Today, my grandpa passed away. He was an amazing man. He had 5 children (2 of whom already passed), 16 grandchildren (2 of whom tragically passed), and 15 great-grands. He was such a sweet, gentle, loving man. He loved Jesus. When I couldn’t look to my parents’ marriage as an example of true love, his and grandma’s was a shining example. I longed to marry a man like him and have my fairy tale marriage like they did. (I think I’ve been quite successful too!) I am so happy that he and grandma (who passed away 10 years ago) are together again.
I had written my grandpa a note, telling him how much I loved him and how much I was thankful that he was my grandpa. I put it in the mail Monday morning. Something kept telling me I needed to call him. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what to say. However, Tuesday morning, I did pick up the phone and call him. It was so hard. Hearing him struggle to breathe as he told me he loved me and was glad to hear my voice literally broke my heart.
Through tears last night, I asked God to be merciful and bring him home quickly. God answered my prayer and tonight, that’s where he is and this hopeless romantic is smiling through the tears.
With the passing of my grandmother last Tuesday and the passing of my grandpa today, that generation in my family has come to an end. They all left a legacy of love and Christ to be deeply treasured.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wings
Today my grandmother passed away. She was an amazing woman. She would have been 89 this May. She had 15 children. She had 29 grandchildren (I think!) I am not even going to try and count her great grandchildren!! She was a beautiful, kind, gentle, and graceful woman. She loved Jesus. I am so happy that she is with him now.
I found out on Facebook that she passed. This is one of the drawbacks of being a child of divorce, I guess. However, it’s not really. All five of my other siblings got an email (one even got a phone call) from my dad letting them know she had passed. Ouch. Today, I fought back tears…because my grandmother passed away? No…because there just seems to be no end to the ways my dad hurts me.
I rarely talk about my dad. So much has happened there but none of it really matters. It’s in my past. I’ve forgiven him so many times. Every time I did, I have accepted him back into my life. Twice he’s written me out of his life…literally written to me to tell me he was done with me. What horrible things have I done to deserve this you might ask?
If anyone can answer that, I would appreciate it!! Ironically, both times I was disowned, were right after Dustin had deployed. I just don’t know how you could possibly kick someone more when they are down. Do you? The last time, I had enough. I forgave him, but I refused to play his games any longer. I love him for giving me life. I am grateful for the Biblical lessons he taught me. However, that’s where it ends. I have learned that I can love someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to let them in my life. I can love them from a distance.
I send him pictures of the kids. I write to him for holidays and his birthday. However, I don’t pick up the phone and call him and I won’t invite him into my house ever again (that’s a really long story.) Is our relationship strained? Yes. Does he know that? Yes. Does that mean I don’t deserve to know that my grandmother passed away? No.
Did he intentionally email all 5 of my siblings and accidentally forget me? Knowing my dad, I have a pretty good guess. However, I don’t know definitively. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What I do know is that after today, I refuse to react emotionally to his actions; intentional or not. I am going to react to what I know to be the truth. He is human too. He is hurt too. God is working on him too. He hasn’t arrived either. My grandmother however, has! :0)
I found out on Facebook that she passed. This is one of the drawbacks of being a child of divorce, I guess. However, it’s not really. All five of my other siblings got an email (one even got a phone call) from my dad letting them know she had passed. Ouch. Today, I fought back tears…because my grandmother passed away? No…because there just seems to be no end to the ways my dad hurts me.
I rarely talk about my dad. So much has happened there but none of it really matters. It’s in my past. I’ve forgiven him so many times. Every time I did, I have accepted him back into my life. Twice he’s written me out of his life…literally written to me to tell me he was done with me. What horrible things have I done to deserve this you might ask?
If anyone can answer that, I would appreciate it!! Ironically, both times I was disowned, were right after Dustin had deployed. I just don’t know how you could possibly kick someone more when they are down. Do you? The last time, I had enough. I forgave him, but I refused to play his games any longer. I love him for giving me life. I am grateful for the Biblical lessons he taught me. However, that’s where it ends. I have learned that I can love someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to let them in my life. I can love them from a distance.
I send him pictures of the kids. I write to him for holidays and his birthday. However, I don’t pick up the phone and call him and I won’t invite him into my house ever again (that’s a really long story.) Is our relationship strained? Yes. Does he know that? Yes. Does that mean I don’t deserve to know that my grandmother passed away? No.
Did he intentionally email all 5 of my siblings and accidentally forget me? Knowing my dad, I have a pretty good guess. However, I don’t know definitively. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What I do know is that after today, I refuse to react emotionally to his actions; intentional or not. I am going to react to what I know to be the truth. He is human too. He is hurt too. God is working on him too. He hasn’t arrived either. My grandmother however, has! :0)
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Hi
Hi.
My name is Sarah and I am a sinner.
It’s been less than a day since my last sin.
For years I tried to kick this on my own. I thought that if I just worked harder, one day I would be perfect. One day, I would never sin again. I was taught that if I sinned and immediately died, I would go to Hell. Working towards that kind of perfection is exhausting. I held others in my life to that same standard. That’s what I knew. Christians are perfect. Every time one of them fell off that pedestal, my faith broke a little, until finally, I was done trying. If these strong Christians in my life weren’t perfect, how could I ever be? I still considered myself a Christian although I didn’t go to church, I didn’t read my Bible and I very rarely prayed. I was okay with being that Christian.
Years later, sitting in a large room surrounded by women in my deployment support group, I overheard one of them talking about Chapel and God spoke to my heart. “Go,” was all he said. And so I went, but I still had this false belief in me. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t that perfect Christian. It took me going to the darkest and most lonely place in my life to realize I had it all wrong.
Isolated in a foreign country, with 2 small children, Army newbies in the midst of a 15 month deployment; my cousin was killed in action. There was no way I could get through this on my own. Yes I had amazing friends. Yes I had family to talk to. However, I still felt alone! It was in this broken moment, weeping, that I reached out to Christ. It was here that he took my hand and began to heal me.
I realize now that on this Earth, I will never be perfect. I cannot be perfect because I am human. I am powerless to my sin. It is only through the grace and mercy of my Savior, Jesus Christ that I have hope of being sinless one day. But that day has not arrived. I have not arrived.
I am a sinner.
My name is Sarah and I am a sinner.
It’s been less than a day since my last sin.
For years I tried to kick this on my own. I thought that if I just worked harder, one day I would be perfect. One day, I would never sin again. I was taught that if I sinned and immediately died, I would go to Hell. Working towards that kind of perfection is exhausting. I held others in my life to that same standard. That’s what I knew. Christians are perfect. Every time one of them fell off that pedestal, my faith broke a little, until finally, I was done trying. If these strong Christians in my life weren’t perfect, how could I ever be? I still considered myself a Christian although I didn’t go to church, I didn’t read my Bible and I very rarely prayed. I was okay with being that Christian.
Years later, sitting in a large room surrounded by women in my deployment support group, I overheard one of them talking about Chapel and God spoke to my heart. “Go,” was all he said. And so I went, but I still had this false belief in me. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t that perfect Christian. It took me going to the darkest and most lonely place in my life to realize I had it all wrong.
Isolated in a foreign country, with 2 small children, Army newbies in the midst of a 15 month deployment; my cousin was killed in action. There was no way I could get through this on my own. Yes I had amazing friends. Yes I had family to talk to. However, I still felt alone! It was in this broken moment, weeping, that I reached out to Christ. It was here that he took my hand and began to heal me.
I realize now that on this Earth, I will never be perfect. I cannot be perfect because I am human. I am powerless to my sin. It is only through the grace and mercy of my Savior, Jesus Christ that I have hope of being sinless one day. But that day has not arrived. I have not arrived.
I am a sinner.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Christmas on Demand
When I was a little kid, I remember being able to turn on the TV weeks before Christmas, and there was always a Christmas movie on. It was fun! As a child, it really helped to put me in the “Christmas Spirit.” This year, I was excited that for the first time in years, we had cable and we could watch all the oldies but goodies like I did as a child. It’s a Wonderful Life. A Christmas Story. Charlie Brown’s Christmas. Imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find any on the 800ish channels we have! When I searched for Christmas movies I found they were all…On Demand. Is that what Christmas has really turned into? Sadly, yes. It’s all about the money and instant gratification.
Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to give their children a bad gift, tape it and then post it on Youtube for the world to see. It was sad to see these children break down, cry and throw fits because their parents got them “bad gifts.” Apparently if you were on Twitter, you would have seen a whole bunch of people complaining about their gifts too. Sadly, that’s what this Christmas season has been reduced to. Why should I be surprised? We live in a nation where we want and want and want and have confused NEED with WANT. We demand to be given everything we want and don’t care what it costs others to give it to us. We demand it.
Well I refuse to have a Christmas On Demand and I am refusing to raise my children to have On Demand Christmases too! This year I was feeling convicted about letting my children believe in Santa instead of the REAL reason for Christmas. It’s not like I wasn’t teaching them that. In fact, thanks to my sweet friend, Marcie, we were memorizing the Christmas story. However, my kiddos would talk nonstop about what they wanted from Santa and not the excitement of Jesus’s birthday. I almost threw Santa under the bus a few weeks before Christmas because I had enough. However, seeing how devastated Gwynn was when she discovered that her claps weren’t magically turning on the Christmas lights, but rather a remote was, I couldn’t do it to her. This point was really driven home Christmas morning in service when Connor was too excited to come home and open presents that he couldn’t sit still.
This year we told the kiddos the real story of St. Nicholas; who he was and what he is believed to have done. How he was just a kind and generous man who helped those in need. I am going to continue to drive that point home. This next year I am going to make Christmas all about Jesus. Our advent calendar is going to be Crimsons. We are going to give Jesus a gift. He is going to be the center of our Christmas. I am going to try to emphasize giving rather than receiving…which I know may be a stretch for my kiddos, but you can’t grow without stretching. I should say that my kiddos really aren't extremely selfish. They were excited to give gifts to children in Nigeria who don't have any and were very thankful for what they received. I guess it was more me...realizing that I really need to make an effort to keep the Reason for the Season alive and refuse to have a Christmas on Demand.
Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to give their children a bad gift, tape it and then post it on Youtube for the world to see. It was sad to see these children break down, cry and throw fits because their parents got them “bad gifts.” Apparently if you were on Twitter, you would have seen a whole bunch of people complaining about their gifts too. Sadly, that’s what this Christmas season has been reduced to. Why should I be surprised? We live in a nation where we want and want and want and have confused NEED with WANT. We demand to be given everything we want and don’t care what it costs others to give it to us. We demand it.
Well I refuse to have a Christmas On Demand and I am refusing to raise my children to have On Demand Christmases too! This year I was feeling convicted about letting my children believe in Santa instead of the REAL reason for Christmas. It’s not like I wasn’t teaching them that. In fact, thanks to my sweet friend, Marcie, we were memorizing the Christmas story. However, my kiddos would talk nonstop about what they wanted from Santa and not the excitement of Jesus’s birthday. I almost threw Santa under the bus a few weeks before Christmas because I had enough. However, seeing how devastated Gwynn was when she discovered that her claps weren’t magically turning on the Christmas lights, but rather a remote was, I couldn’t do it to her. This point was really driven home Christmas morning in service when Connor was too excited to come home and open presents that he couldn’t sit still.
This year we told the kiddos the real story of St. Nicholas; who he was and what he is believed to have done. How he was just a kind and generous man who helped those in need. I am going to continue to drive that point home. This next year I am going to make Christmas all about Jesus. Our advent calendar is going to be Crimsons. We are going to give Jesus a gift. He is going to be the center of our Christmas. I am going to try to emphasize giving rather than receiving…which I know may be a stretch for my kiddos, but you can’t grow without stretching. I should say that my kiddos really aren't extremely selfish. They were excited to give gifts to children in Nigeria who don't have any and were very thankful for what they received. I guess it was more me...realizing that I really need to make an effort to keep the Reason for the Season alive and refuse to have a Christmas on Demand.
Friday, December 9, 2011
2x2
Some pretty great things come in pairs.
Aces, fuzzy dice, hands, coffee and creamer, lips, flip-flops, love birds…or in my case…
**A pair of mommy blessings. Upon opening Connor’s school folder, I received my first blessing when I found out that he will once again be named Student of the Quarter :0) I really have tried to instill good work ethics in him. I try to encourage him to do the best he can do. Things like this make all the chats, lessons, erasing, rewriting, and frustration over homework so worth it! It brought a tear of joy to my eye. The second blessing was Gwynn. I love listening to her pray. She is so sweet. Tonight at dinner she insisted she needed to pray and she prayed, “Dear Jesus, thank you for all this great food and for all our grateful stuff.” This is her prayer every dinner, actually :0) Then she insisted she needed to pray for forgiveness. She prayed, “Dear Jesus, I am so sorry that I yelled at Daddy and that I got out of time out that Connor put me in (they must have been playing???), and that I didn’t clean when Mommy told me to. Please forgive me. Amen.” HOW STINKING SWEET IS THAT?? What a fabulous pair of blessings!
**A pair of 2s. 2 warm, wet and sunny months in Hawaii and 2 wonderful, busy weeks in our new home!! We were so thankful to move in 6 days early and not have to spend Thanksgiving in the hotel :0) We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to be here and to finally have our own roof.
**A pair of rugs!! I am SO excited about this. It took me forever to find rugs that Dustin and I both liked and then forever to find a place that would even ship it to us! Finally I found Barnes and Nobel that shipped them to us for $30!! Very exciting!
**A pair of amazing discoveries! The power of communication and Pinterest!! While happily hanging my calendar, I was greeted by pounding on my wall. I had to put in another nail and the response was the same. My heart was pounding. I had no idea what to do. I thought well maybe this is just a bad time for me to be pounding nails into the wall. So, I put on my big girl panties and went next door to ask. As it turned out, her hubby is deployed, she is really stressed out and had just opened up a huge bill as I began my hammering. After a chat, she had a smile on her face and told me I could hammer all day. Just to think, I could have sat here, been angry at her, she would have stayed angry at me and we could have been bitter towards each other for 3 years…instead, we both may have made a new friend :0) Now, Pinterest…AMAZING! The Crafters/DIYs dream!! Oh my. That’s just all I can say. I have a list of things I want to make and fantastic ideas for organizing my new home! YAY!
**A pair of Contracts! One fell through, but we’re under contract again!! We are trusting that this one will go all the way to the end! They are asking for some really silly stuff, but we’re just so ready to be done with this house, that we’ll probably give it to them. That’s the bummer of a buyer’s market. Oh well, we’re just happy to be blessing someone else with it.
Sadly, yucky things come in pairs too.
Sweaty socks, liver and onions, long nights and early mornings…or in my case…
**A pair of croupy kiddos. They both had it last year so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised they got it again this year. Connor missed 3 days of school because of fever and Gwynn’s fever went on for over a week. Thankfully they are both much better now!
**A pair of pests. We love our new house, but it has TONS of ants! Every room on the first floor had a colony as did our bathroom and Gwynn’s room. I think we got them under control for now, but from what I hear, it is just a matter of time before they are back! The other pest is a cat…or a former cat that left its stink everywhere! We can’t close a closet door without opening to a waft of kitty pheromone! Thankfully I found Pinterest to give me tips on how to get rid of the ants and the kitty stink ;0)
Aces, fuzzy dice, hands, coffee and creamer, lips, flip-flops, love birds…or in my case…
**A pair of mommy blessings. Upon opening Connor’s school folder, I received my first blessing when I found out that he will once again be named Student of the Quarter :0) I really have tried to instill good work ethics in him. I try to encourage him to do the best he can do. Things like this make all the chats, lessons, erasing, rewriting, and frustration over homework so worth it! It brought a tear of joy to my eye. The second blessing was Gwynn. I love listening to her pray. She is so sweet. Tonight at dinner she insisted she needed to pray and she prayed, “Dear Jesus, thank you for all this great food and for all our grateful stuff.” This is her prayer every dinner, actually :0) Then she insisted she needed to pray for forgiveness. She prayed, “Dear Jesus, I am so sorry that I yelled at Daddy and that I got out of time out that Connor put me in (they must have been playing???), and that I didn’t clean when Mommy told me to. Please forgive me. Amen.” HOW STINKING SWEET IS THAT?? What a fabulous pair of blessings!
**A pair of 2s. 2 warm, wet and sunny months in Hawaii and 2 wonderful, busy weeks in our new home!! We were so thankful to move in 6 days early and not have to spend Thanksgiving in the hotel :0) We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to be here and to finally have our own roof.
**A pair of rugs!! I am SO excited about this. It took me forever to find rugs that Dustin and I both liked and then forever to find a place that would even ship it to us! Finally I found Barnes and Nobel that shipped them to us for $30!! Very exciting!
**A pair of amazing discoveries! The power of communication and Pinterest!! While happily hanging my calendar, I was greeted by pounding on my wall. I had to put in another nail and the response was the same. My heart was pounding. I had no idea what to do. I thought well maybe this is just a bad time for me to be pounding nails into the wall. So, I put on my big girl panties and went next door to ask. As it turned out, her hubby is deployed, she is really stressed out and had just opened up a huge bill as I began my hammering. After a chat, she had a smile on her face and told me I could hammer all day. Just to think, I could have sat here, been angry at her, she would have stayed angry at me and we could have been bitter towards each other for 3 years…instead, we both may have made a new friend :0) Now, Pinterest…AMAZING! The Crafters/DIYs dream!! Oh my. That’s just all I can say. I have a list of things I want to make and fantastic ideas for organizing my new home! YAY!
**A pair of Contracts! One fell through, but we’re under contract again!! We are trusting that this one will go all the way to the end! They are asking for some really silly stuff, but we’re just so ready to be done with this house, that we’ll probably give it to them. That’s the bummer of a buyer’s market. Oh well, we’re just happy to be blessing someone else with it.
Sadly, yucky things come in pairs too.
Sweaty socks, liver and onions, long nights and early mornings…or in my case…
**A pair of croupy kiddos. They both had it last year so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised they got it again this year. Connor missed 3 days of school because of fever and Gwynn’s fever went on for over a week. Thankfully they are both much better now!
**A pair of pests. We love our new house, but it has TONS of ants! Every room on the first floor had a colony as did our bathroom and Gwynn’s room. I think we got them under control for now, but from what I hear, it is just a matter of time before they are back! The other pest is a cat…or a former cat that left its stink everywhere! We can’t close a closet door without opening to a waft of kitty pheromone! Thankfully I found Pinterest to give me tips on how to get rid of the ants and the kitty stink ;0)
Friday, November 18, 2011
Week 6
I am so ready to be out of this hotel :0) It's pretty sad when the only faces you recognize are your neighbors (who have been here a few days longer than you) and the cleaning ladies! Connor now struggles to fall asleep with his eyes open, watching TV...I just can't figure out why he can't fall asleep (end sarcastic font ;0) Gwynn has decided that I have too much privacy, and now joins me for every shower I take. This only days after she told me that she wished she didn't have a mother and she could be on her own and do whatever she wanted. Someone in the building is getting lazy and smoking into their bathroom vent, which blows the smoke right into ours. I've always gotten a headache from that nasty stuff! So Aleve has been my best friend between smokie headaches and an achy arthritic body! The good...no the GREAT news is that our house is vacant now and we're supposed to get a call on Monday to let us know when exactly we can move in :0) I spent a good portion of yesterday morning driving around my new neighborhood figuring out all the roads and best ways to get from here to there. I'm starting to get excited!!
The real fun has happened the last few days. My car, (we call her Rosie) has decided she is going on strike. She is old and just doesn't want to go any more...so she put herself in park and refuses to get out of it. However, I have figured out just where to touch her to get what I want. So, every time I want to go somewhere, I shove a pencil in this little hole, push down a tiny lever while using my other hand to shift...yes, then she reluctantly shifts! I think she is sick of my poking her because she got back at me yesterday. She was running low on gas so I went to fill her up. Every time I squeezed the pump she clicked it off. I took the nozzle out and tried again and she spit the gas out all over me! She is stubborn, but so am I!! I managed to get enough gas in her that I could drive around :0)
So today, I am doing laundry and Gwynn begged me to stay in the room. The laundry room is 5 doors away so I didn't really care. I was putting our soaking wet clothes into the dryer when I see a little blondie come running to me, "I was scared!" Well normally I wouldn't care, but I didn't bring the room key with me because she was in the room. Mistake one. Mistake two...I was barefoot. Here, you have to go all the way to the office, which is across 2 parking lots from my room, have them call housekeeping to let me in...never mind the fact that the maid is right here, but I digress. So, I drop off the laundry basket of clean clothes at our door, pick up Gwynn (because she is of course barefooted too) and carry her to the office. Then I lost my debit card, which was found after asking the grocery store if they had it, behind another card. So, I went to two of my best friends (Ben and Jerry's) to let it all out :0)
It's hard when your life seems so chaotic to find peace and love. This year it has been really hard for me to find things to be Thankful for. Part of that, I think, is that God is working on me. Being in this hotel has really opened my eyes. When I start to think of the things I miss and what I am thankful for, I realize that they are all so materialistic and I feel so selfish. I think of the people living in tents here and have to be thankful for the hotel room because at least it's a roof. I think of missing my stuff and wish my kids had their stuff to keep them busy and think of the children in our country and most other countries that have a sliver of what mine have here right now. Then just as I am getting close to a house after 43 days in a hotel (but who is counting) Dustin comes home and tells me the Warrant Officers are recruiting him! Chaos.
However, the message of love has been surrounding me everywhere I go. "We are ALL one of God's favorite people." "But I love her." "Living at peace with everyone." "How to love the unlovable." From church, to Bible study, to random blogs and overhearing other people's conversations...that message has been everywhere. So I have really been trying to focus on that. Remembering that no matter how frustrated I am every time I see someone else move out of here, they are just as entitled to a house as I am...because they are loved by God too. Remembering every time I get annoyed with someone, that I need to be nice because they are loved by God too. Remembering that everyone, no matter where they live, who they are, or how they act, they are loved by God, and they should be loved by me too. Challenging...especially when I feel so unsettled and chaotic and all I want to do is scream...but a challenge worth accepting!
The real fun has happened the last few days. My car, (we call her Rosie) has decided she is going on strike. She is old and just doesn't want to go any more...so she put herself in park and refuses to get out of it. However, I have figured out just where to touch her to get what I want. So, every time I want to go somewhere, I shove a pencil in this little hole, push down a tiny lever while using my other hand to shift...yes, then she reluctantly shifts! I think she is sick of my poking her because she got back at me yesterday. She was running low on gas so I went to fill her up. Every time I squeezed the pump she clicked it off. I took the nozzle out and tried again and she spit the gas out all over me! She is stubborn, but so am I!! I managed to get enough gas in her that I could drive around :0)
So today, I am doing laundry and Gwynn begged me to stay in the room. The laundry room is 5 doors away so I didn't really care. I was putting our soaking wet clothes into the dryer when I see a little blondie come running to me, "I was scared!" Well normally I wouldn't care, but I didn't bring the room key with me because she was in the room. Mistake one. Mistake two...I was barefoot. Here, you have to go all the way to the office, which is across 2 parking lots from my room, have them call housekeeping to let me in...never mind the fact that the maid is right here, but I digress. So, I drop off the laundry basket of clean clothes at our door, pick up Gwynn (because she is of course barefooted too) and carry her to the office. Then I lost my debit card, which was found after asking the grocery store if they had it, behind another card. So, I went to two of my best friends (Ben and Jerry's) to let it all out :0)
It's hard when your life seems so chaotic to find peace and love. This year it has been really hard for me to find things to be Thankful for. Part of that, I think, is that God is working on me. Being in this hotel has really opened my eyes. When I start to think of the things I miss and what I am thankful for, I realize that they are all so materialistic and I feel so selfish. I think of the people living in tents here and have to be thankful for the hotel room because at least it's a roof. I think of missing my stuff and wish my kids had their stuff to keep them busy and think of the children in our country and most other countries that have a sliver of what mine have here right now. Then just as I am getting close to a house after 43 days in a hotel (but who is counting) Dustin comes home and tells me the Warrant Officers are recruiting him! Chaos.
However, the message of love has been surrounding me everywhere I go. "We are ALL one of God's favorite people." "But I love her." "Living at peace with everyone." "How to love the unlovable." From church, to Bible study, to random blogs and overhearing other people's conversations...that message has been everywhere. So I have really been trying to focus on that. Remembering that no matter how frustrated I am every time I see someone else move out of here, they are just as entitled to a house as I am...because they are loved by God too. Remembering every time I get annoyed with someone, that I need to be nice because they are loved by God too. Remembering that everyone, no matter where they live, who they are, or how they act, they are loved by God, and they should be loved by me too. Challenging...especially when I feel so unsettled and chaotic and all I want to do is scream...but a challenge worth accepting!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Weeks 3, 4, 5: We’re all still alive!
We’ve gotten into a pretty good routine the past few weeks. This hotel is starting to feel like “home.” What has been amazing to me is that after adjusting to it, I realized how little we can actually live with. Would it be nice if we had a bigger fridge and a freezer so we didn’t have to go to the store every day and eat everything we make or throw it away? Yes, but it’s not necessary. Would it be nice to have more space so that we’re not constantly on top of each other? Yes, but we’re learning to live with it. Would it be nice to not have someone knock on my door every day to clean my room? Yes, but at least I am not spending more money on washing towels! So yes, it is still challenging, but doable! It didn’t come without a breaking point though.
All of our stuff has arrived! It feels so great to know that all of our stuff is here, but it’s so frustrating that it’s sitting in storage until our house opens up. It’s frustrating that we have a house in CO that hasn’t sold and we’re about to start paying rent and mortgage. It’s frustrating to watch people move out of the hotel that we KNOW moved in after us. I did have the chance to go to my friend’s house and see what ours will look like…and I got excited. I started planning where to put everything and the things I want to get so we have a “grown up” house now. The one thing that I really want is a rug. All the floors downstairs are hard wood. I have never been able to find a rug that I really liked and that Dustin liked as well. Well, after hours of searching on painfully slow internet (thankfully free though), I finally found one we both agreed on…only to find out they won’t ship to me!! Grrr. The internet is another huge challenge. Connor has a lot of homework he actually has to do online, and the pages won’t load here…unless we get on at 6 in the morning! I am not exaggerating either…but we’re up that early anyway, so we might as well be productive!
One thing that a parent doesn’t want to admit, because of pride, is that her child still wets the bed. Well, mine does, and it’s hard. It’s hard to have both of your children in one bed not knowing if it’s going to happen tonight or not. It’s expensive washing bedding every time it happens. It’s heart wrenching to watch your child cry because they feel so bad and helpless every time it happens. Well it’s really picked up since we moved here, so we decided to see a doctor. I have to say I was AMAZED at the service here. Our appointment was at 11:40, we were seen at 11:20 and by 1:20 we had blood work, urine test, xray and results back to us!!! What we found out is that we have a very healthy 7 year old boy, except for the fact that he was a little constipated…which could cause the increase because of pressing on the bladder in his sleep. So, he was put on a laxative. Boy is he a pooping machine! When I talked to him about the medicine, he complained saying, “But mom, I don’t like to poop!!” So I told him it was healthy and necessary to go every day. Then he admitted that he holds it in because it takes too long and it stinks! Oh my, did we have a good laugh about that. So, anyway, the doc told us there is nothing wrong with him (thank goodness because he was looking at diabetes and kidney failure!) we just need to wait it out until his body is ready.
I’ll tell you another thing that is out of this world challenging in a hotel room…PMS! Oh my!!! There is NO WHERE to go to let off steam! Man, those were a rough few days!
It’s winter here too, so instead of cold and snow, it rains a lot…so much for the park outings or walks…but we’ve discovered the Library for new books, movies and even Wii games! We finally set it up today. We survived the hotel for 5 weeks without setting it up, but on this long rainy weekend, we decided to bust it out :0)
One day, I did yoga in the morning and then unexpectedly had to walk to get Connor from school. I couldn’t find my knee brace but had to go. We had to stop at the Commissary to get dinner on the way home. The kiddos were in no mood to be there and were insanely wild. We walked back, got all the way up to our room only for me to realize I had locked myself out of our room. Our maid was right outside our room but because of policy, couldn’t let me in. So, I had to walk back down the stairs (which are really hard on a bad knee!) to the office, stand in line for about 10 minutes, again with crazy kids, only to be told to go back to our room and someone would meet us there to let us in. So we walked back, up the stairs and waited by the door. Tired, sore, and frustrated, I barely made it in the room and to the bathroom before I lost it. This was my breaking point. I cried like a baby, told God how hard this was and then gathered myself back together. Ever since, I’ve been good to go. I think sometimes we as women feel that we have to be strong and do it all to hold everyone else together. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to fall apart and cry so that we can pull ourselves together again…and that’s just what I did.
Since then, Dustin got me a car :0) With my knee, Dustin having to go to random places on post that are too far for him to walk, and getting wet suits, sand, and red mud all over our brand new car…it was evident that a second car was on the horizon. We had been looking but hadn’t found anything we were too excited about. On the way home from the beach, we stopped at the “lemon lot” and found a 2002 Accent with 130K miles on it, but in great condition! Perfect!! All we wanted was something to take us from home to school and back and to the beach! So, now we have that car! It’s been nice to have that freedom and to know that when my knees are sucking, I don’t have to walk! It’s been really humid and my arthritis has really flared up, adding yet another challenge to getting around on my feet. So, I am very grateful for this car.
When we got the orders to come here, I was pretty upset. I wasn’t ready to go yet. However, I knew that it was God’s plan for us. I knew he had to have something in the works for us. In the short 5 weeks we’ve been here, I can already feel the blessings that we are going to have here. I am so excited for the next 3 years!
All of our stuff has arrived! It feels so great to know that all of our stuff is here, but it’s so frustrating that it’s sitting in storage until our house opens up. It’s frustrating that we have a house in CO that hasn’t sold and we’re about to start paying rent and mortgage. It’s frustrating to watch people move out of the hotel that we KNOW moved in after us. I did have the chance to go to my friend’s house and see what ours will look like…and I got excited. I started planning where to put everything and the things I want to get so we have a “grown up” house now. The one thing that I really want is a rug. All the floors downstairs are hard wood. I have never been able to find a rug that I really liked and that Dustin liked as well. Well, after hours of searching on painfully slow internet (thankfully free though), I finally found one we both agreed on…only to find out they won’t ship to me!! Grrr. The internet is another huge challenge. Connor has a lot of homework he actually has to do online, and the pages won’t load here…unless we get on at 6 in the morning! I am not exaggerating either…but we’re up that early anyway, so we might as well be productive!
One thing that a parent doesn’t want to admit, because of pride, is that her child still wets the bed. Well, mine does, and it’s hard. It’s hard to have both of your children in one bed not knowing if it’s going to happen tonight or not. It’s expensive washing bedding every time it happens. It’s heart wrenching to watch your child cry because they feel so bad and helpless every time it happens. Well it’s really picked up since we moved here, so we decided to see a doctor. I have to say I was AMAZED at the service here. Our appointment was at 11:40, we were seen at 11:20 and by 1:20 we had blood work, urine test, xray and results back to us!!! What we found out is that we have a very healthy 7 year old boy, except for the fact that he was a little constipated…which could cause the increase because of pressing on the bladder in his sleep. So, he was put on a laxative. Boy is he a pooping machine! When I talked to him about the medicine, he complained saying, “But mom, I don’t like to poop!!” So I told him it was healthy and necessary to go every day. Then he admitted that he holds it in because it takes too long and it stinks! Oh my, did we have a good laugh about that. So, anyway, the doc told us there is nothing wrong with him (thank goodness because he was looking at diabetes and kidney failure!) we just need to wait it out until his body is ready.
I’ll tell you another thing that is out of this world challenging in a hotel room…PMS! Oh my!!! There is NO WHERE to go to let off steam! Man, those were a rough few days!
It’s winter here too, so instead of cold and snow, it rains a lot…so much for the park outings or walks…but we’ve discovered the Library for new books, movies and even Wii games! We finally set it up today. We survived the hotel for 5 weeks without setting it up, but on this long rainy weekend, we decided to bust it out :0)
One day, I did yoga in the morning and then unexpectedly had to walk to get Connor from school. I couldn’t find my knee brace but had to go. We had to stop at the Commissary to get dinner on the way home. The kiddos were in no mood to be there and were insanely wild. We walked back, got all the way up to our room only for me to realize I had locked myself out of our room. Our maid was right outside our room but because of policy, couldn’t let me in. So, I had to walk back down the stairs (which are really hard on a bad knee!) to the office, stand in line for about 10 minutes, again with crazy kids, only to be told to go back to our room and someone would meet us there to let us in. So we walked back, up the stairs and waited by the door. Tired, sore, and frustrated, I barely made it in the room and to the bathroom before I lost it. This was my breaking point. I cried like a baby, told God how hard this was and then gathered myself back together. Ever since, I’ve been good to go. I think sometimes we as women feel that we have to be strong and do it all to hold everyone else together. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to fall apart and cry so that we can pull ourselves together again…and that’s just what I did.
Since then, Dustin got me a car :0) With my knee, Dustin having to go to random places on post that are too far for him to walk, and getting wet suits, sand, and red mud all over our brand new car…it was evident that a second car was on the horizon. We had been looking but hadn’t found anything we were too excited about. On the way home from the beach, we stopped at the “lemon lot” and found a 2002 Accent with 130K miles on it, but in great condition! Perfect!! All we wanted was something to take us from home to school and back and to the beach! So, now we have that car! It’s been nice to have that freedom and to know that when my knees are sucking, I don’t have to walk! It’s been really humid and my arthritis has really flared up, adding yet another challenge to getting around on my feet. So, I am very grateful for this car.
When we got the orders to come here, I was pretty upset. I wasn’t ready to go yet. However, I knew that it was God’s plan for us. I knew he had to have something in the works for us. In the short 5 weeks we’ve been here, I can already feel the blessings that we are going to have here. I am so excited for the next 3 years!
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