Hi

Hi.
My name is Sarah and I am a sinner.
It’s been less than a day since my last sin.

For years I tried to kick this on my own. I thought that if I just worked harder, one day I would be perfect. One day, I would never sin again. I was taught that if I sinned and immediately died, I would go to Hell. Working towards that kind of perfection is exhausting. I held others in my life to that same standard. That’s what I knew. Christians are perfect. Every time one of them fell off that pedestal, my faith broke a little, until finally, I was done trying. If these strong Christians in my life weren’t perfect, how could I ever be? I still considered myself a Christian although I didn’t go to church, I didn’t read my Bible and I very rarely prayed. I was okay with being that Christian.

Years later, sitting in a large room surrounded by women in my deployment support group, I overheard one of them talking about Chapel and God spoke to my heart. “Go,” was all he said. And so I went, but I still had this false belief in me. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t that perfect Christian. It took me going to the darkest and most lonely place in my life to realize I had it all wrong.

Isolated in a foreign country, with 2 small children, Army newbies in the midst of a 15 month deployment; my cousin was killed in action. There was no way I could get through this on my own. Yes I had amazing friends. Yes I had family to talk to. However, I still felt alone! It was in this broken moment, weeping, that I reached out to Christ. It was here that he took my hand and began to heal me.

I realize now that on this Earth, I will never be perfect. I cannot be perfect because I am human. I am powerless to my sin. It is only through the grace and mercy of my Savior, Jesus Christ that I have hope of being sinless one day. But that day has not arrived. I have not arrived.

I am a sinner.