Day 7-11

What an emotionally trying day! I got up and said goodbye to my parents. Shortly after that I got to chat with Dustin. He told me he was making a hop to his final destination. Unfortunately, this means that he won’t have internet or phone for who knows how long. This might be the last time we get to actually talk for awhile. There isn’t a place for him to buy anything…so I will be sending him all of his toiletries and such. This is SO different from last time…AND I have to pay for shipping!! Last time it was free because we were in Germany. We said our goodbyes so that I could get ready to go to a party. I went downstairs to my laundry room to get a clean towel. I was greeted by this horrific smell and water flooding my laundry room and seeping into my hallway. The smell was so bad when I opened the door that it made me gag. There was all this black stuff floating in the small pond I had. It was so gross.

Of course, I lost it. I am so tired, sad to see my parents go, sad that I might not get to talk to Dustin again for a while…and now this!! I made an appointment with Roto-Rooter and started to clean up the mess. The mop just wasn’t cutting it so I decided to use my shampooer to suck up the water. I had to empty the bucket 3 times. Such a mess. Thankfully, it was taken care of. Thankfully I have a wonderful neighbor who gave me a hug and sent her husband over to see if I needed help. I am so thankful for wonderful neighbors!!

The past few days have been a blast, but flew by so quickly. The kiddos were actually really good!! I am not sure if they have gotten over that adjustment period or if they were pleasantly distracted by Grandpa and Grandma. Either way, it was great!! We ate a lot of great food, talked a lot, listened to my mom play her piano (heavenly!!) and had another small celebration for Gwynn’s birthday.


Our lawn got it's first hair cut. It looks pretty good!! It did cause a frog to jump into and get stuck in Gwynn's window well. I had a heck of a time with the weed whacker and was thankful I had a man there to help me restart it after it ran out of gas and then I flooded it :0)

I did miss Dustin two times in one day though. I was devastated! We went shopping and Connor told me my phone was ringing. I didn’t hear it so ignored him…it had, and it was Dustin. It was such a garbled message and all I really understood the first time was “flying out soon.” I knew that meant a future with little to no communication. I was so upset that I missed his call. I listened to it about 10 more times and got out that he got a cell phone and I needed to call AT&T before I called him. I did and learned that it will cost me $3.52 a minute just to call him!! Yikes.

Thankfully, the flight took him to a FOB that had internet so we were able to talk one more time. There are pros and cons to having communication though. I love my husband and I love talking to him. It’s hard though because I can’t sit around and wait by the computer all day, hoping that he might get on. However, if I miss him, I feel terrible!! It’s so hard. Sometimes I wonder if it was easier when they didn’t even have the option and all they could do was write letters.

Bible Verse: And the greatest of these is Love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Silver Linings
♥family
♥neighbors
♥God's never ending love and mercy

Day 6

I opened my email this morning to this from my sister-in-law

Prayer for a Tired, Irritable Parent

Healthy children make lots of noise

They sing, they shout, they belly laugh, they fight, they bank things together, they bounce things, they cry, they scream, them make lost of noise

They play loud

God, bless my healthy children. Give me new ears, ears that hear the music of their noise

Give me new understanding, understanding that doesn't crush their spirits with my intolerance and oversensitivity

Give me a new Peace, a Peace that is grateful for the sounds created by healthy children.

Healthy children make lots of noise.

I♥it!!

Today I found myself getting angry. My mom is coming for a visit so I decided I need to clean my house. I started and it just made me angry. There is stuff EVERYWHERE from projects. Every room in the house has a left over mess of a project. The more I cleaned, the angrier I got. The wires in the garage door had wiggled loose. I fixed them. The door went down, it came up. I pulled the car in, the garage door didn’t work. I had to redo the wires. I got angry. Every time I water my kiddos windows leak. I got angry. I was on the phone for a few hours making appointments, setting stuff up for school and soccer. I got angry. I had to figure out some money stuff. I got angry. The funny thing was that I was getting angry with Dustin. I had to stop and tell myself I was being dumb. Dustin didn’t do these things to me. He didn’t purposely leave these little messes everywhere. He would rather be home. It dawned on me, that I had hit the second stage of Loss...anger.

In the previous Deployment, I was part of an amazing support group. The chaplain that led it told us that we are suffering a loss and we need to grieve it. It’s true too. Dustin is gone for a year and I need to go through the process of that loss. I really do believe that I was in denial until today. It just hadn’t really hit me yet. It has now!! I also knew it, but in the back of my head, that not hearing from Dustin in the past few days was bothering me. It’s so hard when you don’t hear from them on a daily basis. Even if it’s an email or maybe you see that he spent money…even that’s okay…but nothing is hard. My phone rang and I answered to Dustin’s voice. It’s amazing how just hearing his voice changed my whole day.

After that, I was much happier and I almost heard God say, “Stop whining!!” I was taken aback, but I get it. I say that to my kiddos all the time. “Ugh, why are you whining again? Stop whining!!” I was too. I was being a big whiny baby. I really need to get it in my head that he will take care of me. When I think its too much, I need to go to him. He will sustain me. He is my rock. Anger is not my refuge, he is. I think its funny how often being a parent parallels my relationship to my Heavenly Father. He is much more patient than I am :0)

Bible Verse of the day: The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. (Nahum 1:7)

Silver Linings:

♥Black Forrest cake from Elizabeth
♥Hearing from Dustin
♥the look on my kiddos face when they talk to daddy

Day 5

Wow, today started off really good! The kiddos were up at 5:30, they grabbed poptarts (yes, I know…super healthy!) and watched cartoons and played so nicely together that I was able to “sleep” until about 8! I got up and showered and dressed for church. With some free time I got on the computer and had an essay to proof read for a German friend. I got so involved in it that I didn’t realized I had 25 minutes to get the kiddos dressed, my hair and make done! I managed to do that, but I was so use to Dustin having the car out, driving, having offering…so I had to rush around and get the car out, find my purse and keys so I could drive and ran out the door. Of course we got stuck behind a train…BUT we made it just in time!

When I dropped Gwynn off, she didn’t want Connor to leave. She hugged him and wouldn’t let go of him. She finally fell to the floor like a rag doll and wouldn’t even say good-bye :'0( Connor hugged all over Sean and Elizabeth. I would say they are missing daddy…you think?!? Several women asked me how I was doing and they are going to hang a picture up of Dustin at the church. The first time we did this, every man in our community…well 95% of them were deployed. There wasn’t much special attention because everyone was in the same boat. It’s kind of nice for Dustin to be getting all of this specific prayer lifted up for him and our family.

I LOVED the sermon! Just such a wonderful message about not praying habitually, but praying to deepen your relationship with and to hear from God. Then the choir sang, “People Need the Lord.” Love it!! Such a great service!! Then we came home…

I was really hoping that with the way the morning started we would finally have a great day. Sean and Elizabeth came over to spend the day with us and I had high hopes that would help too. However…it turned into a “eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s out of the carton,” “squirt whip cream from the can straight into my mouth,” “OH, Dustin left beer in the fridge!!”…kind of day.

My kiddos didn’t take a nap again today. Gwynn is so tired she can’t even think straight. She had a colossal melt down over a game. I couldn’t calm her down and so she sat in my room throwing a massive fit. She flipped over the basket of folded closes and just sobbed. I was finally able to calm her down enough that she would sit with me on the couch. While I was with Gwynn, Elizabeth taught Connor some songs on the piano! I am so impressed with how quickly he has been picking it up!

My German friend, who is also my neighbor came over with another essay, chips and guacamole! We chatted and ate. Her hubby will be leaving soon too…so we plan on spending some nights sitting on our property lines with wine!

Bible Verse of the day: Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. (Psalm 54:4)

Silver Linings:
♥I got a picture in my locket
♥Great church service
♥Company of great people
♥Connor's sweet little fingers playing Twinkle Twinkle
♥Snuggles with Gwynn

Day 4

So last night, I stayed up until almost midnight! Dustin got on and then we lost connection. Like a silly school girl I sat around hoping he’d get back on. I knew that he was in lock down for a flight so it wasn’t likely…but you still hope. Gwynn was up at 5:30 again this morning. I am so tired. I am exhausted. My head is throbbing and I really don’t want to get out of bed. But, I don’t have a choice.

Today was pretty much a conglomeration of the past three days…uncontrollable crying, super silliness and major fights. I had to go to the store today. That is something I dread doing with my kiddos on a normal day…but today I really didn’t want to go. With good reason too!! Gwynn was pulling ribbons and strings off of a piñata…sorry whoever gets that one…there won’t be much guessing as to which one liberates the candy! Connor had tears streaming down his face at one point. Just chaotic! One of my friends posted today that she wondered if the chaos was going to end (She has a month old baby and a 3 year old daughter and her hubby is deployed as well.) I feel the same way!! Will the chaos ever end?!? I know it will. I am just hoping it’s sooner rather than later. My head seriously feels like it’s going to explode :0)

One of the nice things about the Army is that when they send your hubby away for a year, they try to take care of you. Today we got to go and pick up free tickets for a Sesame Street show! I think it should be really exciting and fun for the kids!!

I am really feeling overwhelmed right now. I said it last time, but I don’t think I really realize, and definitely don’t appreciate all that Dustin did when he was home. Taking over everything is hard. You add on top of that children who are loud and boisterous, who are having a hard time with daddy leaving, a cold, getting Connor ready for his first year of school, sports physicals, school physicals, 3 year old shots…you know it’s just overwhelming! The thing is, there really isn’t anyone who can help you either. It’s just a matter of adjusting yourself and learning to lean on and trust that God will carry you through this one too. Right now I am definitely seeing mostly one set of footprints in the sand.

Bible Verse of the Day: Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. (Jeremiah 17:7)

Silver Linings:
♥Free tickets to Sesame Street
♥The kids are in bed and we survived another day

WW3

Day one…crying. Day too…hyper activity. Day three…WARS!

Before 8 this morning we had World Wars 3 and 4! It probably had something to do with the fact that my two dictators were up before 6. I tried to convince them to come back to bed with me after breakfast but it went something like this. Wiggle…wiggle…wiggle…”Mom…blah, blah, blah.” Wiggle…wiggle…”blah, blah, blah”… I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up thinking it was time to get up. I did have a stroke of genius at 2:35 though on how to fix my toilet that had been giving us problems for about a month!

There were causalities in WW5 and an army man “fell” off the wall. As I was gluing him back onto day 19, I couldn’t help but think of Toy Story. I could just imagine all those guys being frustrated that they were stuck to that wall and fighting to get free…one was successful :0)


Thankfully there was a small recovery period where the kiddos took time to play the drums and sing songs together. We had a surprise video conference that I thought would really help end the wars. While it did win that battle, it didn’t end the war!!

I decided to take a break from trying to be Switzerland and go out and work in the yard. I managed to avoid WW 6 and 7…but I could still hear them. I had a few battles of my own to tackle outside. Our new hose managed to split open and form 2 tiny holes. I triaged them with duct tape! Then I had problems motivating the sprinkler to get moving! I have been using it a lot…but come on, soldier up and get the job done!!


I thought after nap time we had finally signed a peace treaty. We all got into watching Cake Boss…we’re addicted to that show now! The kiddos were even making cakes out of their legos. We were all having a great time! We enjoyed a quick PBJ MRE break for dinner. Then back to Cake Boss and a few smaller wars…not sure all the countries were involved in this one…they were losing their steam!

I lost track of what WW we made it too…but the battle for bed was easily won by Switzerland! I waved my little white flag and had some Ben and Jerry’s Cheesecake Brownie :0)

Verse of the Day: Love is patient, Love is kind…it is not easily angered. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Silver Linings:
♥my locket came
♥talked to neighbors
♥Ben and Jerry’s
♥talked to Dustin

Day 2

Last night as I went to bed, I turned on the baby monitor (yes I still use one…both of my kiddos sleep in the basement and Connor sleep walks. It helps me sleep better knowing I can hear them…) and heard Mexican music! This hasn’t happened in the almost year we’ve been here so I think God wanted me to go to bed dancing the Salsa! I got the best snuggles from my little guy this morning as he came in with his Daddy Doll and book of pictures. I don’t mind waking up at 6 to snuggles :0) Gwynn got up at 6:30 and that’s when the calm ended! My kiddos were insane today! Well at least for me. I had to go to a meeting on post this morning so my sister Elizabeth and her hubby Sean came over and watched the kiddos for me. Have I already said what a blessing it is having them here?!? They said they were really good. I am not sure what that says about me, but they were crazy hyper today. I will however take that over the constant meltdowns.

Going on post is nice…but it’s a 20-30 min drive depending on where I want to go…so when I go, I try to get a lot done. I put all the back seats down and loaded the back of the Explorer with cardboard. I didn’t realize we had SO much in our garage!! There is a nice recycling center there. Then onto my meeting…which I really enjoyed. I am on the PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel…it’s a Bible study for Army women) Board…so that will help keep me busy. It’s so nice just to be in the presence of women who radiate Christ. You can’t help but smile and feel all warm and fuzzy. Finally, when it was over I stopped and got Taco John’s! Love the Oles!! I blame the craving on the Mexican music last night!!

I was hoping for some down time during nap time…but…today was crazy hyper day!! Instead, I caught them playing their new favorite game…Bathtub Ball. In this game they sit in the tub with a bouncy ball and pretend it’s a fish. I’m not really sure how it works, but they were having a blast! I sent them back to their rooms and about 5 minutes later Connor told me that Gwynn peed on his bed. YAY! I get to use my shampooer!! It really has been too long since I’ve used it. Another 10 minutes later I got a hug from a slippery Gwynn. Both she and Connor had slathered lotion all over their faces. Gwynn just had a little bit more and got it all over her hair. At this point I decided nap time was a no go.

They just had SO much energy. Connor said, “I don’t know how to do a cart wheel…let’s go practice in the living room.” Gwynn went running after him. I walked out to them jumping off the couch and doing flips off the cushions! Then Connor said, “Let’s go make an arrow!” Again Gwynn followed him blindly! This was my day! I know they are just adjusting and emotions will go crazy…but I still have to punish them. It’s hard to find that balance of understanding what they are going through while keeping the boundaries in place. I did switch from time outs to tickle torture half way through the day though!


Connor learned chopsticks from Elizabeth today so he practiced that while Gwynn spun circles with her “dancing” Barbie. We did piggy back rides and then they watched as I watered the lawn, hoping to get a peak at the snake!! I was quite thankful that we didn’t see it again today :0)

I asked Connor to pick out what he wanted for dinner while I brought the car in the garage. I was out there for a while…I’ll get to that in a minute. I came in because I heard Gwynn screaming. As I walked in the door Connor said, “Mom, how do I start the microwave?” He had 67:89 on the timer for a corn dog!! Bless his heart! Gwynn was upset because she wanted ice cream. She screamed, “Kipper the dog doesn’t make me happy. Ice cream makes me happy!!” Random. I sat with her on the couch for a while and we read her princess book which calmed her down enough to request Snow White…so I gained leverage and told her after dinner…so she ate :0)

Before Dustin leaves, I ask him questions and directions for things that he normally does that I might have issues with. Well, I didn’t have to go long before I needed it!! Tonight I couldn’t get the garage door to close. Taking his advice, I stood in the door of the car to reach the wires that are sporadically taped to the garage door opener. I jiggled them and pushed the button…nothing…repeat…until screaming occurs :0) So I had to disconnect the door from the opener and manually close the door. I still have to figure out the door…but it makes me feel good that I could at least get it closed!

Through clever detective work I discovered both of my kiddos had gotten into the ice cream while I was outside and that’s why Gwynn was upset. Connor put it away, she wanted more. Connor was baffled that I figured it out! It’s not that hard when there is a green spoon on the counter, a pink one in Gwynn’s hand and ice cream all over Gwynn’s face :0) Gwynn must think I need to clean because she gave me plenty of opportunities. Connor’s bed and then the fridge! She spilled olive juice from the top shelf all the way to the floor!! I will admit, the fridge did need a good cleaning! Then of course there was the lotion and ice cream layers we had to scrub off her face :0) In addition, the goldfish box kept appearing in random places and had to be put away several times today.

Bible Verse of the Day: From the fullness of Christ’s grace we have all received one blessing after another John 1:16

Silver Linings:
♥overwheling support of all of my friends and family. You have no idea what it means to me.
♥call from Grandpa Russ
♥Chatting with Dustin until bed time
♥The smell of my Lily drifting in my window
♥all the rain so I didn’t have to water so much
♥Connor singing in the shower
♥PWOC
♥Taco John’s
♥Sean and Elizabeth

Day 1

This day is usually not fun. Last time we had to drop Dustin off very early in the morning and then had all day to welter in our self pity and sadness. I kind of liked waking the kiddos up, saying good bye, coming home and passing out. Then waking up with Day One as a “fresh start”…even if it was an EARLY one! Gwynn came in at 5:30 and lay in bed kicking the side of it. I asked her why and she said, “Because I am not tired!” Okay, note taken and we got up


We tied a yellow ribbon around the tree in the back yard. Hopefully its not a mug-me sign. I always wonder why people hang huge deployment banners in their front windows or put keep my soldier safe on their car…cute…but it kind of hangs a bulls eye and screams…”There’s no man around here…easy target.”


When Gwynn gets frustrated she gets this look on her face and gets a deep growly tone in her voice. We now lovingly refer to this as “Hulk Gwynn.” She was sad and so I told her to hug her daddy doll. Hulk Gwynn retorted, “I did, but I want my real daddy.” Connor stated, “See mommy, this face, this is the face I miss…see how it’s all nice. I miss his face.” They toted those dolls every where this morning…especially Connor. Both of them got haircuts to “match” daddy’s hair too.

There is always period of adjustment…at least you pray it’s a period of adjustment :0) The kids fought over color crayons, and toys and who got to sit where AND we have the triumphant return of Gwynn’s high pitched screechy-scream!! It’s like she forgot how to speak and use words. Instead she screams. I hope the words come back soon. Since all of the rules have changed, boundaries have to be reestablished in this period of adjustment. At nap time, Connor sobbed for 30 minutes. “Daddy. I want my daddy. Daddy. Daddy.” I sat with him for quite a while holding him and crying with him. I asked him what I could do to help him feel better. He answered, “Well, I really miss playing the Wii with daddy.” I am glad he smelled his own BS as he tried to turn his head into his pillow to hide his smirk. I don’t doubt that he was really grieving and missing his daddy, but he also found an opportunity to push those boundaries! You have to watch out for the sneaky little buggers!! Always looking for an opportunity :0) He did say he wanted pictures of daddy to look at. I had pictures printed out for the kiddos of them and daddy and they each got their own Daddy Book. They were pretty excited.

As you know, we just put sod down, so now my job is to keep it well watered. As I went out to move the sprinkler this afternoon, a snake slithered out of the grass, stared me in the eyes, and then slithered over the side of the retaining wall and into the dirt! I told you there would be excitement!! GROSS! That’s the first snake I have actually seen “in the wild.”

I was pretty proud of myself today. I didn’t take a nap at all! I am starting to feel better…of course after Dustin leaves. I was able to begin picking up my house after the months of neglect thanks to projects. I made pizza for dinner and we had Sean and Elizabeth over. The kids were so excited. They couldn’t calm down at all!! They had a huge bubble bath and made a huge mess on the floor. I really struggled to get them focused enough to take down our first soldier!
Last time I made a tree with leaves on it and ever night we took down a leaf. This time I taped construction paper squares to the wall and then hot glued little green army men to each of them. Every night we will say this cadence…


I don’t know but I’ve been told.
This day is coming to an end.
So take a soldier off the wall.
We’re one day closer, yes we are.
Put that soldier on the plane.
Now march those booties off to bed.
One day closer, one day!!

The soldier goes on the plane and the last one to get on is daddy! My goal is to read the Bible through in the year that Dustin is gone. So, every night I get to cross off my day by spending time in the word! Can’t get better than that!! Like last time, I will write a letter to Dustin every day with pictures of the kiddos so that he gets to “watch them grow up.” This time I will make it to the end…last time I struggled at the end once Gwynn was moving. If you have met her, you know why I struggled! She is constantly on the go!!

The kiddos went to bed quite easily and we talked for a while. Connor is a sleep walker and it wasn’t too much later that I heard him moving around down stairs. I went down and he was sleep walking over to the Wii and trying to play it! I guess he did tell me earlier that he missed playing it :0)

So my Bible verse of the day was: The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer!! (2 Samuel 22:2)



Daily Silver Linings: (I think it’s important to focus on the positives of the day!)
♥Prayer and support of so many of my dear friends all over the world!
♥Text from a random phone number that said, “This is your husband…”
♥Random email from an IPod from Dustin.
♥Dustin calling me from Maine.
♥My favorite flower, the Lily had its very first bloom this morning!
(Thanks God for saving such a special moment for a time when I
really needed the beauty on a gloomy morning!)
♥Calls from my sister Alicia & my Aunt Carol
♥The company of Sean & Elizabeth!

All in all a pretty good day!