Day 6

I opened my email this morning to this from my sister-in-law

Prayer for a Tired, Irritable Parent

Healthy children make lots of noise

They sing, they shout, they belly laugh, they fight, they bank things together, they bounce things, they cry, they scream, them make lost of noise

They play loud

God, bless my healthy children. Give me new ears, ears that hear the music of their noise

Give me new understanding, understanding that doesn't crush their spirits with my intolerance and oversensitivity

Give me a new Peace, a Peace that is grateful for the sounds created by healthy children.

Healthy children make lots of noise.

I♥it!!

Today I found myself getting angry. My mom is coming for a visit so I decided I need to clean my house. I started and it just made me angry. There is stuff EVERYWHERE from projects. Every room in the house has a left over mess of a project. The more I cleaned, the angrier I got. The wires in the garage door had wiggled loose. I fixed them. The door went down, it came up. I pulled the car in, the garage door didn’t work. I had to redo the wires. I got angry. Every time I water my kiddos windows leak. I got angry. I was on the phone for a few hours making appointments, setting stuff up for school and soccer. I got angry. I had to figure out some money stuff. I got angry. The funny thing was that I was getting angry with Dustin. I had to stop and tell myself I was being dumb. Dustin didn’t do these things to me. He didn’t purposely leave these little messes everywhere. He would rather be home. It dawned on me, that I had hit the second stage of Loss...anger.

In the previous Deployment, I was part of an amazing support group. The chaplain that led it told us that we are suffering a loss and we need to grieve it. It’s true too. Dustin is gone for a year and I need to go through the process of that loss. I really do believe that I was in denial until today. It just hadn’t really hit me yet. It has now!! I also knew it, but in the back of my head, that not hearing from Dustin in the past few days was bothering me. It’s so hard when you don’t hear from them on a daily basis. Even if it’s an email or maybe you see that he spent money…even that’s okay…but nothing is hard. My phone rang and I answered to Dustin’s voice. It’s amazing how just hearing his voice changed my whole day.

After that, I was much happier and I almost heard God say, “Stop whining!!” I was taken aback, but I get it. I say that to my kiddos all the time. “Ugh, why are you whining again? Stop whining!!” I was too. I was being a big whiny baby. I really need to get it in my head that he will take care of me. When I think its too much, I need to go to him. He will sustain me. He is my rock. Anger is not my refuge, he is. I think its funny how often being a parent parallels my relationship to my Heavenly Father. He is much more patient than I am :0)

Bible Verse of the day: The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. (Nahum 1:7)

Silver Linings:

♥Black Forrest cake from Elizabeth
♥Hearing from Dustin
♥the look on my kiddos face when they talk to daddy