Day 317

Man, I am on a Blogging roll!! I’ve been in a bad place lately. This deployment is getting really long. All year I have done everything anyone asked me to do. I haven’t said no to anything. I’ve been really giving. If you’ve read my blogs, you know that already. The thing is, I really don't mind it. I love helping people, but I need some time to myself too!! This whole year, there was ONE week that was going to be mine. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t have anything I had to do. I wasn’t going to have anyone in my house. The rest of the year, any time we had off of school, I either went somewhere or someone was here, OR I had other obligations. This week, was the week that I was looking forward to. The one week we had nothing!! Then, I took in my brother, his wife and son…this week.

I have been really grouchy. I’ve been angry. My car hasn’t started 3 times this week. I have to keep my kids quiet so they don’t wake anyone up. My son is so excited to have a man in the house, but that man doesn’t like to be constantly engaged with an excited 6 year old boy (not that I can blame him.) I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks before Dustin gets home. I have to have my house ready to sell. Well the inside. We have stuff to do to the outside as soon as Dustin comes home. I am sick. I've been sick for 32 days and still have 11 more until I go see the dr. again. I am still in pain. I still get so nauseous that I have to stop everything and take a nap (which is challenging when you have to keep your kids in check because there is a baby in the house and you don't want your company to feel like they have to take care of your kids.) It’s getting hot; we don’t have AC and hot makes me grumpy. I am tired. I am ready to be well. I am ready to have my husband home.

This last month has been crazy!! Dustin left, my brother came, my in-laws came and left, my parents came and left, my brother moved in… Every time my kids have to say good-bye to someone it’s hard. They have a crazy emotional day, they are cranky and it’s just no fun! Even when my brother left for the day, the kids were cranky and grumpy…it was a long miserable day. Although I have loved having every one of those visitors here, I am ready to have my house back! Although most people might not realize it, I am an introvert. Constantly being out and about or around people really drains me. I am tired. The two places I use to get recharged (PWOC and church) have been draining me more than most places! I was so busy this year with PWOC that I didn’t really get a chance to enjoy it. Church has been a major disappointment because I don’t like our pastor as a pastor, I don’t like the music they have started singing and our church does so much and they keep asking me to pitch in.

I have decided that the rest of the deployment has to be about my family and what is best for us. I am not going to say yes to anyone. I have been doing that for 46 weeks…I think I can be selfish for 5!! It’s going to be hard though. Sometimes, doing what is best for yourself, putting yourself and not others first is hard. But, I am falling apart. I need to do it. I HAVE to do it.

Verse of the Day: "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2

Silver Lining
♥ When I pull up my calendar on my computer screen, I can see the day that Dustin will be home!