Week 2: Putting on my Big Girl Panties

This week has been a challenge and I have been pretty darn grumpy. It did start out really well. We got in the car on Saturday and drove. We drove up the Leeward (West) coast as far North as we could go on the road we were on. We ended up on a pretty rough beach. The waves were really busy and the wind was quite fierce. I am sure when my kiddos thought of the beach, they didn’t think of the sand stinging their legs as it whipped past. It was beautiful though. There was a painting class capturing the waves on their canvases. There were a few men fishing. There were even a few brave souls out in the water. We got our feet wet until a huge wave came and Dustin had to lift the kids up…then we just dug around in the sand and I captured a few waves on my digital.

We headed back down the coast line. What I wasn’t prepared for was a little village, if you will, of make-shift houses out of tents, tarps, cars, tires…you name it, it was probably there. It looked like it had been there for quite a while. The island is speckled with the homeless. I guess if I had to be homeless, this wouldn’t be a bad place to be…but it’s still really sad. I was also surprised by the signs calling other Hawaiians sell outs for becoming a state. I know I am in “the states,” but sometimes it really doesn’t feel like it.

We drove around until we found a Military Recreation beach. We knew we weren’t in a very good area of the island so we decided it would be safer, at least until we get our island bearings, to be on a gated beach. It was really beautiful. It’s amazing to me how the terrain changed so much in the few miles that we drove. The waves were much calmer, the sun was out and the wind barely made an appearance. While the kiddos splashed in the waves with Dustin and tried to catch the little fish, I sat on the shore line and just took it all in, letting the waves gently wash over me and then fade back into the ocean. I looked out at the endlessness of the huge ocean and was reminded that God’s love for me is as deep as the ocean. It’s never ending. I lost myself in silent prayer and worship, feeling the waves come and go with the sun basking down on me. It was a beautiful moment, reminding me of God’s love pouring over me and the Son shining down on me. I was quickly brought back to this earth as a big wave rolled in and splashed my face…salty! The salt that clung to my lips reminded me that even though His love is never ending and constantly washing over me, there will be tears and struggles. If only I would have remembered that for the rest of the week!

The first week here was an adventure, but now, it’s just frustrating. I am a very strong type A, and I am feeling so unsettled. I want to get into my routine, but I know as soon as we get a house, all of that will change. The kids are already really getting on each other’s (and to be honest my) nerves. We are all up in each other’s space and business. I am tired of having to leave the room for 30 minutes every time the maid wants to clean because she refuses to do it with us in here. I am frustrated with cooking in the microwave because there aren’t a lot of options and going to the store every day because we don’t have a freezer. I am frustrated that it costs $2.50 a day for the bus because it takes me 20-30 min to drive a mile to Connor’s school. It only takes 20 minutes to walk, but walking 4 miles a day with a toddler in tow and a bum achy knee just isn’t going to happen. I swear if I hear, “but I don’t like to walk” or “I don’t like to sleep” one more time… I am frustrated that it costs me $2.50-$3 for a load of laundry when my washer and dryer are on their way. It’s frustrating to see people that are getting placed in homes and only spending a week in the hotel (I am SO happy for them…just frustrating for me.) It’s frustrating that other “things” aren’t happening because the kids are right next to us and it’s just weird. So, there’s my little gripe session. I just had to get it out. I feel so bad that I have been grumpy this week. I have been snapping at Dustin and the kids and I know it only adds to everything else. They are feeling everything I am, and they don’t need my attitude on top of that! It’s like a crappy Sunday with rotten whipped cream and a moldy cherry on top. Who would that make happy??

We did get offered a place though. I am excited about it. It is in a newer section. It’s a duplex with a garage and a/c. The best part is that it is in the same school district as the hotel so Connor won’t have to change schools! The unfortunate thing is that we can’t move in until after Thanksgiving. I think finding out we got a house, but that we are going to be in this hotel for FIFTY-THREE days was a huge part of my frustration. Today, I put on my big girl panties. I accepted the fact that we are going to be here for a while and went ahead and settled us in a little bit more. I went through everything and reorganized it all. Now that I know we are going to be here for a while (to say the least), I decided we needed to make it more comfortable. I think a lot of my grumpiness was coming from the uncertainty of it all. Now that I have an end date in site, I can prepare myself. Our house still hasn’t sold in Colorado and while that is frustrating, it does give us that many more days to get it sold before we have to pay rent and mortgage. Also, our car is at port! We should have it sometime this next week!! We decided today that even though we really wanted to make this work with one car, we probably need to get a second car…so a car shopping we will go!

Connor is really excited that he gets to stay in his class. He isn’t the new student any more either. They got a new girl and he is trying to make her feel comfortable because he knows what she is going through. It’s really sweet. We got to turn in a paper saying he will officially be going to that school and Dustin got the paperwork from the Doc so Connor can take his Epi Pen to school…so we get to settle in at the school too. Today he came home calling me the Hawaiian name for mother :0)

I got to go to PWOC here this week and it was great!! The ladies were so nice and so welcoming. That’s what I love about PWOC…it’s like a family away from family. You know you will walk in and be welcomed by women who love the Lord. As I was walking in, my flip flop broke! Having been dropped off and not wanting to hop back to the hotel on one foot, with Gwynn, I just took it off. Can I just say…I am not making a very good first impression at this chapel! First appearance, I lost my son and cried. Second appearance, I walk around with one shoe. Oh well, they accepted me tear streaked, dirty footed and all!

Tonight when Dustin got home we got in the car and took off again! We ended up in Pearl City at the southern end of the island. It was really busy and congested, but they have Wal Mart and McD’s!

This week I started up my 40 days of Thankfulness. As I sat and thought of things to be thankful for, I realized how selfish and spoiled I am…refer to the 4th paragraph if you must. Even though it kind of hurt to realize that, I am glad I did. God and I had a good talk in the shower and it helped to get my heart back in the right place. I am really blessed. I have a lot of great things in my life to be thankful for and that’s what I need to focus on…not the crap in the 4th paragraph :0)