Days 52-58

Well the last time I left you I was having a really bad day. I seriously wanted to run away and quit. I did cry, but instead of passing out, I grabbed a book that I have had sitting around for a while, but never made the time to read it. The book, Answering the 8 Cries of the Spirited Child. I started to read it and it made me cry again…not because of my day, but because it reminded me that my children ARE Spirited. It reminded me that I will have challenging days, but that there is hope. I was really pleased to discover that it is by a Christian author, which I didn’t know when I bought it.

“But why me? You ask. The best answer is this: God chose you because he knew you were the parent your child would need. And he didn’t make a mistake. You have what it takes. And whatever you lack in patience or wisdom or self-control, God will give you so you can see this job through.”

How could I not be encouraged by those words?? So I know I talk about my kiddos being spirited…but you may be wondering what that is… Here is the quiz that she had in the book…

Spirited Child Inventory

___ When energy was given out, your child got an extra portion.
___The word no is considered a challenge, not an answer.
___Whatever your child is doing, he or she is very intense.
___Your child doesn’t understand the concept of adaptability.
___Your child is a natural-born debater.
___Whatever the norm is for most children, your son or daughter is more.
___Your child resists schedules—as in bedtimes, mealtimes, and routines.
___Your child gives a new meaning to the word persistence.
___Your child is sensitive to sounds, sights, textures, foods and so on.
___Your child often loses his or her temper.
___Your child seems to try deliberately to annoy people.
___Your child often refuses to comply with your rules or requests.
"Rate each statement on a scale of one (not my child) to ten (yep,
that’s definitely my kid). Ad up the score. If ti’s under 50, you probably have a very compliant, cooperative child. If your child’s score is between 70-80, you most likely picked up this book because you recognize your little angel is in the title. If your child scored even higher—well, we recommend that you find some other parents with similarly spirited children and develop a support system. You need it."

My Kiddos scored a 110 and a 113…so you can see where my challenges lie. Reading this, its no wonder people think I have ill behaved children and question my parenting skills. I know I sure did!!! I will never forget the day that I discovered “spirited children.” I had been at the park with Connor. I was appalled by his behavior! Dustin had just left for Iraq, Connor had just turned 3 and I was sure I had a bully on my hands!! I came home in tears and got on Google. I think I searched “how to handle my bully” or something like that. Through clicking on various links, I ended up at a Spirited Child website. As I read, I wept…that was MY son!! I felt like the worst parent in the world and it was so freeing to realize that I wasn’t…that it was just my son’s temperament. I almost laughed when I read a story about a little boy who wouldn’t eat his PBJ because it was cut the wrong way and on the wrong color plate…I had just had that EXACT same thing happen the day before!!

Anyway, so in short a “spirited child” is…more…of everything :0)
• Intensity—meaning greater drama, easier cry response, making more demands on parents.
• Persistence—gets committed to and stays with ideas, may argue points with parents long after an issue is settled.
• High Energy Level—also sometimes labeled hyperactive, but many who write on this disorder do not want the term hyperactivity confused with the disorder(ADHD).
• Sensitive—may be overly sensitive to sounds, slight discomfort, pictures, and stimuli of all sorts.
• Difficult Adaptability—may react with greater emotion to changes like attending school, or moving to a new house.
• Moody—may be more prone to get cranky, but may also be susceptible to and more perceptive of the moods of others.

In the book, Answering the 8 Cries of the Spirited Child, she has a chart with 4 different “types” of spiritedness… Gwynn is 1&2, Connor is 3&4 and I am (yes, I am a spirited parent!) 2&3! It makes it very confusing. What works for Connor does not work for Gwynn. What works for me, does not work for either of my children. Anyway, it was great to pick up another book and renew my strength, so to speak, in parenting.

We’ve had some really great days since then! Gwynn had another soccer game. This one didn’t go so well. When a spirited child is either tired or hungry, forget any cooperation!! Well, opening ceremony started at 9 and the game was from 10-11…and by the time we got to the game, Gwynn was done. I didn’t know it was going to be that long or I would have brought more snacks and she probably would have been fine. We did have Taco John’s after that though :0)

Sunday I started the hand bell choir. I had completely forgotten how much I LOVED to ring until I picked up the first bell. It is so much fun! I hadn’t rung since high school, maybe even middle school…it’s been a long time, but it just came back, like riding a bike. Afterward, the director said, “You guys (my sis was there too) are really good!” I told her I hadn’t rung in at least 10 years to which she replied, “Well I am not complaining!” It made me feel really good.

Connor has a buddy that lives down the street. He is in second grade, but they really love playing together. I didn’t realize it, but there are 4 Kindergartners on my little 15 house cul-de-sac. They have fun playing together. Last night when Jackson brought Connor home I thanked him for having Connor come play. He replied, “Oh, it’s my pleasure,” with his hand on his chest! This is definitely the kind of friend you want your child to have!

Connor has been struggling in school…with refocus. Every day I ask if he had to go, and when he says yes, we talk about why. We had a huge discussion about choices and consequences. Some things have happened that I don’t agree with how the teacher handled them, but I do support her and how she handles her class. It’s hard when your son followed the rules, and was doing what was right, and still gets in trouble. I just pray he is learning some valuable lessons. I know how hard it is for me to have a spirited child at home…I can’t imagine how hard it is to have one in class!

It appears that I didn’t quite think through all of the possible ramifications of getting rid of my IUD. Yesterday I was slammed, and I do mean SLAMMED with PMS! I haven’t had to deal with this in…what 4 years! The last time this happened to me was before I got preggo with Gwynn! It was horrible. If you could have been in my head yesterday…WOW! Thank God I have some self-control…I think I managed to hold in most of my crazy…but inside it was horrible!!

I think I have portrayed that I have been a huge mess since Dustin left. I feel like my brain is Swiss cheese and I can’t get anything organized. I feel like I am just barely making it from here to there. I am constantly feeling rushed and that I am forgetting something. Well, I have had enough! I need to get organized! I need to get it together. I am going to make myself a huge chart with to-dos for every day. I am reading (and I don’t really enjoy to read, but I know it’s something I need to do) several books! I am doing a Bible Study with PWOC, one with my sisters and mom, my Spirited child book, and another parenting book…all of this on top of my regular Bible reading. It’s overwhelming at times, but I feel like I am learning a lot.

Connor has early release today. I am excited because he and Gwynn start their Bell Choir tonight. It should be fun :0)