Saying Goodbye

This is the hardest part...until the days that are long and tiring...and the middle where you think the deployment will never end...and when you're so close to the end and it's just so hard to wait...okay, it's all hard.

We knew this was coming for awhile. This is why we worked so hard to get the yard done. We wanted to have somewhere for the kids to play while he was gone. I think in a way drowning ourselves in projects and our trip was good. It kept our minds off of the inevitable. Of course, Eve's curse came 2 days after we got home and then 2 days later I got sick. Just not an ideal situation for good bye's.

Yesterday was so long. Dustin was home all day. You try to spend as much time together as you can...without spending too much time together. When you sit too long thoughts creep in and it's hard to hold back the tears.


Dustin read "Night Catch" to the kiddos last night. It's about a daddy who deploys and he plays baseball with his son every day by throwing the north star back and forth. I am not sure if the kiddos got it, but it chocked both Dustin and I up. We put the kids to bed. Then we just sat there "watching tv" trying not to focus on how little time we had left. As horrible as it sounds, you just want him to leave, to get it over with...and he wants to just leave.

The time finally came. We got the kids out of bed and into the car and drove for what seemed like forever. Connor said, "Sometimes when daddy is gone for a really long time, I get a tear, just like the song. (there was a song on the radio about crying) But it’s okay because God is with us when we’re scared. God is always with us and will never leave us." So much truth from my sweet little son and I burst into tears.


In true Army style we had to hurry up and wait. We waited in the car for almost an hour while Dustin stood with the other soldiers waiting to turn in their gear for the flight. Dustin gave each of the kiddos a doll with his face on it for them to hug as he said good bye. We could hardly look at each other, and definitely couldn't kiss good bye, because I'm sick. It was so hard.

I left the parking lot with a pit in my stomach. It so hard to leave. Driving home in the dark, during a rainy storm, miserable from my cold, listening to my kiddos talk about how they were going to miss daddy...it was almost too much. I managed to keep it together until we hit the drive way and I opened Gwynn's door. She started bawling and sobbed, "I miss my daddy!!" I lost it and we cried as I carried her in. I managed to stop just long enough to put the kiddos back in bed and get up the stairs.

Saying goodbye this time was harder. I think it's because you know what is ahead...you know what to expect...and it's not fun. It's so hard to be brave for everyone. You don't want your soldier leaving, worrying about you. They have to get focused on the mission. You have to be strong for your kiddos. Finally you get to lay in bed and fall apart as you fall asleep.

The beginning is defiantly one of the hardest times. I am so thankful that God brought my parents closer (well anything is closer than Germany, right?!?), that Dustin's parents are close and that my sister and her hubby live here. I have a great church who hugged me and a few who cried with me on Sunday as we announced that Dustin was leaving this week. I know I have many people that are lifting us up in prayer. I am on the PWOC (Army bible study) board this year so that will help keep me busy. Connor starts Kindergarten in a few weeks. Gwynn will be playing soccer soon. For sure, there is enough to keep me busy, and enough people to give me support. I am sure next July will be here before we know it.

Jesus is my rock. I know that and I will cling to that...