My big !s in February (writing and giving a devo, cupcakes for school, plan, set up and put on a Romantic dinner for 70 ladies (which was canceled the night after we spent 3 hours setting it up due to bad weather), plan a program for my ladies group at church, bake Valentine goodies for said program, dr. apt for Connor’s tonsils, and the last one our all day Bell Festival) were starting to come off my calendar one by one…the end was in sight! I was starting to breathe a sigh of relief. THEN…Dustin emailed me 2 days before my last ! to let me know that he had just been told we had pending orders to PCS to Hawaii. At first I was excited! Hawaii!! Then I started to think about it and the reality set in, I got really stressed and actually cried about it. I know most people don’t get that at all, so let me explain.
This Blog Six in the Hoodsays it best but I’ll sum it up for you. The blog opens with this line, “A Chaplain once told me that Military families are in a constant state of grief.” This is the best way to explain my life. While we are really happy, after reading this article, I realized that this statement is so true.
Everyone sees a move to Hawaii as so exciting; a great adventure!!! Here is what I see. How on earth can we be moving already? We were told we were going to be here as long as we wanted. We haven’t even been here 2 years yet!! The second I tell people here that I am moving to Hawaii, even though it is 9 months away, they start to pull away. I stop being as involved or caring as much because I know I won’t be here that much longer. (stage 1: denial and isolation) I get really mad because everyone is so excited about this…but I don’t really want to go. I know it’s going to be a lot of work. Dustin will get home, we’ll have to sell the house and Dustin won’t get to enjoy all the hard work we’ve done on the house. Then a few months after we get there, Dustin will be going to Ft Sill for 2 months. My life just got crazy again and I was just getting to take down that last ! and now I have to do all of this by myself...Dustin is gone!! Connor is in school here, has friends, Gwynn is about ready to start school, I have a great church here, I’m involved in PWOC…this just ruins MY plans!!! Plus everything we have to do, we’ll have to get done in 90 days. That means getting our stuff packed up, getting on a waiting list for housing…so much to do in the last few months when we should be getting to enjoy our reunion. Other people were giving me a hard time about it as if I had anything to do with this choice which made me really mad. I don’t want this!! (stage 2: anger) Then I start thinking, well maybe we could just stay here in the house until Dustin is done with training. Maybe we could just try to stay here. (stage 3: bargaining) Then it hits…I am losing so much. I have to say goodbye to all of my friends, my beautiful mountains, my home that I love, living in the same town as my sister and not having an ocean between our families and us again. My kiddos have to say goodbye to their friends, first schools. I have to let go of all the dreams I had for this house and just living here in general. (stage 4: depression) Finally I realize there is nothing I can do about it. I get hooked up with some ladies already living there to ask questions. I make a “to do” list months long. I start to organize the things we are going to sell, store, and take with us. My trash can starts to fill up with everything I am just getting rid of. I look into what we need to do to sell our house, praying we won’t have to pay back the 8K we got when we bought it. (stage 5: acceptance)
So while everyone else sees an exciting adventure and can’t possibly understand why I am upset or stressed about it…this is what I am going through. I am finally excited about it. I know that God put us in this situation, and he will bring us through it to the other side. I just have to keep my eyes up and focused on him. His plans are not my plans and I know his are better.
Other than that chaotic mess, Gwynn has been taking ballet classes once a week for the last 2 months and Connor took 8 gymnastics lessons. 
We are preparing to put on a Bell concert for our church. Connor, Gwynn, Elizabeth and I will be playing “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.” I’m pretty excited about that, but the rest of it, I could care less honestly. I wanted to be done after the festival, but I guess I have to hang in there a few more months. My kitchen faucet stopped working, but I could still use my sprayer which made for a watery mess. My elliptical broke beyond the scope of my or cheap repair. I tried waxing my legs, which I think I will never do again. We had to say good bye to our first pets…both of Connor’s Birthday fish died on the same day. He took it better than I expected. I baked a few pies and a cake for different functions. I went to a baby shower and an FRG meeting and remembered why I don’t hang out with Army people very often :0) We found out that the military might not be getting paid until Congress can get the budget passed…talk about stress!! Then I had a crazy busy day where I left my house at 7:30 and didn’t get home until 6 that night. It involved putting on another program on post, getting Connor from school, driving to Denver for a dr. apt and coming back just in time to make gymnastics and finally home. This has all been in 1 month too and I haven’t even shared the family and friend issues I’ve been helping with!! You add to all of this the regular house work I should be keeping up with, lack of sleep and the lack of “sharing a bed” with Dustin…for EIGHT months…and you can see a recipe for a tired, stressed out lady! I am trying to take it all in stride, but this is getting long. Next month we are getting together with all the other wives (FRG) to make Welcome Home banners and it just feels strange since we haven’t even had R&R yet.
However, we’ve had some excitement the past week!! We finally made it to the end of 3rd quarter and Spring Break! I got to take the kiddos to Disney Princess on Ice. 
It was so much fun. I loved watching their faces light up. Then Grandpa and Grandma (the crazy ones) came for a few days! They entertained the kiddos, fixed my sink, did lots of yard work and watched Gwynn while we were in Denver for Connor’s surgery! That has been quite the experience too! We left the house at 10 because we had to be there 2 hours early, checked in and waited. We were told the dr. was running an hour ahead of schedule, but then they had a trauma, so we ended up getting into surgery late. I got to hold Connor’s hand while he went to sleep. When I went to let go, his hand was holding mine so tightly I had to pry my hand loose. I almost started crying as I walked away. I’d had enough time to look at two pages of a magazine when they came to get me. They sat me in a private room. At first I was thinking that went quickly, then I started to wonder if something had gone wrong because it happened so fast. Turns out, it was just fast! Connor did great, no bleeding and he was being woken up. When they came to get me, they said he was very calm and did really great. I sat next to him and his eyes were teary. I felt so bad that I didn’t get to be there when he woke up. We moved to recovery and he passed out.
As soon as he woke up he asked, “When do I get to go home?” He was ready!! He slept all the way home and had so much energy when we got home. He was talking and he even ate some ice-cream and rice! The next day was a different story!! Yesterday he was so sick. He was in noticeable pain, sick to his stomach and had a fever. We spent the afternoon cleaning up after him throwing up and he refused to drink anything. I called the dr and he told me it was all within the normal range. It could either be part of the coming out of anesthesia or the medication he is on…but to keep giving it to him and go to the ER if he got worse. Thankfully he woke up better this morning!! He is drinking and even eating very small chunks of grapes. He hasn’t thrown up all day and is actually sitting up for a few hours at a time. He does however, refuse to talk…so he is getting practice at writing me little notes to let me know what he wants :0)Our lives are crazy busy. I never expected them to be THIS busy. I am happy though that we are 2/3 of the way to taking down that yellow ribbon! In 5-6 weeks we should get R&R for 2 weeks and then about 2 months after that Dustin will be coming home…and then the next chapter of our life will begin :0)
Verse of the Month (maybe even life): "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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