Today, my grandpa passed away. He was an amazing man. He had 5 children (2 of whom already passed), 16 grandchildren (2 of whom tragically passed), and 15 great-grands. He was such a sweet, gentle, loving man. He loved Jesus. When I couldn’t look to my parents’ marriage as an example of true love, his and grandma’s was a shining example. I longed to marry a man like him and have my fairy tale marriage like they did. (I think I’ve been quite successful too!) I am so happy that he and grandma (who passed away 10 years ago) are together again.
I had written my grandpa a note, telling him how much I loved him and how much I was thankful that he was my grandpa. I put it in the mail Monday morning. Something kept telling me I needed to call him. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what to say. However, Tuesday morning, I did pick up the phone and call him. It was so hard. Hearing him struggle to breathe as he told me he loved me and was glad to hear my voice literally broke my heart.
Through tears last night, I asked God to be merciful and bring him home quickly. God answered my prayer and tonight, that’s where he is and this hopeless romantic is smiling through the tears.
With the passing of my grandmother last Tuesday and the passing of my grandpa today, that generation in my family has come to an end. They all left a legacy of love and Christ to be deeply treasured.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wings
Today my grandmother passed away. She was an amazing woman. She would have been 89 this May. She had 15 children. She had 29 grandchildren (I think!) I am not even going to try and count her great grandchildren!! She was a beautiful, kind, gentle, and graceful woman. She loved Jesus. I am so happy that she is with him now.
I found out on Facebook that she passed. This is one of the drawbacks of being a child of divorce, I guess. However, it’s not really. All five of my other siblings got an email (one even got a phone call) from my dad letting them know she had passed. Ouch. Today, I fought back tears…because my grandmother passed away? No…because there just seems to be no end to the ways my dad hurts me.
I rarely talk about my dad. So much has happened there but none of it really matters. It’s in my past. I’ve forgiven him so many times. Every time I did, I have accepted him back into my life. Twice he’s written me out of his life…literally written to me to tell me he was done with me. What horrible things have I done to deserve this you might ask?
If anyone can answer that, I would appreciate it!! Ironically, both times I was disowned, were right after Dustin had deployed. I just don’t know how you could possibly kick someone more when they are down. Do you? The last time, I had enough. I forgave him, but I refused to play his games any longer. I love him for giving me life. I am grateful for the Biblical lessons he taught me. However, that’s where it ends. I have learned that I can love someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to let them in my life. I can love them from a distance.
I send him pictures of the kids. I write to him for holidays and his birthday. However, I don’t pick up the phone and call him and I won’t invite him into my house ever again (that’s a really long story.) Is our relationship strained? Yes. Does he know that? Yes. Does that mean I don’t deserve to know that my grandmother passed away? No.
Did he intentionally email all 5 of my siblings and accidentally forget me? Knowing my dad, I have a pretty good guess. However, I don’t know definitively. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What I do know is that after today, I refuse to react emotionally to his actions; intentional or not. I am going to react to what I know to be the truth. He is human too. He is hurt too. God is working on him too. He hasn’t arrived either. My grandmother however, has! :0)
I found out on Facebook that she passed. This is one of the drawbacks of being a child of divorce, I guess. However, it’s not really. All five of my other siblings got an email (one even got a phone call) from my dad letting them know she had passed. Ouch. Today, I fought back tears…because my grandmother passed away? No…because there just seems to be no end to the ways my dad hurts me.
I rarely talk about my dad. So much has happened there but none of it really matters. It’s in my past. I’ve forgiven him so many times. Every time I did, I have accepted him back into my life. Twice he’s written me out of his life…literally written to me to tell me he was done with me. What horrible things have I done to deserve this you might ask?
If anyone can answer that, I would appreciate it!! Ironically, both times I was disowned, were right after Dustin had deployed. I just don’t know how you could possibly kick someone more when they are down. Do you? The last time, I had enough. I forgave him, but I refused to play his games any longer. I love him for giving me life. I am grateful for the Biblical lessons he taught me. However, that’s where it ends. I have learned that I can love someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to let them in my life. I can love them from a distance.
I send him pictures of the kids. I write to him for holidays and his birthday. However, I don’t pick up the phone and call him and I won’t invite him into my house ever again (that’s a really long story.) Is our relationship strained? Yes. Does he know that? Yes. Does that mean I don’t deserve to know that my grandmother passed away? No.
Did he intentionally email all 5 of my siblings and accidentally forget me? Knowing my dad, I have a pretty good guess. However, I don’t know definitively. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What I do know is that after today, I refuse to react emotionally to his actions; intentional or not. I am going to react to what I know to be the truth. He is human too. He is hurt too. God is working on him too. He hasn’t arrived either. My grandmother however, has! :0)
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