This evening I sat out on my back porch. It was a beautiful night (after the 93 degrees we had today...anything would be better!) There was a perfect breeze. The crickets were chirping. The sprinkler was lulling me to a calm relaxation. The sun was peaking out from behind some dark clouds (one of my favorite things in the world!) It was wonderful. The only thing that would have made it better would have been Dustin sitting by my side (and if the bird poop on my arm rest would have just magically disappeared :0)
I feel like a NEW woman tonight!! I am not sure if it's the medication I am on now or finally having some answers...or what...but it's great!! I had a contrast MRI done (on Wed, day 337) and today I went to see an Gynecologist. He was old school, very chatty and touchy (not in a creepy way but a reassuring way), but very sweet. He told me that my MRI came back normal. All of my tests have been coming back normal and yet I am still swollen. He said there is no obvious cause for it and put me on anti-inflammatory medication. He also did another ultrasound and we found 6 cysts on my left ovary! I'm not sure why the other 2 didn't find any...maybe they were just more concerned with the inflammation. Anyway, he feels both of these situations will get better by themselves over time. (I am just so grateful that there isn't anything seriously wrong!!) He also said he thinks having my husband come home will do me a world of good. You know what? I think he's right!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Days 331-337
We’ve hit the 11 month mark but, soldiers are leaping off the wall again!! I found 3 on the floor. These poor last few guys have been real troopers…they’ve been hanging on for a long time! I don’t blame them at all for trying to end their mission! Sometimes I feel that way. If I weren’t glued to the wall, held up with faith, I’d have given up a long time ago and tried to end my mission early too!!
Feeling down lately, I had been desperately looking for a quote that I found last deployment; about the strength of an Army Wife. While digging through all of my old files, quotes, and blogs I stumbled upon a blog I had written with a quote from “Wedding Date.” Paraphrased it said, I believe everyone has the exact life they want. My blog went on to talk about how we choose to be happy or we choose to be sad. It really took me aback. I was right. I have been choosing to be sad. I have had a really rough past few months for two main reasons (people and health) and I let myself slip into a world of self pity and I wasn’t really living my life.
Having issues with some in my life…as you probably noted from previous blogs…I was trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me. Was he trying to teach me to set firm boundaries and distance myself from those who are worldly and set out to hurt others? Perhaps he was trying to teach me to be more forgiving, my accepting, and to have more patience. I had decided that the former was true. After all it was the easier option. It’s much easier to cut people off instead of loving them through a difficult situation. Surely God doesn’t want me to subject myself to those who would purposely and heartlessly hurt me. I really started to wrestle with it. After all, WWJD…right?? And what did he do…he died on the cross so that all may know his love. All those who hated him, all those who spread rumors and lies about him, all of those who wanted to kill him…he DIED for them.
Am I willing to die for those who mistreat me…no…but then again, I am not Jesus. I am working on being Christ-like…but I am nowhere near that selfless. When I am struggling with something, I like to Google the subject matter. In doing so, I was drawn to a few passages…
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Colossians 3:12-15
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Romans 12:19-21
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, "says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
So, I have spent a lot of time praying this week that I would be able to forgive those who hurt me so badly. That I would be able to show them compassion and treat them as Jesus would have. And I am praying that I will have the peace that only Jesus can give me.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I also found some nonBiblical quotes that I thought were fitting…
♥"If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it." Anon.
♥“Anybody who criticizes you is a wimp. So be you. And be you loud, and be you strong, and be you to the maximum.” John Mayer
My health has been a downer too…literally. As I have shared before, I don’t have a lot of energy and I just don’t feel well. It has been all too easy lately to lay around all day. I really had to take a look at myself though and realize that I could be up and out. I don’t feel well and in the back of my head, not knowing what is going on is really getting me down (working on it though…had a contrast MRI last night.) However, that doesn’t mean that I get to sit here and waste my days.
♥Lamentations 3:19-23
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Every morning I get up, I have the wonderful promise that God’s compassion never fails me. He knows what I am going through. He knows this is a rough time in my life…but if I open my eyes and look around, I will see his compassions for me (like the gift of a sweet friend who sends me uplifting mail.) I will feel his love. The worst thing I can possibly do is sit here and waste that gift. He loves me. He has given me SO many blessings. I need to remember to focus on the blessings and not the pain in my life. I truly believe that if I allow him to, God will use all of my struggles to make me a better person. I can sit here and be hurt and angry, sad and self-pitting…or I can get up and trust that he will give me the strength to get through everything that I have to face. I can grow and become a better person. Isn’t that what being a Christian is all about…trying to become like him? I can’t possibly imagine Jesus sitting around being blue. So, I am choosing not to either. I am going to get up every morning and try to make the best of every day.
♥The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown
♥When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. ~Author Unknown
♥Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey
♥I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. ~Jewish Proverb
♥When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
♥The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheney
♥God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. ~John Aughey
♥Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections…unknown
I know that I will have to remind myself of this many more times. It’s too easy to become self centered instead of being Christ centered. So, having reached this decision to live my life to look at the growth instead of the pain, I put my first foot forward on that path. As my friend wrote to me, “If we look up to the Sonshine, we will not see the shadows.” So hang in their little soldiers, we can do this!! We are almost there!!!!!
Feeling down lately, I had been desperately looking for a quote that I found last deployment; about the strength of an Army Wife. While digging through all of my old files, quotes, and blogs I stumbled upon a blog I had written with a quote from “Wedding Date.” Paraphrased it said, I believe everyone has the exact life they want. My blog went on to talk about how we choose to be happy or we choose to be sad. It really took me aback. I was right. I have been choosing to be sad. I have had a really rough past few months for two main reasons (people and health) and I let myself slip into a world of self pity and I wasn’t really living my life.
Having issues with some in my life…as you probably noted from previous blogs…I was trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me. Was he trying to teach me to set firm boundaries and distance myself from those who are worldly and set out to hurt others? Perhaps he was trying to teach me to be more forgiving, my accepting, and to have more patience. I had decided that the former was true. After all it was the easier option. It’s much easier to cut people off instead of loving them through a difficult situation. Surely God doesn’t want me to subject myself to those who would purposely and heartlessly hurt me. I really started to wrestle with it. After all, WWJD…right?? And what did he do…he died on the cross so that all may know his love. All those who hated him, all those who spread rumors and lies about him, all of those who wanted to kill him…he DIED for them.
Am I willing to die for those who mistreat me…no…but then again, I am not Jesus. I am working on being Christ-like…but I am nowhere near that selfless. When I am struggling with something, I like to Google the subject matter. In doing so, I was drawn to a few passages…
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Colossians 3:12-15
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Romans 12:19-21
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, "says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
So, I have spent a lot of time praying this week that I would be able to forgive those who hurt me so badly. That I would be able to show them compassion and treat them as Jesus would have. And I am praying that I will have the peace that only Jesus can give me.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I also found some nonBiblical quotes that I thought were fitting…
♥"If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it." Anon.
♥“Anybody who criticizes you is a wimp. So be you. And be you loud, and be you strong, and be you to the maximum.” John Mayer
My health has been a downer too…literally. As I have shared before, I don’t have a lot of energy and I just don’t feel well. It has been all too easy lately to lay around all day. I really had to take a look at myself though and realize that I could be up and out. I don’t feel well and in the back of my head, not knowing what is going on is really getting me down (working on it though…had a contrast MRI last night.) However, that doesn’t mean that I get to sit here and waste my days.
♥Lamentations 3:19-23
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Every morning I get up, I have the wonderful promise that God’s compassion never fails me. He knows what I am going through. He knows this is a rough time in my life…but if I open my eyes and look around, I will see his compassions for me (like the gift of a sweet friend who sends me uplifting mail.) I will feel his love. The worst thing I can possibly do is sit here and waste that gift. He loves me. He has given me SO many blessings. I need to remember to focus on the blessings and not the pain in my life. I truly believe that if I allow him to, God will use all of my struggles to make me a better person. I can sit here and be hurt and angry, sad and self-pitting…or I can get up and trust that he will give me the strength to get through everything that I have to face. I can grow and become a better person. Isn’t that what being a Christian is all about…trying to become like him? I can’t possibly imagine Jesus sitting around being blue. So, I am choosing not to either. I am going to get up every morning and try to make the best of every day.
♥The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown
♥When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. ~Author Unknown
♥Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey
♥I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. ~Jewish Proverb
♥When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
♥The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheney
♥God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. ~John Aughey
♥Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections…unknown
I know that I will have to remind myself of this many more times. It’s too easy to become self centered instead of being Christ centered. So, having reached this decision to live my life to look at the growth instead of the pain, I put my first foot forward on that path. As my friend wrote to me, “If we look up to the Sonshine, we will not see the shadows.” So hang in their little soldiers, we can do this!! We are almost there!!!!!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Days 322-330
This past week has been rough. I was so sick I threw up and then had to turn around and take my kiddos to the dentist and then to t-ball practice. I did finish up my antibiotics though and with that, seemed to be a marked improvement on my nausea…which is great…NO one likes to barf. On Wednesday night, after I came home from t-ball practice, I learned that my friend’s husband had been in a terrible motorcycle accident. He was in extremely critical condition. I began to pray and then learned moments later that he has passed away. I don’t really know why this hit me so hard. I had actually never him. His wife, Sandi however is very dear to me. She’s been my teacher here at PWOC for a few semesters and I’ve just really looked up to her as what a Christian woman should be. She spoke endlessly of her husband and family. You could just tell he was an amazing man. I wept and prayed all night. Not because he was gone, but because I can only imagine the pain that my friend was going through. With Dustin deployed, it’s always in the back of my mind that he might not come home. For this to come out of the blue, he was on his way home for an early dinner… So tragic.
With the house to ourselves now, we had to do our adjusting to our “normal” lives. The kids were staying up late, waking up normally and CRABBY! :0) My sister and I got to talk for a while which was nice. With everything going on lately, we really haven’t had a chance to just talk. Gwynn had her first game and we prepared dinner to take to my friend and her family. She asked me if I would set up a table with pictures and some of her husband’s stuff. I gladly accepted. I was happy to be able to help her. That was really hard though. Holding his things. Cleaning off dust from the pictures and plaques that are dear to their family. It was all I could to do choke back tears the next day as I set up the table. I will say, I never expected a funeral to be as difficult as it was. It was a beautiful service though.
That night, I took my kiddos to the circus. I am not sure if it was because of my state of mind, or if it really did just suck…but I was disappointed in the circus!! SOoooo many clowns so few other cool things. My kiddos had fun though. It’s really odd, Gwynn won’t leave my side lately. I had to have my hand on her the whole time we were there. If I leave a room and she doesn’t know where I am, she freaks out. Poor girl.
I got to go have my second ultrasound. The tech is so funny. On the way back to the room she said, “You know Sarah, there is no toaster here.” It took me a minute, but I finally got she was saying there was no prize to win, I could stop coming back. My dr. apt the next morning revealed that everything looks normal but my cervix is still swollen. The antibiotics didn't clear it up, there is nothing to fight off, I am still in pain and the ultrasounds aren't showing anything wrong... so now I have a contrast MRI scheduled and then a referral to OBGYN. Hopefully someone can fix me before my hubby comes home…it won’t be a very good welcome home if we can’t do anything!! :0)
I was having a really hard time yesterday. There was a commo black out and I couldn’t talk to Dustin. With the sudden passing of my friends husband, news of a soldier losing both of his legs on his last mission before he came home, I’ve been on edge. We’re so close, but so far and anything can happen. None of us are promised tomorrow. Knowing what a commo black out means, it made it even more difficult. I kind of shut down yesterday and spent the morning and afternoon sleeping.
This morning I was making breakfast, turned wrong and twisted my knee. My poor knee. I really need to go get injections again, but with all of my other appointments lately, I am going to put it off as long as possible. Between my kiddos and my appointments, I might as well live up there at the hospital!
It was so nice to get to talk to my hubby today (even if I had to get up before 6 am to do it.) I can’t wait to have him home and in my arms, well or not. At this point, it just doesn’t matter. I want him home! The good news is we’re under a month now!
With the house to ourselves now, we had to do our adjusting to our “normal” lives. The kids were staying up late, waking up normally and CRABBY! :0) My sister and I got to talk for a while which was nice. With everything going on lately, we really haven’t had a chance to just talk. Gwynn had her first game and we prepared dinner to take to my friend and her family. She asked me if I would set up a table with pictures and some of her husband’s stuff. I gladly accepted. I was happy to be able to help her. That was really hard though. Holding his things. Cleaning off dust from the pictures and plaques that are dear to their family. It was all I could to do choke back tears the next day as I set up the table. I will say, I never expected a funeral to be as difficult as it was. It was a beautiful service though.
That night, I took my kiddos to the circus. I am not sure if it was because of my state of mind, or if it really did just suck…but I was disappointed in the circus!! SOoooo many clowns so few other cool things. My kiddos had fun though. It’s really odd, Gwynn won’t leave my side lately. I had to have my hand on her the whole time we were there. If I leave a room and she doesn’t know where I am, she freaks out. Poor girl.
I got to go have my second ultrasound. The tech is so funny. On the way back to the room she said, “You know Sarah, there is no toaster here.” It took me a minute, but I finally got she was saying there was no prize to win, I could stop coming back. My dr. apt the next morning revealed that everything looks normal but my cervix is still swollen. The antibiotics didn't clear it up, there is nothing to fight off, I am still in pain and the ultrasounds aren't showing anything wrong... so now I have a contrast MRI scheduled and then a referral to OBGYN. Hopefully someone can fix me before my hubby comes home…it won’t be a very good welcome home if we can’t do anything!! :0)
I was having a really hard time yesterday. There was a commo black out and I couldn’t talk to Dustin. With the sudden passing of my friends husband, news of a soldier losing both of his legs on his last mission before he came home, I’ve been on edge. We’re so close, but so far and anything can happen. None of us are promised tomorrow. Knowing what a commo black out means, it made it even more difficult. I kind of shut down yesterday and spent the morning and afternoon sleeping.
This morning I was making breakfast, turned wrong and twisted my knee. My poor knee. I really need to go get injections again, but with all of my other appointments lately, I am going to put it off as long as possible. Between my kiddos and my appointments, I might as well live up there at the hospital!
It was so nice to get to talk to my hubby today (even if I had to get up before 6 am to do it.) I can’t wait to have him home and in my arms, well or not. At this point, it just doesn’t matter. I want him home! The good news is we’re under a month now!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Days 318-321
Well now that my pity party is over… We are all human. We all have those days, right?? Boy do I feel like a big baby though. Thursday, I was stressed out, in pain and tired. You should all be thankful I didn’t blog on Saturday!! I was so hurt that I was ready to dig in, guns a blazin’ and leave no man left to tell about it. But that brings up a great question. Something I have been struggling with for a long time. We’ve all been told, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” What if something not nice, NEEDS to be said? Then what? My human side wants to scream it out. My trying-to-be-Christ-like side bites my tongue…and sometimes it draws blood!! But is that right? Is that what Jesus would do? Walk away, without saying anything or speak the truth in love?
I was done and I was going to speak my peace. I was going to explain just how I was hurt and not hold anything back. However, my pastor spoke about showing others Christ, in us, through our actions. Man did I feel convicted about even thinking of letting Mamma Bear growl. Then my sister-in-love sent out an email with our questions for our next study… “Do our lives reflect Christ?” (after going back and reading that…It actually said “reflect trust in Christ”…but I think God was still speaking to me through her words and my inability to read correctly!) Then I watched a video my sister shared that spoke about Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Okay God, I get it. Your thoughts are so much higher than my sinful thoughts. I need to show you and your love and grace to others through my actions. I need to try, as feebly as it might be, to reflect you and your ways. You have given me so much grace and mercy…and I know I have not always been as grateful of the amazing gift you gave me as I should be. But you don’t yell at me, cutting me to my quick because I don’t act as grateful as I should. I need to extend the same grace and mercy you gave me and show you through my actions.
I was reminded of the song, “You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.” Also, “Refiner’s fire, my hearts one desire, is to be holy, set apart for you my master, ready to do your will.” I realized how selfish and un-Christ-like I was being. If that really, truly is my desire, it’s not an easy path…it’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt sometimes. I remember the saying that goes something like…It’s not about what life hands you, its how you handle it. I really think that’s true. We are all given lumps and bumps on the road…but how do we handle it? Do we throw a pity party like I did the other day, or do we put on our big girl panties and try to grow from it?
Well it turns out I did both. After I threw a fit, I put on my big girl panties and learned from this. I need to put my family and our needs first. I really need to learn to set firm boundaries. I need to learn to help those that are truly in need and let others learn to deal with their own choices and the consequences of them. I need to learn to say no…when I know that is what needs to be said. Instead of getting mad at people for their ignorance, I need to educate them. I need to make clear what I need from the people in my life.
I can’t be mad at people for doing things they don’t know bother me…so with a fresh start for everyone (myself included), here is a little education on my and what I need from the people that come into our home and into our lives. When you, as a “civilian” come into our lives, you need to realize that you are not walking into a “normal” family life. We are different. We are special. I don’t care who you have talked to, who you know or if you watch Army Wives or Coming Home; unless you are presently an Army family, you cannot understand the stress and things that we go through daily and the special needs and considerations this requires. We go through enough in our daily lives that we do not need judgment of any kind. I need you to respect my schedule and rules. I do not need you to tell my children what to do. I do not need your advice on parenting. I am a fantastic mother. It may not look like it to you, things might look very chaotic (trust me they are) but I have it under control. You may have parenting under your belt, but you’ve never parented an “Army Brat.” I realize you don’t really know what it’s like to be an Army wife. I know you don’t really know what it’s like to be an “Arm Brat” or what challenges we have raising them. I don’t honestly expect you to. There is no way that you possibly could.
However, if you walk into our lives, I do expect you to not be judgmental of something you don’t understand, but instead be supportive and have fun with my kids!! Take their minds off of the fact that their daddy is gone, has been gone for a long time and might not come back (yes they understand that at 3 and 6.) I do expect you to respect what we go through and understand we are going to have bad days…frequently, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad kids or that I am not parenting them correctly; it simply means we’re going through a lot. If you can’t even try to understand or respect our lives, you don’t deserve to be a part of them. I might let you walk into our lives, disrespect our house and lives while you are in it, say nothing about it in trying to be a good Christian, but don’t expect us to roll over and take it again. Don’t expect to be welcomed back into our lives with open arms. I will still love you, but probably from afar. I am not being mean or cold; I am being a good mother. My job is to protect my children. I can’t spare them a lot of pain or sadness that they will surely endeavor as “Army Brats,” but you better bet your bottom dollar that I will do whatever it takes to spare them whatever pain I can. My children are strong. My children are AMAZING. I thank God every day for giving them to me. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
Today is a new day. I am putting my family first. I don’t think that is un-Christ-like at all…and if it is, I am sure that He will lay it on my heart. After all, I am the clay and he is the potter. I am excited to have my house to myself today. I got to lay in bed and chat with my hubby while both of my kiddos slept in until 7. That’s a great way to start off my new day!
Having the day to myself was nice...this evening however...in the quiet...it hit me. Reality. Everything that I have been keeping at the back of my mind all month struck and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Part of it is really realizing that my husband is gone again and this shoots up flares for tomorrow. My kiddos will probably be moody now that the house is quiet and they are fully realizing and dealing with it too. Most of it though is my health. When I found out that it wasn’t ovarian cysts but rather Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and possibly Cervical Cancer, I was on my way to pick up my in-loves. Then they left, my brother came over, my parents showed up and just this evening I was left alone with my thoughts. I think if I had my husband to cry with and to hold me, I’d be okay. The thing is though, I am so miserable, I’m not sure I’d even want to be held. I have a day and a half left of my meds and I am no better than I was when this all started. I am still in a lot of pain…the pain is encompassing more of my pelvis…and I am still really nauseous. You would think that all of my tests coming back normal would be a relief…and it was…but if 3 antibiotics haven’t done the trick, and there is nothing to treat because I don’t have any infections or STIs (duh) causing the inflammation…I just don’t know what they are going to be able to do from me.
This is hard to do alone. Dustin is having a really hard time with it too because he’s so far away, and there really isn’t anything he can do for me. So, if you’re reading this and you pray, please keep us in your prayers. Please pray that when I go for my ultrasound next week that the cause will be obvious. I know that in Christ we are not alone. I can do all things through him. It’s just nice to know you have others in your corner too :0)
I was done and I was going to speak my peace. I was going to explain just how I was hurt and not hold anything back. However, my pastor spoke about showing others Christ, in us, through our actions. Man did I feel convicted about even thinking of letting Mamma Bear growl. Then my sister-in-love sent out an email with our questions for our next study… “Do our lives reflect Christ?” (after going back and reading that…It actually said “reflect trust in Christ”…but I think God was still speaking to me through her words and my inability to read correctly!) Then I watched a video my sister shared that spoke about Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Okay God, I get it. Your thoughts are so much higher than my sinful thoughts. I need to show you and your love and grace to others through my actions. I need to try, as feebly as it might be, to reflect you and your ways. You have given me so much grace and mercy…and I know I have not always been as grateful of the amazing gift you gave me as I should be. But you don’t yell at me, cutting me to my quick because I don’t act as grateful as I should. I need to extend the same grace and mercy you gave me and show you through my actions.
I was reminded of the song, “You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.” Also, “Refiner’s fire, my hearts one desire, is to be holy, set apart for you my master, ready to do your will.” I realized how selfish and un-Christ-like I was being. If that really, truly is my desire, it’s not an easy path…it’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt sometimes. I remember the saying that goes something like…It’s not about what life hands you, its how you handle it. I really think that’s true. We are all given lumps and bumps on the road…but how do we handle it? Do we throw a pity party like I did the other day, or do we put on our big girl panties and try to grow from it?
Well it turns out I did both. After I threw a fit, I put on my big girl panties and learned from this. I need to put my family and our needs first. I really need to learn to set firm boundaries. I need to learn to help those that are truly in need and let others learn to deal with their own choices and the consequences of them. I need to learn to say no…when I know that is what needs to be said. Instead of getting mad at people for their ignorance, I need to educate them. I need to make clear what I need from the people in my life.
I can’t be mad at people for doing things they don’t know bother me…so with a fresh start for everyone (myself included), here is a little education on my and what I need from the people that come into our home and into our lives. When you, as a “civilian” come into our lives, you need to realize that you are not walking into a “normal” family life. We are different. We are special. I don’t care who you have talked to, who you know or if you watch Army Wives or Coming Home; unless you are presently an Army family, you cannot understand the stress and things that we go through daily and the special needs and considerations this requires. We go through enough in our daily lives that we do not need judgment of any kind. I need you to respect my schedule and rules. I do not need you to tell my children what to do. I do not need your advice on parenting. I am a fantastic mother. It may not look like it to you, things might look very chaotic (trust me they are) but I have it under control. You may have parenting under your belt, but you’ve never parented an “Army Brat.” I realize you don’t really know what it’s like to be an Army wife. I know you don’t really know what it’s like to be an “Arm Brat” or what challenges we have raising them. I don’t honestly expect you to. There is no way that you possibly could.
However, if you walk into our lives, I do expect you to not be judgmental of something you don’t understand, but instead be supportive and have fun with my kids!! Take their minds off of the fact that their daddy is gone, has been gone for a long time and might not come back (yes they understand that at 3 and 6.) I do expect you to respect what we go through and understand we are going to have bad days…frequently, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad kids or that I am not parenting them correctly; it simply means we’re going through a lot. If you can’t even try to understand or respect our lives, you don’t deserve to be a part of them. I might let you walk into our lives, disrespect our house and lives while you are in it, say nothing about it in trying to be a good Christian, but don’t expect us to roll over and take it again. Don’t expect to be welcomed back into our lives with open arms. I will still love you, but probably from afar. I am not being mean or cold; I am being a good mother. My job is to protect my children. I can’t spare them a lot of pain or sadness that they will surely endeavor as “Army Brats,” but you better bet your bottom dollar that I will do whatever it takes to spare them whatever pain I can. My children are strong. My children are AMAZING. I thank God every day for giving them to me. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
Today is a new day. I am putting my family first. I don’t think that is un-Christ-like at all…and if it is, I am sure that He will lay it on my heart. After all, I am the clay and he is the potter. I am excited to have my house to myself today. I got to lay in bed and chat with my hubby while both of my kiddos slept in until 7. That’s a great way to start off my new day!
Having the day to myself was nice...this evening however...in the quiet...it hit me. Reality. Everything that I have been keeping at the back of my mind all month struck and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Part of it is really realizing that my husband is gone again and this shoots up flares for tomorrow. My kiddos will probably be moody now that the house is quiet and they are fully realizing and dealing with it too. Most of it though is my health. When I found out that it wasn’t ovarian cysts but rather Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and possibly Cervical Cancer, I was on my way to pick up my in-loves. Then they left, my brother came over, my parents showed up and just this evening I was left alone with my thoughts. I think if I had my husband to cry with and to hold me, I’d be okay. The thing is though, I am so miserable, I’m not sure I’d even want to be held. I have a day and a half left of my meds and I am no better than I was when this all started. I am still in a lot of pain…the pain is encompassing more of my pelvis…and I am still really nauseous. You would think that all of my tests coming back normal would be a relief…and it was…but if 3 antibiotics haven’t done the trick, and there is nothing to treat because I don’t have any infections or STIs (duh) causing the inflammation…I just don’t know what they are going to be able to do from me.
This is hard to do alone. Dustin is having a really hard time with it too because he’s so far away, and there really isn’t anything he can do for me. So, if you’re reading this and you pray, please keep us in your prayers. Please pray that when I go for my ultrasound next week that the cause will be obvious. I know that in Christ we are not alone. I can do all things through him. It’s just nice to know you have others in your corner too :0)
Friday, June 3, 2011
Day 317
Man, I am on a Blogging roll!! I’ve been in a bad place lately. This deployment is getting really long. All year I have done everything anyone asked me to do. I haven’t said no to anything. I’ve been really giving. If you’ve read my blogs, you know that already. The thing is, I really don't mind it. I love helping people, but I need some time to myself too!! This whole year, there was ONE week that was going to be mine. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t have anything I had to do. I wasn’t going to have anyone in my house. The rest of the year, any time we had off of school, I either went somewhere or someone was here, OR I had other obligations. This week, was the week that I was looking forward to. The one week we had nothing!! Then, I took in my brother, his wife and son…this week.
I have been really grouchy. I’ve been angry. My car hasn’t started 3 times this week. I have to keep my kids quiet so they don’t wake anyone up. My son is so excited to have a man in the house, but that man doesn’t like to be constantly engaged with an excited 6 year old boy (not that I can blame him.) I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks before Dustin gets home. I have to have my house ready to sell. Well the inside. We have stuff to do to the outside as soon as Dustin comes home. I am sick. I've been sick for 32 days and still have 11 more until I go see the dr. again. I am still in pain. I still get so nauseous that I have to stop everything and take a nap (which is challenging when you have to keep your kids in check because there is a baby in the house and you don't want your company to feel like they have to take care of your kids.) It’s getting hot; we don’t have AC and hot makes me grumpy. I am tired. I am ready to be well. I am ready to have my husband home.
This last month has been crazy!! Dustin left, my brother came, my in-laws came and left, my parents came and left, my brother moved in… Every time my kids have to say good-bye to someone it’s hard. They have a crazy emotional day, they are cranky and it’s just no fun! Even when my brother left for the day, the kids were cranky and grumpy…it was a long miserable day. Although I have loved having every one of those visitors here, I am ready to have my house back! Although most people might not realize it, I am an introvert. Constantly being out and about or around people really drains me. I am tired. The two places I use to get recharged (PWOC and church) have been draining me more than most places! I was so busy this year with PWOC that I didn’t really get a chance to enjoy it. Church has been a major disappointment because I don’t like our pastor as a pastor, I don’t like the music they have started singing and our church does so much and they keep asking me to pitch in.
I have decided that the rest of the deployment has to be about my family and what is best for us. I am not going to say yes to anyone. I have been doing that for 46 weeks…I think I can be selfish for 5!! It’s going to be hard though. Sometimes, doing what is best for yourself, putting yourself and not others first is hard. But, I am falling apart. I need to do it. I HAVE to do it.
Verse of the Day: "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2
Silver Lining
♥ When I pull up my calendar on my computer screen, I can see the day that Dustin will be home!
I have been really grouchy. I’ve been angry. My car hasn’t started 3 times this week. I have to keep my kids quiet so they don’t wake anyone up. My son is so excited to have a man in the house, but that man doesn’t like to be constantly engaged with an excited 6 year old boy (not that I can blame him.) I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks before Dustin gets home. I have to have my house ready to sell. Well the inside. We have stuff to do to the outside as soon as Dustin comes home. I am sick. I've been sick for 32 days and still have 11 more until I go see the dr. again. I am still in pain. I still get so nauseous that I have to stop everything and take a nap (which is challenging when you have to keep your kids in check because there is a baby in the house and you don't want your company to feel like they have to take care of your kids.) It’s getting hot; we don’t have AC and hot makes me grumpy. I am tired. I am ready to be well. I am ready to have my husband home.
This last month has been crazy!! Dustin left, my brother came, my in-laws came and left, my parents came and left, my brother moved in… Every time my kids have to say good-bye to someone it’s hard. They have a crazy emotional day, they are cranky and it’s just no fun! Even when my brother left for the day, the kids were cranky and grumpy…it was a long miserable day. Although I have loved having every one of those visitors here, I am ready to have my house back! Although most people might not realize it, I am an introvert. Constantly being out and about or around people really drains me. I am tired. The two places I use to get recharged (PWOC and church) have been draining me more than most places! I was so busy this year with PWOC that I didn’t really get a chance to enjoy it. Church has been a major disappointment because I don’t like our pastor as a pastor, I don’t like the music they have started singing and our church does so much and they keep asking me to pitch in.
I have decided that the rest of the deployment has to be about my family and what is best for us. I am not going to say yes to anyone. I have been doing that for 46 weeks…I think I can be selfish for 5!! It’s going to be hard though. Sometimes, doing what is best for yourself, putting yourself and not others first is hard. But, I am falling apart. I need to do it. I HAVE to do it.
Verse of the Day: "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2
Silver Lining
♥ When I pull up my calendar on my computer screen, I can see the day that Dustin will be home!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Days 314-316
I forgot to mention in my last uber-long blog about the "Rule of Chaos." As soon as your husband leaves, you are doomed to a plethora of unforeseen chaos. The day Dustin headed back, my car started making crazy loud banging sounds, the next day I got a horrible virus on my computer that just shut it down and took my brother 3 hours to get it off (and that's what he does for a living!) and then my water heater and furnace went out! So, the "Rule of Chaos!" Last Saturday, I got my kiddos in the car for Connor's last soccer game and it wouldn't start. My brother jumped me and off we went. Yesterday I decided to take my kiddos out to lunch and my car wouldn't start again! Well this time we were actually home alone. So, I went down to get the truck. After helping Gwynn into the back little seat, which she was SO excited to ride in, and getting Connor in, the truck wouldn't start! Thankfully, my parents had left their car here for the summer, so we took that. Now my parents drive a Lincoln...other than their cat, it's pretty much their baby! Well, I spilled pop on the floor of that!! Chaos!!
I parked their car, threw the trickle charger on my car and claimed my stay-at-home-day! I do have to say, it's pretty nice having my brother here, who can help me out! He jumped the truck, fixed my leaky shower, and put insulated boards in my skylights so that the hot air knows it's not welcome to come in there! :0) We've enjoyed playing in the sprinkler the last few nights...that is until it got too slippery and Gwynn did the splits!
I got a call from my Dr's nurse today. She said all of my test results came back normal. Which is GREAT news...BUT she is concerned because now we don't know what is causing my pain, nausea, and inflammation. I have another ultrasound and a follow up scheduled...so now we just wait and pray the Chaos will soon come to an end.
Verse of the Day: "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
I parked their car, threw the trickle charger on my car and claimed my stay-at-home-day! I do have to say, it's pretty nice having my brother here, who can help me out! He jumped the truck, fixed my leaky shower, and put insulated boards in my skylights so that the hot air knows it's not welcome to come in there! :0) We've enjoyed playing in the sprinkler the last few nights...that is until it got too slippery and Gwynn did the splits!
I got a call from my Dr's nurse today. She said all of my test results came back normal. Which is GREAT news...BUT she is concerned because now we don't know what is causing my pain, nausea, and inflammation. I have another ultrasound and a follow up scheduled...so now we just wait and pray the Chaos will soon come to an end.
Verse of the Day: "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
Monday, May 30, 2011
Days 285-313
A lot has happened in the last month, but what else is new? It was so nice to have Dustin home :0) A dream come true. We had all these plans of stuff to work on and didn’t do any of them! We decided to just enjoy the time we had together. We slept in. We watched movies. We played games. We went to soccer games. We laid in front of the fire place. We BBQed. It was really nice. 
We got to watch Connor’s acting debut as Old Mac Donald together. He was SO cute! Connor was sad when he had to go to school. Gwynn would say, “Yuck!” every time we kissed :0)
Dustin surprised me with a night away for my 30th (gasp!!) Birthday. We started off the day with soccer games. Then we went and spent a small fortune at the movie theater. We haven’t done that in years, literally. Then we drove to our get-away. I knew exactly where we were going when I saw where he was driving. Dustin
surprised me with a suite at the Broadmoor. The Broadmoor is a 5 star hotel and let me tell you what…I felt like one of the Beverly Hill Billies! I was so embarrassed when the valet opened the back of our car to get our luggage and Connor’s bat fell out the back!! I am not one of those ladies that likes to be waited on. I felt uncomfortable as the men in suits opened doors for me, carried my duct taped luggage and walked us to our room. I was one of THOSE guests that took pictures of everything! My favorite was the buttons that opened and closed the curtains!
Dustin took me out to dinner at one of their restaurants. It was quite a different experience from Texas Roadhouse (where the kiddos chose to take me out the night before for Mother’s Day and my Birthday...and Gwynn asked me "Why don't you care for me mother?") for sure. Instead of being clapped at and having to listen to an
annoying song, they brought out a piece of flourless chocolate cake that had a pencil shaped piece of rolled chocolate with gold flecks in it and a scoop of vanilla ice-cream (not complementary) with a small lit candle in it…no singing, just pure yum!
When we went back to our room, everything was turned down, robes were laid across the corners of the bed, the curtains were drawn, and a smooth jazz was playing on the radio. The only thing missing was the drawn bath. We enjoyed a quiet evening together. I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud in the king sized bed with a down pillow top and down pillows. The only thing better than sharing my cloud with my hubby, was getting up the next morning and going to pick up our kiddos to celebrate Mother’s Day. I am a blessed woman!
Of course the rest of our time with Dustin went by way too quickly. Connor begged to stay home from school on his last full day with us. We decided to send him though. I knew when the phone rang at 1 who it was…our “sick” son wanting to come home. I didn’t have the heart to make him stay, so daddy went and picked him up. They got matching haircuts and we enjoyed our last afternoon and evening together.
Saying goodbye again is hard. Adjusting again is hard. It was amazing the difference in Gwynn when daddy was home. She was a happy, snuggly little girl. It’s so nice to know that your kids love their daddy as much as you do. Days after he left, my brother Abraham, his wife Megan and their son Alex arrived here. They are in the process of moving up. They stayed with Elizabeth. Days later, my in-loves arrived for a week. They were here for all 10 seconds of Gwynn’s last soccer game (it got rained out), Connor’s soccer game and his Kindergarten graduation. What an experience that was! As I watched Connor walk up the isle to his seat, I started to cry. It’s been a long year. Dustin wasn’t here when he started school. He wasn’t there to watch him graduate. We’ve been through a lot this year, and it’s finally coming to an end! The day after the grands left, Abe and family moved over to my house. Then my parents came down and got to watch Connor’s last soccer game. They are leaving tomorrow. I am not sure how long my brother and gang will be here. It’s been a busy and crazy month!!
The one thing that has complicated this all, is what happened a week after Dustin got home. I got sick. I was in a lot of pain and Dustin and I couldn’t enjoy each other so I decided to go to the dr. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts. I had them when I was in college, but not this badly. He gave me Tylenol 3 and ordered an ultrasound. I was so sick though, nauseous and in so much pain. I actually went back to the dr and he told me I was going to be fine and to just wait for my ultrasound. I apologized to Dustin over and over. What timing! We have 2 weeks together, and this happens! He was so sweet and understanding. He told me that just being with me was enough for him. He had to leave, not knowing what was going on. That was really hard.
I finally got my ultrasoud on Friday, May 20th. The tech said she couldn’t give me any official results, but, “I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it over the weekend,” she said with a smile. It had already been 2 weeks, what was a few more days? Monday came and went and I didn’t hear anything. Tuesday I got a call from my dr. I couldn’t make it to the phone, but he left a message. My ultra sound showed abnormalities in my cervix (potentially Cervical Cancer) and it also showed that I mostly likely had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease…I needed to get in for a pap ASAP! It’s no wonder the tech didn’t see anything, there weren’t cysts to see!
The news was a crushing blow. Here I thought I had cysts and it turns out to be much worse. I called and got an appointment for the next day. I have to tell you, I have never felt so dirty in my whole life. I got tested for a few different STIs (because they are the common cause of PID and Cervical Cancer). I have only ever been with Dustin. Dustin has only ever been with me. In fact, we were virgins when we got married. (I told you there might be TMI in this blog!!) After having done everything right, it just felt so wrong to be tested for STIs. The dr did tell me that everything looked pretty good, so she wasn’t sure what was going on. She gave me a prescription for 2 antibiotics and a shot of antibiotics before I left. Based on how I am feeling, I am not at all surprised that it is taking 3 antibiotics to take down this infection! I have another appointment on the 14th of June to get my results. Until then, I am just riding it out with my Tylenol 3, prayer and lots of love and support.
I really never expected to find myself in this situation. Not at 30 anyway. I’ve been doing a lot of Googling and have learned that if the abnormalities in my cervix are in fact Cervical Cancer, that it is a very slow growing cancer and if caught early, 100% curable. I just had my annual exam in Sept and was told that I could now go to having it every 2 years! Just imagine if I hadn’t gotten sick with PID, I would have gone another 1.5 years without a pap and who knows what mess I could have been in by then! It took me a few days to get over the shock of the news. However, everything happens for a reason. I know that no matter what happens; I will be okay. There is nothing too big for my God and there is nothing I can’t do with Him on my side.
Casting all my cares upon Him, for He cares for me! (1Peter 5:7) I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
We got to watch Connor’s acting debut as Old Mac Donald together. He was SO cute! Connor was sad when he had to go to school. Gwynn would say, “Yuck!” every time we kissed :0)Dustin surprised me with a night away for my 30th (gasp!!) Birthday. We started off the day with soccer games. Then we went and spent a small fortune at the movie theater. We haven’t done that in years, literally. Then we drove to our get-away. I knew exactly where we were going when I saw where he was driving. Dustin
surprised me with a suite at the Broadmoor. The Broadmoor is a 5 star hotel and let me tell you what…I felt like one of the Beverly Hill Billies! I was so embarrassed when the valet opened the back of our car to get our luggage and Connor’s bat fell out the back!! I am not one of those ladies that likes to be waited on. I felt uncomfortable as the men in suits opened doors for me, carried my duct taped luggage and walked us to our room. I was one of THOSE guests that took pictures of everything! My favorite was the buttons that opened and closed the curtains!Dustin took me out to dinner at one of their restaurants. It was quite a different experience from Texas Roadhouse (where the kiddos chose to take me out the night before for Mother’s Day and my Birthday...and Gwynn asked me "Why don't you care for me mother?") for sure. Instead of being clapped at and having to listen to an
annoying song, they brought out a piece of flourless chocolate cake that had a pencil shaped piece of rolled chocolate with gold flecks in it and a scoop of vanilla ice-cream (not complementary) with a small lit candle in it…no singing, just pure yum! When we went back to our room, everything was turned down, robes were laid across the corners of the bed, the curtains were drawn, and a smooth jazz was playing on the radio. The only thing missing was the drawn bath. We enjoyed a quiet evening together. I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud in the king sized bed with a down pillow top and down pillows. The only thing better than sharing my cloud with my hubby, was getting up the next morning and going to pick up our kiddos to celebrate Mother’s Day. I am a blessed woman!
Of course the rest of our time with Dustin went by way too quickly. Connor begged to stay home from school on his last full day with us. We decided to send him though. I knew when the phone rang at 1 who it was…our “sick” son wanting to come home. I didn’t have the heart to make him stay, so daddy went and picked him up. They got matching haircuts and we enjoyed our last afternoon and evening together.
Saying goodbye again is hard. Adjusting again is hard. It was amazing the difference in Gwynn when daddy was home. She was a happy, snuggly little girl. It’s so nice to know that your kids love their daddy as much as you do. Days after he left, my brother Abraham, his wife Megan and their son Alex arrived here. They are in the process of moving up. They stayed with Elizabeth. Days later, my in-loves arrived for a week. They were here for all 10 seconds of Gwynn’s last soccer game (it got rained out), Connor’s soccer game and his Kindergarten graduation. What an experience that was! As I watched Connor walk up the isle to his seat, I started to cry. It’s been a long year. Dustin wasn’t here when he started school. He wasn’t there to watch him graduate. We’ve been through a lot this year, and it’s finally coming to an end! The day after the grands left, Abe and family moved over to my house. Then my parents came down and got to watch Connor’s last soccer game. They are leaving tomorrow. I am not sure how long my brother and gang will be here. It’s been a busy and crazy month!!
The one thing that has complicated this all, is what happened a week after Dustin got home. I got sick. I was in a lot of pain and Dustin and I couldn’t enjoy each other so I decided to go to the dr. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts. I had them when I was in college, but not this badly. He gave me Tylenol 3 and ordered an ultrasound. I was so sick though, nauseous and in so much pain. I actually went back to the dr and he told me I was going to be fine and to just wait for my ultrasound. I apologized to Dustin over and over. What timing! We have 2 weeks together, and this happens! He was so sweet and understanding. He told me that just being with me was enough for him. He had to leave, not knowing what was going on. That was really hard.
I finally got my ultrasoud on Friday, May 20th. The tech said she couldn’t give me any official results, but, “I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it over the weekend,” she said with a smile. It had already been 2 weeks, what was a few more days? Monday came and went and I didn’t hear anything. Tuesday I got a call from my dr. I couldn’t make it to the phone, but he left a message. My ultra sound showed abnormalities in my cervix (potentially Cervical Cancer) and it also showed that I mostly likely had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease…I needed to get in for a pap ASAP! It’s no wonder the tech didn’t see anything, there weren’t cysts to see!
The news was a crushing blow. Here I thought I had cysts and it turns out to be much worse. I called and got an appointment for the next day. I have to tell you, I have never felt so dirty in my whole life. I got tested for a few different STIs (because they are the common cause of PID and Cervical Cancer). I have only ever been with Dustin. Dustin has only ever been with me. In fact, we were virgins when we got married. (I told you there might be TMI in this blog!!) After having done everything right, it just felt so wrong to be tested for STIs. The dr did tell me that everything looked pretty good, so she wasn’t sure what was going on. She gave me a prescription for 2 antibiotics and a shot of antibiotics before I left. Based on how I am feeling, I am not at all surprised that it is taking 3 antibiotics to take down this infection! I have another appointment on the 14th of June to get my results. Until then, I am just riding it out with my Tylenol 3, prayer and lots of love and support.
I really never expected to find myself in this situation. Not at 30 anyway. I’ve been doing a lot of Googling and have learned that if the abnormalities in my cervix are in fact Cervical Cancer, that it is a very slow growing cancer and if caught early, 100% curable. I just had my annual exam in Sept and was told that I could now go to having it every 2 years! Just imagine if I hadn’t gotten sick with PID, I would have gone another 1.5 years without a pap and who knows what mess I could have been in by then! It took me a few days to get over the shock of the news. However, everything happens for a reason. I know that no matter what happens; I will be okay. There is nothing too big for my God and there is nothing I can’t do with Him on my side.
Casting all my cares upon Him, for He cares for me! (1Peter 5:7) I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
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