Wow, September has been rocky!! Every day this month that Connor has had to go to school has been a challenge!! He doesn’t want to go. On Friday, I literally had to take his hand and walk him on the bus. He sat down and looked out the window at me with huge crocodile tears streaming down his face. It was so hard for me to put a smile on my face, wave and blow kisses without bursting into tears myself. Yesterday morning he wouldn’t even put on his shoes. We were so late getting out the door I had to drive. Both he and Gwynn cried the entire way to the bus stop. He hid behind me until the bus came and was on the verge of tears as the bus pulled away. I don’t know what to do! I feel so bad for him. He did so great the first 2 ½ weeks…I can’t figure out why he is melting down now.
There are so many things going on right now that are really stressing me out. I can’t figure out how to cut any of it out either. It’s rather frustrating too because I have all these wonderful people that want to help me out and honestly there isn’t anything anyone can do to help. It’s all still just part of the adjusting to new things. Getting my kiddos adjusted. Getting myself adjusted. Dustin has been gone for 51 days and I feel like I should be good to go by now! Just when I feel like I am getting things going in the right direction…BAM something happens.
Man, I feel like I have been complaining a lot. I need to remind myself to focus on the positive. So instead of focusing on the fact that this morning I walked in on an entire bottle of glitter gloriously sprinkled all over my desk, Agent Blue splattered on every surface of my bathroom, a now permanently blue speckled toilet seat, milk spilled down the front of freshly donned attire and an entire cup of tea on the kitchen floor (all of this before 7:30am)…I am focusing on the fact that Connor didn’t cry today at the bus!!! I would say, YAY for small victories…but that’s pretty huge! Instead of focusing on the fact that my kids both screamed, cried, threw a massive and embarrassing fit for my neighbor to see, and one of them drew with marker all over a wooden puzzle and ripped part of my wall off tonight while they were supposed to be going to sleep…I am going to focus on…screw it…tonight I give up. I don’t even think I can enjoy a small glass of the free bottle of wine I got today. I am going to cry myself silly and pass out.
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