyone up. My son is so excited to have a man in the house, but that man doesn’t like to be constantly engaged with an excited 6 year old boy (not that I can blame him.) I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks before Dustin gets home. I have to have my house ready to sell. Well the inside. We have stuff to do to the outside as soon as Dustin comes home. I am sick. I've been sick for 32 days and still have 11 more until I go see the dr. again. I am still in pain. I still get so nauseous that I have to stop everything and take a nap (which is challenging when you have to keep your kids in check because there is a baby in the house and you don't want your company to feel like they have to take care of your kids.) It’s getting hot; we don’t have AC and hot makes me grumpy. I am tired. I am ready to be well. I am ready to have my husband home.
This last month has been crazy!! Dustin left, my brother came, my in-laws came and left, my parents came and left, my brother moved in… Every time my kids have to say good-bye to someone it’s hard. They have a crazy emotional day, they are cranky and it’s just no fun! Even when my brother left for the day, the kids were cranky and grumpy…it was a long miserable day. Although I have loved having every one of those visitors here, I am ready to have my house back! Although most people might not realize it, I am an introvert. Constantly being out and about or around people really drains me. I am tired. The two places I use to get recharged (PWOC and church) have been draining me more than most places! I was so busy this year with PWOC that I didn’t really get a chance to enjoy it. Church has been a major disappointment because I don’t like our pastor as a pastor, I don’t like the music they have started singing and our church does so much and they keep asking me to pitch in.
I have decided that the rest of the deployment has to be about my family and what is best for us. I am not going to say yes to anyone. I have been doing that for 46 weeks…I think I can be selfish for 5!! It’s going to be hard though. Sometimes, doing what is best for yourself, putting yourself and not others first is hard. But, I am falling apart. I need to do it. I HAVE to do it.
Verse of the Day: "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2
Silver Lining
♥ When I pull up my calendar on my computer screen, I can see the day that Dustin will be home!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Days 314-316
I forgot to mention in my last uber-long blog about the "Rule of Chaos." As soon as your husband leaves, you are doomed to a plethora of unforeseen chaos. The day Dustin headed back, my car started making crazy loud banging sounds, the next day I got a horrible virus on my computer that just shut it down and took my brother 3 hours to get it off (and that's what he does for a living!) and then my water heater and furnace went out! So, the "Rule of Chaos!" Last Saturday, I got my kiddos in the car for Connor's last soccer game and it wouldn't start. My brother jumped me and off we went. Yesterday I decided to take my kiddos out to lunch and my car wouldn't start again! Well this time we were actually home alone. So, I went down to get the truck. After helping Gwynn into the back little seat, which she was SO excited to ride in, and getting Connor in, the truck wouldn't start! Thankfully, my parents had left their car here for the summer, so we took that. Now my parents drive a Lincoln...other than their cat, it's pretty much their baby! Well, I spilled pop on the floor of that!! Chaos!!
I parked their car, threw the trickle charger on my car and claimed my stay-at-home-day! I do have to say, it's pretty nice having my brother here, who can help me out! He jumped the truck, fixed my leaky shower, and put insulated boards in my skylights so that the hot air knows it's not welcome to come in there! :0) We've enjoyed playing in the sprinkler the last few nights...that is until it got too slippery and Gwynn did the splits!
I got a call from my Dr's nurse today. She said all of my test results came back normal. Which is GREAT news...BUT she is concerned because now we don't know what is causing my pain, nausea, and inflammation. I have another ultrasound and a follow up scheduled...so now we just wait and pray the Chaos will soon come to an end.
Verse of the Day: "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
I parked their car, threw the trickle charger on my car and claimed my stay-at-home-day! I do have to say, it's pretty nice having my brother here, who can help me out! He jumped the truck, fixed my leaky shower, and put insulated boards in my skylights so that the hot air knows it's not welcome to come in there! :0) We've enjoyed playing in the sprinkler the last few nights...that is until it got too slippery and Gwynn did the splits!
I got a call from my Dr's nurse today. She said all of my test results came back normal. Which is GREAT news...BUT she is concerned because now we don't know what is causing my pain, nausea, and inflammation. I have another ultrasound and a follow up scheduled...so now we just wait and pray the Chaos will soon come to an end.
Verse of the Day: "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
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